Category Archives: Broadcasting

Robin is turning nine and camping

Robin’s birthday is coming up Next Thursday she’s turning 9. I really haven’t had the conversation with myself at this point about what I’ll do with her when she retires. I talked to my mom, and she was like it’s unfair to her if you get another dog and she should come live with me. That might work, but she would be 5 hours away, and do you know how many dogs we lost when we were kids? I think they would be careful with her, but Robin is like my kid, and if she got hit by a car I would just not be okay. I can handle her getting old and dying, or having to put her to sleep that’s the way she should go not by running out in a road. I just know how it is, and I don’t really want to have that conversation yet. We were in Cincinnati Robin was amazing as usual.
When I first got her I was lost without my cane now it’s the opposite. She’s been with me for 5 moves form graduating college to moving to Louisville. From being jobless to flying in to Detroit on weekends to do games for the Tigers. My whole 20’s pretty much she’s been here. For you guys I it’s hard to equal it to anything. She’s been with me at tons of ball games, and everything. My favorite moments Ethan and Whits wedding, buying my house, and just everything else.
Over the weekend a guy I do care about Dave said I shouldn’t bring her to games because of crowds and etc.. I differ on this, because I got a dog to make traveling easier. I don’t take her to bars, and having her cuts down on my going to bars because I feel that’s not fair to her. As far as going to games and such I think she’s built for that. A guide dog is an extension of me so to speak. She doesn’t know how to get me to Best Buy at the end of the day I have to know where I am going, but man she can get me to that door a lot easier than I can, and helps me look more normal. I just feel less stress with the dog than with the cane. It’s the little things to like after I almost was broken in to in Muncie if I’d wake up in the middle of the night panicked Robin would come sit by my bed or couch until I realized I didn’t hear anything. I’ll have the retirement speech with someone who won’t be objective, but I just can’t have it now.
After 9 months of complaining and keeping at my mortgage company they finally made their website accessible. I want to thank Jerry and Jennifer for helping out and doing what was necessary. It made my day Saturday to log on without jumping hoops and go over my mortgage and tax statements. They added an audio captcha which was nice. Thank you again.
My final thing is this camping trip I broke earlier on Facebook. Good god I should have learned my lesson by now about saying things. I did bring it up for a reason I was nervous about one part of the trip I working on fixing. Here is the thing I’ve gone to NYC, Chicago, Detroit, Phoenix, Kansas City, and a few other places on a Occasion and work. All of those things have one thing in common they’re the city. While I love the city being blind a lot of times those are my options. I want to go somewhere isolated away from people. I just think it would be different. Plus I want to try camping on my own blind. I don’t really know anyone who has tried this, and I think I could do fine. Pilot Neil taught me how to clean a fish, and so I think I’ll do fine. If not I’ll never do it again. I’ll try anything once, and if I fail then I fail, but at least I tried.
Here’s my problem though. Getting to the country is difficult. I decided to use the internet, because I didn’t want anyone to know where I was unless they needed to know. I was going to then meet my friend John on Saturday at the Braves game. I sent John a text message after people made me reconsider Craigslist idea on Facebook. Now John says to me your coming in to Atlanta on Thursday? Great we can do some radio together and I’ll take you out there drop you off and then come get you. I just am wanting to go on vacation not do any radio. So I tell him this, and he’s like come on you used to do Falcons pregame you can do this. It’s not that I can’t I just want to keep to myself for a change, and just type my feelings out in a blog. I’ve known John forever, so I’m thinking about going on again. The thing that really made me just stop all together last year was when the guy from Lexington just couldn’t get that I could bring something to a sports cast being blind. After all I’ve done and what my resume had it just blew me away. I know I shouldn’t stop because of that, but I kind of lost respect to the industry after that.
I wanted to mention real quick the tripple crown of horse racing. I am so happy for Victor actually. A fact he drove bus for 2 years I believe to raise money to become a Jokey. Someone that came from little to be at the top of his game with a lot of hard work. I admirer his hard work, and he deserved it.


Memorial day weekend

It’s the weekend, and man do I love these 3 days off. I can’t believe today is the last one. Right now I am sitting on my porch listening to crickets and feeling the breeze. I’m debating turning on the air. Back when I lived in Muncie and I caught a guy breaking in to my apartment I am really uneasy about leaving windows open while I sleep. My neighborhood is pretty good, but I just can’t get to sleep and since it’s 80 in my house with the windows closed no thank you. Another quick observation is why after you clean the toilet do you have to use it? I swear while I was cleaning it I was great the moment I finished I had to use it.
I did not go to LA this weekend like I was thinking. When I was buying the plane ticket it came out to about 900 dollars, and I decided I could put that in to my emergency money fund instead. That sounded better so I just stayed home. I went to Jerry and Lees Saturday for a get together and that was fun. Lee made me a pork chop fan. I’ve never been a big pork fan for some reason, but she’s grilled them twice and each time I’ve enjoyed them. I’m not in to steak either, but I do love burgers. We walked up to Arby’s and got a shake after dinner, and then took Robin out back and tossed the toy. She’s not dealing with the heat that well already I’ll have to keep watching her with that. I carry a traveling waterbowl on me so we should be fine, but if it gets real hot this summer I may just stay out of it with her as much as we can. When we got home she took her ball back outside, so I played with her a bit. She then laid down in the grass and I rubbed her belly and had some bonding time.
Today I was reminded it was the Indy 500. I was lucky to go to 2 of them. One as a fan when I went with the Meyer’s family, and one when I was working in radio for coverage. I’ve blogged about the 500 with Collin that was an adventure haha. It made me miss them though I haven’t seen them for like 7 years. In college they were all like a second family to me. After Ethan passed I think of things like this more often. That weekend I went to the 500 with Collin the Friday before I went to Carb Day with Ethan. It really should be named drink and look at cars day. This is back before I had Robin, so I had no responsibilities. When I got Robin she of course replaced my cane, and became my eyes she also gave me responsibility. It’s probably the same as having a kid maybe? I don’t know. Covering the 500 was okay but a long day, because after the race I had to go take notes at the Pacers Heat game. That was a long ass day.
Today actually kind of was a surprise. I’m still on Sunday sorry. Anyway my old radio program director was in town. He swung by around 5:30 this morning, and we went out and went fishing. Basically what I did was buy some bate and just loose it in the lake, but some could call it fishing. I’m not a good fisherman, but I like to go be on the water. Robin hates me during this entire trip. She had some water drama when she was a puppy, so it’s difficult for her to be near it. When I got her the puppy raisers warned me that they had to rescue her from falling through some ice as a puppy, so I think that made her afraid of lakes and such. I really do try to keep her away from that, but I didn’t want to leave her for a few hours at home alone. She did okay she just shivered against my leg, but I brought her treats to try and ease the pain.
Jack and I were talking about blind people problems and how sighted people have a hard time comprehending us. After we finished fishing, and caught nothing to eat I told him I’d provide dinner. He laughed, and said see blind people can provide food. I miss working with him back then though my life was so crazy not what it is now. By crazy I don’t mean like partying I mean like working all the damn time. I would do my normal gig 9-530, come home and sleep for a few hours then go to work in Indiana from 1-5. I was happy, because I was doing what I loved, but I didn’t have any time like tonight where I could just sit back and be amazed by the little things like nature. That’s something I am doing as I get older is I’m just stopping and noticing what’s around me. Just listening to the crickets like I said earlier. When Jack and I were fishing earlier I just stopped and listened to the birds, and felt the joy of of the beauty of the surroundings. That’s something I wouldn’t have said 10 years ago. Putting worms in the lake is therapeutic I guess.
After I got home I just cleaned a lot, because I’ve been avoiding that. I did a little house work, and some reporting to Sonos about the beta I’m using. I wanted to share one more idea. I’ve been on the fence about the Apple watch I really want one, but I just haven’t given in to my urge yet. Reading the blog you guys know how creative I am when it comes to romance I try to go above and beyond for some reason even though I’ve had the worst dating history. Anyway one thing I can’t figure out with the apple watch is you can send someone your heart rate. Yes you read that right. I don’t know why anyone would want to send there heart rate to someone else, but I started thinking. After your first date you could send your heart rate to her, and say you have my heart beating like boom boom that super base. On that note I will stop writing. Enjoy your memorial day!

Happy birthday late to the blog

First of off happy birthday to the blog it is now over a year old! I wish I could’ve written on the year anniversary but I was busy well not really just not sleeping well lately. I struggle at times with a condition called non24 since I can’t see sunlight or something that causes my body to get off track. Let me just give you my sleeping schedule for Wednesday. I fell asleep Tuesday night at 9 woke up at 1:30 AM and then couldn’t get back to sleep until 5:30 AM. I then woke up to my alarm at 6:30 and went to work. I’m exhausted by the end of the day honestly.

Something happen to me that’s never happened I wore two kinds of different shoes. I just got a new pair and they honestly feel like an older pair I have I grabbed the right one from the new pair and the left one from the old pair not noticing. Until I went out to dinner with my friend Tyler she was quick to point it out. We ate dinner with a broadcaster from CBS sports the first time I had met him and I was pretty embarrassed! We all had a good laugh I just rolled with it if you can’t laugh at yourself at times who can you laugh at? Anyway he told me some stories of some games he had called which was pretty amazing. We talked for about an hour about my goals my failing career as sports are concerned, but he was pretty encouraging. My friend Tyler arranged it, and it was a great chance for me to just network.

So because of my sleep disorder at this very second I have not slept at all so I have chili cooking in the crockpot and 29 beers waiting for me let the madness begin. Growing up in Indiana basketball was of course my favorite sport as a child. I’ve told the stories about playing all day. It’s funny I have an argument that is going to be pretty upsetting to Indiana fans. The most relevant college basketball team in Indiana in the last decade is not Indiana or is not Purdue but little Butler. If you can argue against that I would love to hear it I’m proud of Butler for accomplishing what they have that being said they will lose the Texas today market down.

A few years ago I went to the games with Ethan I blog about that last year after he died. I was really debating if I should go this year but the idea caused me a lot of hardship so I decided against it. I will be just as happy watching from home. If Kentucky winds which they will and Perdue wins which they should I may go Saturday. It’s just not time yet for today.

The other bit of news is I met a woman online who is blind and has a Labrador as a guide dog. We’ve been talking a lot online so anyway she is coming in to town today. We will see how that goes. I warned her about my addictive sports habits, and she was fine. She is in to a lot of outdoor activities so I’m looking forward to maybe doing some of that with her. She really enjoys hiking and other shit like that. I broke my no cursing rule, but I am sleep depribed. I’m scared of the non24 side affects it causes liver damage not that the beer doesn’t but hey. I decided to try and just order some melatonin from amazon and see if that helps. It will be here Tomorrow. This post really isn’t that informative but I wanted to get something out there since the block tourney-year-old. Have a great day and happy madness. 

Response from the FCC

Here is the response I got from the FCC

Good afternoon,
Thank you for contacting the FCC. Set-top boxes that are manufactured and sold or leased by large cable and satellite TV operators and systems must comply with our accessibility requirements by December 20, 2016. (FCC Docket Nos. 12-107 and 12-107)

Mid-sized and smaller cable and satellite TV operators and small systems have until December 20, 2018 to comply:

• operators with 400,000 or fewer subscribers (operators other than the top 14); and
• systems with 20,000 or fewer subscribers that are not affiliated with an operator serving more than 10 percent of all subscribers

Descriptive Video: FCC rules require local TV station affiliates of ABC, CBS, Fox, and NBC located in the top 25 TV markets to provide 50 hours per calendar quarter (about 4 hours per week) of video-described prime time and/or children’s programming.

Local TV stations in markets smaller than the top 25 also may provide video description. Check with your local TV stations. Many Public Broadcasting System (PBS) stations also provide video description on a number of programs. Check with your local PBS station. The requirement to provide video description is extended to local TV station affiliates of ABC, CBS, Fox, and NBC located in the top 60 television markets beginning July 1, 2015.
The top 5 non-broadcast networks – Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, TBS, TNT, and USA – must provide 50 hours per calendar quarter (about 4 hours per week) of video-described prime time and/or children’s programming.

Subscription TV systems (offered over cable, satellite or the telephone network) with 50,000 or more subscribers must carry video description.
Subscription TV systems with fewer than 50,000 subscribers also may provide video description. Check with your subscription TV provider.</blockquote
I don't know where four hours seems reasonable that's not even a 10th of the time the network is on the air. I digress though at least there's some good coming.

Thanksgiving, Kentucky Louisville game, and a few other thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families! The holidays since I’ve moved to Kentucky have been a little weird because I have to work the day before and day after usually so I haven’t really been able to go home on the actual holiday since I’ve moved. Last Christmas eve I worked in Lexington on the radio and watched home alone. you know is crazy about that day is I just wanted some damn Papa John’s on Christmas and I thought I could obtain that goal but I could not so I sat at home alone and ate some shitty TV dinner. I’m independent though so I guess that’s something. haha

Today I’m going downtown and eating at a restaurant with my friend Leslie and her children. I’m looking forward to but I’m nervous about the fact it’s a buffet. I think I’ve written about them before whenever I have to go outside my comfort zone anymore especially I really don’t like that. Buffets present this challenge to me that I just don’t like. I’m trying to work through it so I’m sure it will be fun. I’m excited to meet her family.

Saturday I’m going to the Kentucky Louisville game and I was speaking to Taylor and I said I might wear my Louisville had a Kentucky shirt. In my last post I said I root for Louisville more which is true I just really want the state to do well either way but I will be rooting for Louisville. This lad Taylor to say things like this just proves you can’t commit to someone. So I like the game of football and basketball and just because I have clothing from both teams means I have commitment issues? In my life I’ve made a lot of mistakes I’ve allowed jealousy to ruin a great relationship and friendship and I’ve learned from that. I don’t really know why things happen the way they do, but I feel you have to grow from every experience. i’ve never cheated on anyone because I know how that feels and I wouldn’t do that. However that being said I’ve stumbled upon something recently that I’m working on or trying to work through I guess. I’m not sure I really like myself or that I love myself if that makes sense? I don’t know there’s a lot of reasons things I don’t want to get into right now but I’m just trying to get to a point where I feel okay. I feel like things I phot to not become I’ve become. Recently I’ve become agitated with my blindness and I feel a little bitter which I’ve never wanted it just sort of has happened. I think when I first started this blog I wrote I used to think one day with my blindness I would just completely understand everything but I don’t think that’s the case probably because of society pressures culture and other factors you always will be dealing with something related to it.

I think she read this blog but whatever it hasn’t stop me from saying something before. lol The other night Taylor asked me if I would like to date again and I’m torn. The last time she broke up with me to go back out with an ex-boyfriend and that did not work out. I promise you since I’ve bought my house I’ve really not hung out with any women at all I get in this routine when I come home fall sleep on the couch going to work and do the same routine again. Occasionally I will have a bourbon or beer. I’ve been reading a lot and reminiscing on old memories and I’m not sure if I really want a relationship at this point. I don’t know really where the silver lining will be I’m sure I will find it in a weird way lately it’s with Kentucky sports radio and my Sonos. oh and Olivia Munn. I saw her on the newsroom recently and wow. you’re probably asking yourself what it is or how I can find someone attractive without seeing them and I don’t really know it’s just the way she carries herself I guess. I was working with the show a year ago well not really a year ago I guess like eight months ago and my whole goal was for them to be more fan friendly and they just never got it. If you can make haters listen to your show you have it going on. some people just don’t get that. anyway sorry I got off point. well I lost it so I guess I’ll save it for another day. I will write about my buffet experience the game maybe a party I’m going to tomorrow night so if I’m not into much pain on Sunday expect a post. I’m hoping to throw some darts this weekend I was talking about it with someone at work recently I love that game I’ve already lost my eyes so whatever. cheap blind joke ring the bell. Have a happy Thanksgiving and stay safe.

Starting over can be tough

Honestly forlike the last month I haven’t really been myself. I get up go to work come home fall asleep repeat. I’ve been going to a therapist the last few weeks to try to MoveOn. i’ve always dreamed of doing radio and being off the last six months has actually been kind of nice. actually being home on the weekends is kind of a new thing. However it’s weird not having that travel to look forward to.

When you’re young dreams fly in your head a lot about what you want to do when you grow up. when you actually grow up sometimes dreams die and you just try and put food on the table that is reality. I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately like why are we here? what is the purpose? My whole goal is to try and show people that the blind people are just like anyone else, but when I’m reminded how people actually see us it feels defeating. I think with life it’s easy to get lost down a dark road, because and fortunately things aren’t always black-and-white. It’s amazing to me with social media how lost you can become with people you once knew. A few times in the last month I’ve been kicked by people that I know. I always heard people try to tear you down when you’re up, but it seems people try to tear you down when you’re down as well. Like I said when Ethan died there are a handful of people in your life that you really can depend on everyone else is just sort of there. People trying to kid themselves by having thousands of Facebook friends, but to me that’s pretty retarded.

I’ve been pretty sick the last week, but I’m starting to feel better. Last night was beautiful I took Robin and let her run in the yard and I ended up falling asleep in my chair outside for a few hours. That’s been pretty enjoyable for me the last month is allowing Robin some freedom that she’s never really had since I’ve had her. I always felt sad for her living in an apartment because she couldn’t run. she definitely has slowed down some this year, but she still pretty active. when it’s hot I don’t pusher like maybe I once would’ve. unless I have to be out there I don’t. in years past I would’ve taken a walk just to walk in the 90° weather. That being said this morning Robin and I explore the neighborhood a little bit. Pretty much when I first got her GPS was just coming out handheld for us. i’ve always loved just going out taking a street and see where it goes. I learned a lot about Muncie that way. One thing I enjoy about having a dog is when you get lost you can sit them down and pet them why you think about how to get back. haha

Today I think I’m going to actually go and be around people which is rare these days. I have tickets for the Louisville game and I want to go to the birthday party for the bell of Louisville. This brings me to my final topic one that’s a little confusing for me right now. Yesterday after my session my therapist asked me if I would want to go out with her sometime? I’m a little torn because I’m not sure how professional that is, and I don’t want to ruin a good thing. I don’t talk to many people about what it’s like to fail in radio, or decline a job because of being scared of not finding work if I were get fired from that one. I took a risk moving to Louisville to do my current job, but when given the chance I didn’t take the risk and following my dreams and I don’t know why. Anyway I just hate starting over with someone new if it doesn’t work out, but will see. I was only going to go do a few more sessions anyway. haha I don’t write as much as I want to, so if I don’t have an update next week I think the Royals win the World Series.

Diarrhea of the pin

i’m taking my radio to the ballpark to listen to Larry AndersonThe past two days I’ve been having difficulty sleeping. The first night I thought it was due to Erica being here and energy of the city, but she’s not here right now so obviously that’s not the issue. I found myself listening to guys that I idolize growing up in radio. Some of the clips I found on YouTube brought back a lot of painful memories of growing up in the country with no transportation, and wondering what it would be like to live in a big city what you get around. Some clips made me cry because I generally miss hearing those guys. I miss Santo, skip Carrie, and Harry Kalice. I was thinking about Harry this morning since I’m getting ready to go to Philadelphia.

I remember being in college and coming home in the afternoon to catch a baseball game and when I turned on the radio I heard something different. Scott and Larry the Phillies announcers were calling the game but crying throughout it. I remember listening to the entire game and thinking to myself that had to be the hardest broadcast they’ve ever done. I found a little bit of the pregame on YouTube, and just the memory of it brought me back to that day when I listened to it live. I’ve often heard people tell me that I bet you like Radio more than television because of the fact you can’t see it, but I don’t think that’s true. Rather I like radio, especially with baseball because it moves at a pace where the broadcaster becomes a part of your life. These days corporate sponsorship has taken over they can’t go five words without bringing up a company, or hearing the phrase here’s your Taco Bell crunch of the game. Regardless though at times of my life when going through tough times being blind or well that’s pretty much it. Haha baseball in the broadcasters have been there but I think that’s why it means so much to me that it’s hard to walk away from. This is the first weekend in a few months where I’ve pushed being awake so long, and since Erica has been in my life I’ve been sleeping seven-hour nights which is very unusual for me. I work hard and reach out and contact several radio shows to see about purchasing scripts or comedy or anything to get my name known.

For me Ron Santo was a tough loss as a fan. I saw him as a role model because he had diabetes that he played with as a player, he lost two legs but still made it to every Cubs game! It’s often times immolated now but he was a true fan and he brought that to the broadcast booth. You could tell days he didn’t feel good, but he still was there. After my grandpa died I remember listening to a Cubs game and Ron’s voice would just lift me up.

For me I’m humbled to have been able to hear these guys and many more that I didn’t write about. I think to myself that I might be weird loving broadcasters so much but baseball is a long season. I have to say things of been pretty fortunate for me that I’ve been able to come to New York see Sirius’s studios and last time I was here I saw z100 which is an iconic station in New York. I went to church recently with Erica, because she asked me to go and I enjoyed myself. Not necessarily because of finding Jesus or anything but I found an hour of peace where I can examine myself and think clearly. I’ll never be able to be that religious guy, but the way that some people view religion is how I view radio. Not that Opie and Anthony or my Jesus, but sometimes hearing a baseball game will pick me up out of a bad place or listen to a segment in the morning before work of Opie and Anthony will make me feel better about that day. I remember in college I started using recreational drugs is how ill put it here. I remember one night I went out drinking and then I came back to the dorm my minds foggy after that but I woke up with a bag in my pocket and $40 missing from my bank account. I remember going on a car ride with people I didn’t know and putting so much trust in them which was stupid. I remember listening to Kidd Chris and he was going off about why you shouldn’t do drugs or why he never did them and it touched me. For me that was the deciding point to stop so I did the biggest thing I saw was people who were doing drugs were weird. I would be at parties with these guys who were not going anywhere in life let’s just say and I didn’t want to go down that road. I do remember turning the church as well and trying to get more involved, but kind of like here I just never felt like I fit in. The day I woke up with the bag in my pocket I didn’t make it out of bed until around two and my parents came into town and I felt just embarrassed for myself. I don’t understand how I can start talking about baseball announcers and I get into talking about that? I have diarrhea of the pin. I guess finishing this off at the time in college when I was a freshman or sophomore a lot of girls would treat me differently they would be distant. It’s kind of been that way most of my life I also just broken up with a girl probably there usually to blame like Jimmy Buffett says. When I would smoke I would get lost and feel part of a crowd it took the edge off. It wasn’t real except for the stoners thought I was cool because they were smoking with the blind guy. I guess one final story on that my friend who I will leave nameless and I went to his house and smoke out of a Pepsi bottle he cut up. We drove to Taco Bell and then he dropped me off away from my dorm because there were police around and it snowed and I got lost. So here IM high as hell lost with Taco Bell in my hand. All I knew was that somewhere there were police. I called my other friend who is working and he came and got me I remember going upstairs and going into my room and I got freaked out because in my brain there was like a weird flash. I didn’t forget it because I really felt the sensation of something I’ve never felt before. I said that I saw something but I don’t think that was it because I have fake eyes eyes, but just maybe it triggered something in my head I don’t really know if that makes any sense but it was enough for me to quit. It really freaked me out! I think I’ll end the post here.

This is what I get for trying to podcast.

This weekend has been a bit of a headache somewhat for me. I was going to go to Detroit to a Tigers game, but I decided I just want to be home. My little brother Josh is going to come down and spend the night Friday with me. He tried committing suicide in January, because he is blind and was being bullied in school. He’s gone through a lot of therapy, and his parents feel its okay for him to get away. I met his parents at a meeting for the blind, and they wanted someone for their son to look up to for guidance. I’ve not done well so far. A lot of what he struggles with I still struggle with. I’d like to tell him eventually things will get easier, but I’m not there personally yet. I think in life no matter what your circumstances you’ll have something you struggle with some of us have more than others it’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

I plan to remain upbeat with him, and take him around the city so he can see some new things. He is not a big sports fan, but he loves music so I have been googling a few ideas. Sports has been my release that and radio. Early on I’d spill a lot of my thoughts on to the radio, because I wanted to be truthful. I never bought in to the cheery happy guy you often hear I would just bring me to the microphone every day.

I was recording a podcast last night in my living room with an IPhone and microphone, and I realized something about myself. If I had only been more patient when it came to a few things in my life how things may have been different. Were never too old to change if you recognize a problem. Rather than take what I have I usually try and want more. Radio has been a huge example of this. I had a good gig going, but rather than take the fact shows would use things I wrote for them and never credit me and move on with it I quit. Now I can’t work for any rival company for another 6 months. A handy little clause written in to my last contract I signed. I’ve also struggled with patients in relationships and I’m sorry for those I’ve affected.

I don’t think greed motivated me it more just wanted to get to a point where I felt like I accomplished something. When you’re blind for me anyway I’ve always wanted to get to a point where I wouldn’t be blind to certain people. I realized a few years ago that was an unreachable goal. It’s hard for me to find happiness after realizing that. I have been talking to a good friend I met in radio Opie lately, and I thank him for all the advice and time he’s spent lately. I don’t exactly know what I’ve figured out yet, but I need to change myself a lot and figure out my goals. I also used to think one day I’d just accept my blindness and move on. When I was a kid it never was an issue, but around the time puberty hit people’s perceptions changed. I wasn’t the kid people played tetherball or basketball with I was different from them. At the time I never really saw this, it was Josh all most dying that made me open up my past I guess trying to help him that made me discover this. I went to public school, and I don’t regret that but I see some of my other friends who went to a blind school and I wonder if it would have helped me be a bit healthier in certain aspects? I’m happy the blind school took Josh in, and he will be given an opportunity there to start over.

A bit about dating depression and life

Yesterday was the NCAA men’s finals I did not catch any of it. This struck me as a little weird because I’m a huge sports fan and I don’t think I’ve ever missed an NCAA finals game before. I’ve been going through a little depression lately and haven’t really spoke about it. A few weeks ago I went on a date a second date as a matter fact, and afterwords when she was bringing me home she said she had to use the bathroom so I allowed her to come into my apartment. She was here for about 15 to 20 minutes and I ended up going through some hell. The next morning after she had gone I realized my Bose headphones and Bluetooth speaker were missing. I looked all over for them but couldn’t see them. I have a one bedroom apartment and is only a few places I would put things. I texted her and she did not respond. Around 9 o’clock I texted her and said if she did not respond I would call the police still no response.

Finally the next morning the police called me and said they had my stuff. She also stole a autograph baseball which I didn’t realize until later. My friend Pat agreed to pick up the items for me since he set us up. I definitely do not want her back at my house or around me at all. My stuff still works it doesn’t look like it took any abuse I was just relieved to have it back.

Over the weekend I went to the final four women’s tournament where I ran into a woman who I have had history with. We ended up going to lunch which was really great and we had a in-depth conversation. I’ve talked to her on the phone a few times but it was great seeing her in person I think because she gave me some ideas that I am going to use. We will just remain friends but I am thankful for that because she is very smart and helpful her being in my life I think will be a good thing. I will mention her name because it’s not important and doesn’t need to be said in a public forum but the game of basketball is very lucky to have her and she will lead the women’s game to new heights. Anyway before she drop me off at the Greyhound station to come home she said something to me that was very interesting. She told me that she is reading my blog as well as watching my posts on Facebook. She said while I put myself out there a lot emotionally and share my feelings, but I hold the best part of me back. I can explain more about that but I will leave it alone. I think overall with relationships i’ve overlooked through the years people that would’ve been good fits because maybe I’m scared of commitment, failure, or just wasn’t attracted to that type at the time. Talking to my friend over the weekend I realized that maybe I do fend off people that are attracted to me for some reason and 10 to try for people way out of my league. Also dating sighted people has been a challenge because I’m never viewed as an equal for some reason. I can provide for her help I could probably even buy her a car or a house but a lot of times women come in and want to be your mom or never quite treat you equally. Lexi may have been the first to do so. My girlfriend Taylor as well did a pretty good job at treating me equally but it’s not the norm.

It’s easy for someone to look on the outside and say I have a lot to offer someone but to find someone who will except that is a different story. With the New Orleans girl I was talking about earlier that’s what I will call her because that’s where we first met we met after a basketball game and spent the night together. We went out drinking because they have lost so she wanted to vent about the season, and then we went back to her hotel. I was pretty new and radio and it was really my first trip, so this was definitely new to me. You can probably figure out what happened next, so I won’t paint those details I’m not really about that. In the morning we talked about possibly having a relationship but with her going on to do bigger things in me and Louisville distance would definitely have been an issue. We decided to remain friends and text each other a few times the following months. When I saw her over the weekend I realized I would add her to the things that went pretty well list, because hanging out with her I don’t really feel like she views me as being blind. We’ve never really spent that much time in person together, but she is kind of a leader anyway and I feel like that type of personality is rare to find. Finishing off where I was going to go with this thought doing radio I’ve gotten to go to a lot of places but at times it’s been kind of lonely. It’s cool to go to different cities and view different games, but sometimes I would like to have someone to share with or call home too.

Anyway New Orleans girl said to me after telling her about a girl in my life why don’t I ask her out? After I laid out all of the excuses that I had she saw right through it and said if you never give love a chance how can it form? A girl here has been pursuing me for a while but I kind of ignored it and I really don’t know the reasons. I have a few negatives but overall I never gave it a chance or much of a thought. With all the crazy things that of been happening lately I would just like to have something safe, and she would definitely provide that. On Friday I’m going to lay it out like that and just tell her my feelings and be honest. I don’t think she reads this blog, but if she does h oh well. Haha with my life traveling around and staying busy I’ve neglected part of me that needs to feel some normalcy. I kind a ranted and this post, but over the next few years or however long I continue this I hope that you’ll learn about struggles blind people have in life. I will provide funny stories, because there are a lot of them but I also want you to see the difficult things we go through as well. Dating and employment are the two hardest ones.

Okay I vented I missed the stupid tournament game and I’m a little sleepy now so it’s back to bed for now. On a positive I gave Robin a massage today and she fell asleep right next to me. Usually about once a week I try to give her a little time, so I plan something like massage or extra playtime something to make her feel special. When I first got her from the Seeing Eye she’s delay is far away from me as she could today before the massage we actually wrestled around a little bit which was something she never liked to do. Her puppy raiser was an older person and I don’t think they played with her a whole lot. She likes to play catch and tug-of-war sometimes. Tonight though I kept pushing on her and finally she put her paws around me and we rolled around and wrestled a little bit. She didn’t bite which is good I don’t want to encourage that at all. It was great and I realized that our bond is something unique. I will probably feel this bond with any dog I get in the future hopefully, but it is definitely a special thing that is hard to put into words. This weekend navigating the airport city streets and the arena the communication we have between the two of us is amazing.

Disappointment it’s time to set new goals.

I just got a call tonight from Fox sports Arizona, and I did not get the job. They offered me part-time work, but why would I move halfway across the country to do part time work? I’m pretty bummed, because they flew me out there and the best they could give me is part-time work? I’m moving on from broadcasting, because the work is not worth the reward. It’s weird to have your dream die in a call, but that’s how I feel. I don’t care about the rejection it’s the fact that I’ve worked so hard and put in so much time it’s kind of insulting actually. Out of the other three candidates I was the only one who had any affiliation with the MLB.