Tag Archives: dating

Valentines day early

On Saturday Taylor and I decided to celebrate Valentines a little early. I did that because she hates crowds for one and it just felt like a great weekend to celebrate. I really don’t know why I plan anything anymore, because those plans get aborted but I’ll explain the evening. I got reservations for us at bonefish she showed up at my house and we went out to eat. While she was here she gave me a braille card which I thought was a nice touch. It was actually a birthday card but she said she couldn’t find a braille Valentines so she went with that. I got her some of her favorite candy and some of those Sherry berries. i’ve been listening to Czabe A lot lately and he was advertising them so I took the plunge and oh Jesus are they good.

At dinner we talked a lot, laughed and just had a good time. I was able to open up to her a lot about feelings I haven’t shared with many people. Tomorrow if I feel up to it I’m going to write a post that I hope blind people don’t find offensive but it honestly is a conversation we have to have. I find myself being angry and emotionally different right now I literally go through a whirlwind of emotions weekly. it’s difficult to describe I just wish I could change things that I’ve done that I didn’t do I don’t know. Anyway getting back on point because I don’t want to write 10 pages I want to go to bed. Taylor and I have this relationship where things are so easy for me to communicate. We talk a lot about each other’s faults and strengths and she’s been there for me the last few months when things have been pretty grim. i’ve got a few calls about getting back into writing but I just haven’t really felt like being funny or like it matters. that’s just me being honest.

Anyway it was such a beautiful night that rather than go sit inside Taylor’s very spontaneous kind of like myself so we took a drive and ended up in West Virginia. One thing that’s really starting to bother me as I get older is I tend to get bored with being in one place too long. When I was traveling hard with radio and sports not only was it fun for me being blind I really got to experience new senses. When you wake up in the same place go to sleep in the same place and nothing really changes it’s very dull. what I mean is I can’t really see the sunset or the sunrise some of that real beauty in the world gets lost. When I was a kid when we would travel I would listen to the radio and every city we were and it was different. now Louisville has the same stations as Fort Wayne or Indianapolis feels like Denver if you go by radio. I remember taking a trip during the summer when we drove around Kentucky and I felt sadness for the first time because of what I couldn’t see. i’ve never had depression like that so it was strange. When Taylor and I were driving to West Virginia she described a lot of the scenery which was cool a lot of people don’t take the time I enjoyed that even if some of it was hard for me to understand or picture.

I don’t know if Taylor and I will date because of our past. It’s hard for me to open up myself again for the second time to someone. I’m kind of ashamed but I’ve never had a date or girlfriend on Valentine’s Day when Taylor and I dated a year ago I believe she was my first actual Valentine. I know I should’ve Brian Williams that made it bigger than it actually is. Hahaha this post is been pretty heavy that made me laugh. We have some champagne at the hotel and she actually brought up the fact she was happy to be my only Valentine. Usually in life I’m the fast one I’ve arty one Belmont and we haven’t even ran the Kentucky derby yet. I’m just taking one day at a time but it was a pretty special evening.

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Having trouble sleeping tennis might be the best blind man’s porn

So lately I’ve been having trouble sleeping I’ve been having a reoccurring dream and I wake up thinking someone is breaking into my house and then I can’t get back to sleep. Robin has been really sweet the last few nights when this happens she comes in and lays beside me which usually helps, but today it did not. so I opened up my radio app on my iPhone and pulled up the Australian open. I fell asleep pretty fast, and woke up to women’s tennis. Maria i’ll butcher her last name but you’ll know who I’m talking about if you Google was playing. No tennis is a game that requires site I would believe I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of a blind tennis league but I would be down to try that being said why do you have to have an orgasm every time you hit the ball? I could understand if you have to run across the court and connect but every time? if the Australian guy wasn’t talking it would’ve been softcore porn. even with him talking I could’ve made believe I was in the outback. Tomorrow it is confirmed I’m taking Robin to get a bath and I’m going to shoot guns so I’m sure I’ll have something event full on Monday. I also have a first date tomorrow night so we’ll see. Honestly I don’t know why I keep trying you think I’d learn a lesson from the past relationships failing that maybe I’m just not good at it or I’m interested in the wrong people but part of me still believe love can exist so I guess we’ll see.

Fourth of July weekend

This weekend has been great! Let me start on Thursday which was actually 3 July. I went on a date with this girl named Marissa. We met at Applebee’s and then watched a movie it went really well! She has a German Shepherd seeing-eye dog as well and besides one small altercation they get along well now. Reflecting on our first time together I remember trying to tell her things that I thought would be useful but then I kind of realized maybe I was saying them because she can’t see which is dumb because it’s what I hate. Lol I told her if I get annoying just tell me and I’ll stop I kind of realized what I was doing so the next two days we hung out I don’t think I did that. I have to say I’ve never been around someone that I can just be myself say what I want and not worry about necessarily being judged for what I say I really am starting to enjoy that aspect of our relationship. I will touch on something else in the next story.

For the Fourth of July we went to her uncle’s lake house and it was a great day. I went tubing which I had not been since I was probably 14 or 15. I realized I am no longer young. I’m pretty sore still. At the lake I use a lot of sunscreen because I’m pretty white and I burn easily. She kept reminding me to use it which I enjoy because for me that was a sign of her caring. Sometimes being blind means when going to a event you can kind of be out casted or at least I’ve felt at times a little bit on the outside. Hangingout with her on Friday I never felt that which was nice. I remember we were about to go tubing and she said we can hold hands it won’t be that bad but then once he started going fast she said okay I think we have to hold on now which is pretty accurate it got a little bumpy her dad said we got up to about 22 miles an hour and when we would bounce it would hurt. It was definitely fun though I just need to get in shape. I’m realizing I’m not as much of a daredevil as I used to be. I was a little nervous I must admit during that ride. Don’t get me wrong I still had a lot of fun but I noticed that I bit more cautious than I used to be. I’m still struggling a little bit to exactly say or figure out what I want to share about our relationship because it’s something that should be between us so sorry if I’m not being a very good wordsmith. I know that I enjoy the day because I didn’t feel any pressure and I felt so comfortable because she was there and just being around someone who understands that. When I got out at my place honestly felt like I didn’t want the day to be over and that I didn’t want to lose her. I had a pretty long string of bad things happening with women and I can honestly say I should probably pay attention to the feelings because everything just fits with her.

Saturday we went to a barbecue at my friend Jerry’s house. I invited Marissa because I wanted her to meet some people that have been very kind to me since moving to Louisville. After that we went back to her place and we decided to start a relationship. I’m really excited about that because she takes me for who I am I’m not saying she won’t want to change some things about me because I’m sure she will but it’s special when you find someone that feels right. She has strengths that are some of my weaknesses and vice versa. As we go forward and build I’m excited to learn about her and just grow closer. I guess one thing for me is because I can’t see someone and make eye contact I really enjoy things like handholding because that allows me to still have contact if that makes sense. It’s just little things like that that she understands maybe it’s because were both blind or maybe not I just know that I’m really happy. I’m not having a great writing day so sorry I will deathly post more as time goes on but as far as our relationship I think that’s all I want to say to the public. And to finish off my thought on Robin I think she is pretty excited to have a sister it’s kind of interesting when someone would knock on the door they started barking in unison.

Erica’s viewpoint.

I thought it might be cool if Erica wrote a little blog entry about her point of view. I did not edit it here it is. I do not see anywhere in here about how handsome I am, s but maybe I missed it after all I am blind. She is very sweet and beautiful see I know how to complement.

Joe and I met at a party about eight months ago. He’ll tell you it was a year ago, but it wasn’t I’m a girl we remember dates! I never had met a blind person before, but we talked for a few minutes. I remember thinking to myself I wonder how he is viewing me, since he can’t see me? We didn’t exchange numbers or anything that night, but we ran in to each other at a Louisville football game a month later. Robin had an upset stomach, so I offered to run by Walgreens and pick up some medication for her. I took Joe to his house, and he invited me in, and we ended up sitting outside talking for several hours. Talking with him is really nice, because most of the time he listens. I stress most of the time, because he still is a guy.

After that night we didn’t really hang out much. We’d would text each other from time to time, and one time during the holidays we went out for cheesecake. In April I invited him to a party at my apartment, and he came which surprised me. We started talking more and more from that night on, and I just started falling in love with him. He is so fast with come backs, and his ability to make me laugh is astounding. I didn’t really know what dating him would be like, or if he would be interested in me. If you read this blog one thing you may not pick up on is Joe can be awfully shy. He has been burnt by past relationships, so I understand his apprehension.

Once we started actually dating we had a few hurtles to maneuver, but things are really well now. Joe loves his independence, and I truly understand that as much as I can. He doesn’t want to burden me or have me do all the work but a relationship wouldn’t work out that way anyway. Joe is so caring, and thoughtful. Last night I cooked dinner for him, and before we ate he took my hand and prayed. After the prayer he just held my hand for a second squeezed it and said thank you for dinner I really appreciate it. He’s always doing little things that make me feel special. After dinner he thanked me again with a hug. Previous boyfriends I’ve had never thanked me for cooking or if they did it was something quick and felt like they just expected it. He also put a lot of thought in to our first kiss which I found real sweet. He went over that already, so I will skip it, but it was breath taking.

I get the question a lot from friends what is it like dating someone blind? I don’t really think about it a lot to be honest. The only times I notice him really being blind is when he sits in a room with no lights on, or I walk in to his apartment and it’s completely dark. I now just turn on lights without saying anything, but I remember once I asked him how do you stand it so dark? He just laughed at me, and once in a while he’ll bring it up as a joke. I used to think to myself when we first met how does he do this or how would he do that, but after you spend time with him those questions fade. He’ll hate this part, but I do find him amazing at times, because I don’t think I would be as successful not being able to see. He makes it look so easy, but I’ve closed my eyes and it’s pretty overwhelming to me.

One thing I enjoy is describing things to him. We went to the Empire state building over the weekend, where I described the view to him. I find it at times challenging, because I want him to be able to form a picture of what I’m describing. During movies he will ask me what happened at a time where there is no dialog, and I’ll fill in the blanks for him. I’m amazed though how much he can pick up on just by listening, because I thought at first I had to describe everything but he quickly stopped me from doing that. I usually don’t describe anything now unless he asks, because I don’t want to annoy him.

I’ve honestly had friends tell me that I’m a good person for being with someone who’s blind. It upset me the first time I heard this, and I haven’t talked to that person since. There is more to Joe than his blindness, and honestly it’s the smallest part of him. I having a good heart has nothing to do with my relationship with Joe nor do I care what your opinion of us is. My family loves him, and they see how well he treats me. I think for my parents it was a bit awkward for them meeting Joe the first time. They had never met a blind person before, so they asked me a lot of questions before meeting him. I remember my mom said something about did you watch the Voice last night? She then quickly said I’m sorry did you listen to the Voice last night? Joe was real sweet about it, and just said yes I saw the Voice last night.

I think the key for us is communication. Even if something causes us to get in to an argument we’ll talk about it later. I love that aspect of our relationship. He’ll send me a text message at the right time during the day saying I miss you, or I just wanted to say I love you.

I don’t think Joe being blind matters to me at all. We’re going to go on a trip over the weekend, and I know he feels bad he can’t help me drive, but if he holds my hand and talks to me it’ll all work out.

I’m going to wrap this up now, and I hope someone finds this information useful. I think confidence plays a big part in relationships in the beginning I don’t think Joe was confident in his ability, and may have found me a bit intimidating. I think as we’ve grown were finding a middle ground where we can trust each other. I know it will just take time for him to understand I don’t mind if he calls me to take him somewhere. If I’m busy or can’t I will let him know, and he can use his other sources. Ultimately I want to make his life easier just like he does for me. Dating Joe has been no different than anyone sighted I’ve dated, and I wish everyone could see it that way. Obviously he has some limitations, but everyone does. If you focus on negative things about people you’ll constantly miss the positive atttributes people can bring. Yes Joe can’t drive me around, but he can still spoil me in other ways or do things that make me feel even more extraordinary.

Most of the time I notice him being blind has to do with light. One night I remember waking up and having to use the bathroom I walk in to the bathroom and flip on the light and there Joe is in the dark with earbuds on. It almost gave me a heart attack! I’m working on him using lights. In the morning he takes a shower with his Bluetooth speaker and will sing songs it usually is a Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift song. haha it makes me laugh though! This last paragraph was rushed, because I wanted to get even with him for something he promised me know editing so I better see this.

My day in Philadelphia

Saturday Adrian and I caught the Amtrak to Philadelphia which was pretty pleasant I must say. The Wi-Fi worked well the tracks were smooth completely different experience from the Midwest. Neil surprised me by bringing Erica back which I didn’t expect at all. He spent the night at his brothers in Louisville and brought her back Saturday afternoon. I thank him for that! I’m still learning so much about her and her family I’m sure she could say the same. Tonight I will get to that later but we spent at least two and half hours just talking about our childhoods which was nice. I love learning about her. Neil said he had a surprise for me and she put her hands over my eyes and Neil said guess who? They really have to think of a better way to full me. Haha. I got a chance to see his house it was beautiful. I missed them being in Louisville, because it was nice having somewhere to go over Thanksgiving last year they were kind of like my family away from home if that makes any sense. We went to Independence Hall and walked around there for a little while. I love history So I found it pretty neat. I’ve already seen the Liberty Bell but we still stop by, because Erica hadn’t seen it. Neil wanted somewhere to go watch the horse race so I got my GPS out to find something in the area. I found this place called the turf club which was pretty neat. Neil said that he thought it was a strip bar I just teased him about how sighted people most times do not use there sight. I really like walking around in Philadelphia much more so than New York, because it didn’t feel quite as a place only for tourists. I ended up liking the turf club because it was not very busy, and we could have conversations without yelling at each other. I hate loud places for the most part, because it really does hinder my communication.

I already shared one story about the Phillies game I thought it was pretty amazing. They had crab fries which was recommended to me definitely hope to have them again soon. After the game Neil and Adrian went back to their house and Erica and I went out. I ended up riding the bull at that PBR bar. I did pretty well I got bored and decided just to fall off eventually, but it was okay. Erica said I would’ve made a handsome cowboy I’ll take that. It was definitely different than what I imagined to be honest. Thankfully my boobs stayed in. Truthfully I imagined like one of those merry-go-round’ looking figures and I thought it would run on a track. We then found a club that had a dance floor and my favorite a couch. We danced a bit together and then sat on the couch talking. Alright we may have done some cuddling as well. I’m sure I will get over this but I had to use the bathroom and they had central bathrooms for all the clubs so she walked me to the guys entrance and waited which was nice but it still feels a little awkward to me. I know I overthink everything. We went to another tavern that was a few blocks away, and it was really nice just walking and talking with her. I love listening to her thoughts on things such as the Russian situation, or how the media works. We don’t always agree, but I value her opinion and we don’t really argue about the things we disagree on. I’ve had girlfriends in my life, but I’ve never been great at relationships. Usually one side has way more feelings than the other side which is usually me. Fuck it I can tell the truth. With Erica and probably I say in the last two months I’ve started opening up again and being more like myself before being mugged last year. I went through a lot of periods where I didn’t like life or I would be afraid to go somewhere. I feel refreshed, and have an energy that’s been missing. Today I look forward to getting home and just watching television on the couch with Erica getting ready for the work week. And one of our conversations she did tell me that she thought baseball was a bit boring, but because I love it she wants to love it. We watch a few games together, and knowing her true feelings and makes it even more special if that makes any sense because she’s wanting to make the effort. She’s done that all along and it’s something I admire about her. I probably don’t deserve her love but I have it and I’ll do anything for her to keep it. To be honest I’m pretty tired and my back is a little sore from being a cowboy so I’m going to go try to get a massage out of that.

New York

I need to catch you up with what’s going on my life with dating, real estate, and other things but I want to talk about the Accessable TV box I just saw. I had all this free time and then I started dating and it went away. Haha just kidding. It’s been a dream of mine as I said for about the last 10 years to have a talking cable box. There is so much access when watching TV I do not have currently. If I want to view what’s on TV I have to use my iPhone and search the Internet or use a TV listings app same with my DVR have to use my application I cannot just sit down my couch and use a remote. Now onto why Time Warner had me come to New York rather than Louisville. The technology in Louisville is not truly Time Warner is more like Comcast I’m told. When they ask me to come I jumped at the opportunity because I’ve been wanting to see this forever now.

I have to be honest when I turn on the TV and heard the voice I got so happy that it’s almost indescribable. For me this is something that should’ve been done along time ago I don’t know how to television industry keeps ignoring blind people and why lobbyist keep turning efforts to delay descriptive audio. Pres. Obama went first running put up a website touting efforts for how he was going to assist people with disabilities, but yet all I’ve seen our delays. Descriptive audio was to be mandated by the FCC for networks to have a certain amount of hours by 2008 then I got delayed 2011 and then again to 14 and now to 16. This is on acceptable I understand lobbyist have power, but why are we getting defeated by the United Kingdom and accessibility. Most primetime shows and United Kingdom have descriptive audio and is easily accessible by touching a button. Here only PBS has a few hours a day of descriptive audio content. This isn’t no way political blog that’s not why started this I just don’t understand why we keep delaying the inevitable? The United Kingdom again has these talking boxes but when I asked Time Warner when we would see them in United States there still at least a year away from launch and if the merger happens between Comcast and Time Warner all bets are off.

I was able to view the guide information such as what was on right now what would be on the future for days out and I could even view filmography’s and bios for actors and actresses in the show. I could choose to record a show record a series and had full DVR capabilities. I turn on the TV and heard it say on now the Steve Harvey show you give me the time left and even a brief description of what the show is about I could mute the speech pause the speech or listen to it speak but it was pretty amazing. I guess for the first time with television I felt normal it was just me and the remote it wasn’t me the remote my phone a laptop or whatever else I used to access the Internet for information. I really want one right now! I did get some feedback with speech and ways to maybe speeded up sighted people don’t understand that we use speech every day so if it goes slow it’s a bit annoying for us to listen to were so used to hearing it fast that that’s what we need. Other than that it was a great product and I appreciate them allowing me to see it and spend an hour or so with the box.

I will quickly go over what is happened in the last few days. We came to New York last night and went to a restaurant called no boo I’ve wanted to go there forever! The crab was amazing Jamison Winston would definitely have tried to steal it. Haha after dinner everyone wanted to go to the Empire State building and see the view. I was not really into it because truthfully I thought it would be boring. I decided to humor my friends and go along, and I’m glad I did. We got off the elevator Erica walk me over and describe the scenery to me. She was pretty in depth and it was sweet of her to do so. I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all and actually could picture what she was describing. Obviously is not the same experience that you would get but I did enjoy my time. It was cool hearing the sound from that far above from the city I enjoy that part. I was happy to spend the night with Erica in New York I felt feelings that I was not sure I had. She read this so I have to be careful what I say. I would just end my thought with this I’ve never felt so comfortable around someone that it truly is a nice experience to have and I’m lucky to be experiencing it. She is a gem.

I toured serious XM studios today as well! I actually decided my dreams of doing Radio have changed and for the first time I’m okay with not getting as far as I had wanted to go with it. I got a chance to talk with my friend Opie and I will in this post with his quote. Don’t be ashamed of trying the only shame is never trying the last three years I watch you struggle to find who you wanted to be and I’ve seen you become something other should strive to be. I think that’s how it ended close enough. I’m a bit tired after all I’m in the city that doesn’t sleep and I was pretty excited for things today, but the Yankee game is been postponed so I’m going to sleep soon. We’re taking a train back to Philadelphia so I can see Neil’s house I’m pretty excited about that.

Oaks day the Kentucky Derby in a day of recovery

This year was my first year going to Oaks day for the Kentucky Derby!! Oh man it was a blast. My friend Neil picked me up around 9, and we went to the track. I got my first mint julep around 9:30, so the day got pretty long by the end. Erica came out in the afternoon, and it was fun being able to joke with her and Neil. They played a prank on me at one point in the afternoon. My friend Pat who I worked with on the radio, as well as learning some writing skills from him came over and said hi. Erica said there was nowhere to sit so can she sit on my lap? I said sure, and Pat sat on my lap. I could have gone my whole life not having seen that.

After the Oaks we went to Neil’s brothers for a cookout. After the cookout we all played a game of football, and rather than falling on a bush this time I escaped with no injuries. Neil will hand me the ball and tell me which way to run. I scored one touchdown. His family is great they let me come over last year for Thanksgiving, and it was nice. I’m not from Kentucky, so I really don’t have any family in the area.

I kind of felt bad that night after the football game, because I’ve been drinking the last two weekends. I don’t want Erica getting the wrong picture of me. I decided after I took an hour nap or so drank a lot of water to take her out by the river for a little date. We sat and talked for a long time about goals, and our future. It was really nice, and I’m glad I thought of it.

My last post was me being truthful. Sight lack of sight it all doesn’t really bother me anymore, but when people bring it to the forefront I get a little uncomfortable. Ultimately I know it’s something I have to let go, but that doesn’t help in the moment of. One thing about Erica I love is that I can be so honest with her about my thoughts or feelings. I’m a pretty deep person, so I have a lot of them. She actually had told me one of her friends asked her what it was like to date someone blind? I told her she should have said it’s dark since I don’t use lights. She did tell me her response, and I thought it was pretty remarkable. She told her friend that she has to describe certain things to me from time to time, but most of the time she forgets I can’t see. She said that we’ve both been there for each other when we’ve needed to be. I’m feeling pretty relaxed for the first time in a long time.

This isn’t related to Erica or anything, but I am meeting with a realtor Thursday to start the first step and see how much I could get approved for on a home. I love it here, and see myself being here for at least five years so why not buy. I will write a lot about that Thursday night or Friday so stay tuned.

This brings me to Saturday Derby day! I had a hard time waking up, and I felt awful. I took Lyft over to my friends Mat and Amanda’s apartment. We then took the bus downtown to Fridays for lunch. I had a mint Julep and a Lily. I really needed something fruitier to settle my stomach. This guy during dinner walks over and says I’m scared of dogs will they bite? I said no they’re friendly. He then shook my hand and says remember my name Justen Triplet. I just thought that was a weird interaction. When I left Fridays on the street this person stood on the curb just laughing as I passed. Seriously I think they were watching me, because she was just standing there not moving. It made me feel uncomfortable for a second. I kind of thought to myself am my fly open, something on my shirt or face, or am I just funny looking?

After dinner we went over to my friend Nataly’s house for the Derby. I think we had about 10 people, so it was a good turnout. California Chrome blew everyone away; he had a 6 pace lead at one point impressive. After the Derby I went home and bought Netflix again. I have a love hate relationship with Netflix. I just love being able to watch things on demand with my apple TV, and they had some shows I really wanted to see, so I’ll keep it for a few months and then reevaluate.

Sunday I got Erica off to work, and then caught some sleep until about noon. I woke up to her coming in, saying we should go on a walk. I said quickly the sun will hurt my eyes it’s too bright. She accepted that for about 10 minutes, and then said your eyes are fake the sun shouldn’t bother them. I laughed, and we went on a walk around my general apartment area.

A big part of the weekend was us betting on the Cubs Cardinals games. The Cubs won the series thankfully, so she had to wear a Cubs jersey around yesterday. The Cubs lost last night, so I had to wear a Cardinals shirt to bed, so maybe that’s why I didn’t sleep well. We only got to watch last night’s game together, but it was great. We were both intense she slapped me a few times when the Cubs scored. Were pretty competitive people. All things aside it was a great evening. We’re going to Cedar Point at the end of May, so I think that will be a nice get away. We have been spending a lot of time together so far, but I really like her just being there. Tonight she will not be around, so I will have to adjust to the single life again fending for myself. I’m going back to Fridays for dinner with some old friends. I’m pretty excited!

Overall the Derby was a success. Pilot Neil is still in town, and was planning to do something next Saturday. His wife is having a hard time find work in Philadelphia, and he hates it there so hopefully they will move back soon.

I didn’t mean to go so long without posting, but I was pretty tired, so you get one longer summarized post.

Hurdles!

Tonight I told my grandparents I was dating someone. The first question they asked was is she sighted? The second question was does she have a car? Don’t worry I wrote them all down. The third question was what is her name? Fourth question is what does she do? I swear to God that was the order of the conversation we had. I don’t know why it still bothers me, but I don’t look at women like that. I’m a little upset so I don’t know if I can put into words how exactly I’m feeling, but it’s a weird feeling. I’ve been gone 10 years, and yet their faith in blind people has not changed. I don’t ask for any financial help, and they help support others more than me. Yet more often than not I get this feeling that I got tonight we don’t have to worry someone can drive you and take care of you. Erica is coming over soon so hopefully I don’t do anything to push her away, but this really frustrates me it’s a hurdle I’ve always had to figure out. It’s not her fault no that’s not what I’m trying to say, but it’s more like the way they see me is how I interpret how she should see me if that makes any sense.

When I was younger I remember saying things like I don’t know how blind people could get to a point in their life where they are so angry. I used to think they should just accept it and move on. As I get older I realize blindness is something I can except but it never just goes away. What I’ve noticed about being home lately is I didn’t realize how tired I was from traveling, and since I stopped I feel so much more clear. i’m sleeping whole nights, and I feel healthier. To be honest I delete this paragraph but I’m too lazy I really have no idea where the hell I was going with that thought.

I called because my grandpa is sick, and I know there’s not a lot of times I will be able to talk to him in the future. I just don’t know how to deal with this, or interpret it. Obviously I know this doesn’t have to impact my relationship with Erica, but it opens up my flaws. My grandma made a comment to me after I told her she was sided and she said oh you’re finally learning. For real? The last two girls I’ve dated have been cited, and guess what they did not and so well. Anyway I’m not really sure why I came here, but I just want to show you on a whole how the world works. This is exactly why feel I have to kill a grizzly bear when I meet a girl’s parents, because my own family doesn’t understand after all these years.

I still have a lot to learn

Last night Erica and I had a conversation. Monday I had left robin by herself all day, because she wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t ask her to stop by, because it would have been out of her way to do so. Anyway Monday night was pretty rough, because she hung up on me and I wasn’t really sure where we were going to go from there. She called me back and said she would come over Tuesday night to talk.

We went out to the little pond at my apartment, and sat for a while talking about each other’s day. I find the water sound so peaceful. Finally we got down to the meat of the conversation. She said that she understood why I am protecting myself, but if I want us to grow I have to let things go. I agreed with her I basically started off the conversation with I’m sorry I was wrong. In my mind I felt I was doing the right thing, and maybe it’s not about what was wrong or right, but I didn’t call her or include her with what was going on. She told me she wants to be a part of my life I love robin, and so does she, and she wants to protect that. She used an example that I really understood. She said what if I was sick and didn’t want you paying for a cab to my place so I just didn’t tell you that would make you mad right? Of course I would be, because I would want to get her soup or do whatever she needed to help her feel better.

I’m not perfect, and I know people like Jared tried to show me flaws in my ways of thinking, but this is the first time I get it. For me I’m just trying to rationalize I’ve had a hand full of bad relationships, and why would someone want to be with me and my short comings? I watched my dad growing up and he did all the driving and handy work. I’m good at doing things around the house, and have a pretty good skill set but I just feel lacking somehow.

Mel told me that if I want someone caring and loving they’re going to want to be nurturing towards me. I may have butchered a bit what she told me, but it was helpful. I’ve never seen my thoughts on being independent as harmful, but now I see they need a little improving. I still want to take things slow, but Erica and I reached a level of understanding that felt really nice yesterday. She also said that I do more for her than I realize, and I don’t have to worry. She gave me some examples which were really nice and thoughtful. Things like I text her in the morning, or randomly just to say hi with a little positive note. She told me she’s never had that before. I also hooked up her surround sound recently which she was struggling with. She also mentioned how I was able to just fit right in with her grandpa, and she liked that. I just thought her examples were easy for me to understand, and I felt more wrong and awful for creating a situation.

This whole experience has me feeling like I will always learn. Maybe were never really done learning! I’m independent and I take care of everything for myself, but because I can’t drive or build something for Erica I felt inadequate which really is ridiculous. I’m sure it comes from rejection and just a lot of negative feelings that have built up, because it isn’t easy. When you find someone who wants to love you you have to hold on I would have eventually just killed it thinking like how I was. When I moved to Louisville I met a guy named Jerry. He owns about 18 rental properties and is totally blind. He does construction work on everyone. He is building a new house right now, and if it wasn’t so far from where I live I would have been interested. I’ve helped drive fence posts, but I never thought I could build a room on my own. That is me limiting myself, because Jerry can do it. I asked him how he designs something, and he just told me it comes natural he’s always been good at that kind of architecture. I think were molded by are environment and ultimately what we know. If it’s important to me to learn how to build a house I’ll probably figure it out if it’s not I’ll just pay someone.

Tonight is our first date, so I have the butterflies. We’ve gone out as friends a lot, but there is this spark now, so it’s a bit different. I have a nice romantic first kiss planned after dinner as well, so here is to hoping.

By the way next week Pilot Neil is coming in to town for the Derby, so I’m excited to have some live stories involving him. Friday I have off, so were going to the track for Oaks day. He is always challenging me to try something different like that football story I told you about a while ago, or tandem bike riding. He usually will let me drive as well, so were always up to something. I asked him recently if he had found a new blind friend to replace me In Philadelphia. He responded with he’s moved on to searching for someone in a wheelchair he’s met enough blind people. We are planning on going to some baseball games this summer, because he has a plane and has to fly to maintain a license. His wife Adrian goes along, so we have a good time. She keeps us in line a lot of the time.

A bit about dating depression and life

Yesterday was the NCAA men’s finals I did not catch any of it. This struck me as a little weird because I’m a huge sports fan and I don’t think I’ve ever missed an NCAA finals game before. I’ve been going through a little depression lately and haven’t really spoke about it. A few weeks ago I went on a date a second date as a matter fact, and afterwords when she was bringing me home she said she had to use the bathroom so I allowed her to come into my apartment. She was here for about 15 to 20 minutes and I ended up going through some hell. The next morning after she had gone I realized my Bose headphones and Bluetooth speaker were missing. I looked all over for them but couldn’t see them. I have a one bedroom apartment and is only a few places I would put things. I texted her and she did not respond. Around 9 o’clock I texted her and said if she did not respond I would call the police still no response.

Finally the next morning the police called me and said they had my stuff. She also stole a autograph baseball which I didn’t realize until later. My friend Pat agreed to pick up the items for me since he set us up. I definitely do not want her back at my house or around me at all. My stuff still works it doesn’t look like it took any abuse I was just relieved to have it back.

Over the weekend I went to the final four women’s tournament where I ran into a woman who I have had history with. We ended up going to lunch which was really great and we had a in-depth conversation. I’ve talked to her on the phone a few times but it was great seeing her in person I think because she gave me some ideas that I am going to use. We will just remain friends but I am thankful for that because she is very smart and helpful her being in my life I think will be a good thing. I will mention her name because it’s not important and doesn’t need to be said in a public forum but the game of basketball is very lucky to have her and she will lead the women’s game to new heights. Anyway before she drop me off at the Greyhound station to come home she said something to me that was very interesting. She told me that she is reading my blog as well as watching my posts on Facebook. She said while I put myself out there a lot emotionally and share my feelings, but I hold the best part of me back. I can explain more about that but I will leave it alone. I think overall with relationships i’ve overlooked through the years people that would’ve been good fits because maybe I’m scared of commitment, failure, or just wasn’t attracted to that type at the time. Talking to my friend over the weekend I realized that maybe I do fend off people that are attracted to me for some reason and 10 to try for people way out of my league. Also dating sighted people has been a challenge because I’m never viewed as an equal for some reason. I can provide for her help I could probably even buy her a car or a house but a lot of times women come in and want to be your mom or never quite treat you equally. Lexi may have been the first to do so. My girlfriend Taylor as well did a pretty good job at treating me equally but it’s not the norm.

It’s easy for someone to look on the outside and say I have a lot to offer someone but to find someone who will except that is a different story. With the New Orleans girl I was talking about earlier that’s what I will call her because that’s where we first met we met after a basketball game and spent the night together. We went out drinking because they have lost so she wanted to vent about the season, and then we went back to her hotel. I was pretty new and radio and it was really my first trip, so this was definitely new to me. You can probably figure out what happened next, so I won’t paint those details I’m not really about that. In the morning we talked about possibly having a relationship but with her going on to do bigger things in me and Louisville distance would definitely have been an issue. We decided to remain friends and text each other a few times the following months. When I saw her over the weekend I realized I would add her to the things that went pretty well list, because hanging out with her I don’t really feel like she views me as being blind. We’ve never really spent that much time in person together, but she is kind of a leader anyway and I feel like that type of personality is rare to find. Finishing off where I was going to go with this thought doing radio I’ve gotten to go to a lot of places but at times it’s been kind of lonely. It’s cool to go to different cities and view different games, but sometimes I would like to have someone to share with or call home too.

Anyway New Orleans girl said to me after telling her about a girl in my life why don’t I ask her out? After I laid out all of the excuses that I had she saw right through it and said if you never give love a chance how can it form? A girl here has been pursuing me for a while but I kind of ignored it and I really don’t know the reasons. I have a few negatives but overall I never gave it a chance or much of a thought. With all the crazy things that of been happening lately I would just like to have something safe, and she would definitely provide that. On Friday I’m going to lay it out like that and just tell her my feelings and be honest. I don’t think she reads this blog, but if she does h oh well. Haha with my life traveling around and staying busy I’ve neglected part of me that needs to feel some normalcy. I kind a ranted and this post, but over the next few years or however long I continue this I hope that you’ll learn about struggles blind people have in life. I will provide funny stories, because there are a lot of them but I also want you to see the difficult things we go through as well. Dating and employment are the two hardest ones.

Okay I vented I missed the stupid tournament game and I’m a little sleepy now so it’s back to bed for now. On a positive I gave Robin a massage today and she fell asleep right next to me. Usually about once a week I try to give her a little time, so I plan something like massage or extra playtime something to make her feel special. When I first got her from the Seeing Eye she’s delay is far away from me as she could today before the massage we actually wrestled around a little bit which was something she never liked to do. Her puppy raiser was an older person and I don’t think they played with her a whole lot. She likes to play catch and tug-of-war sometimes. Tonight though I kept pushing on her and finally she put her paws around me and we rolled around and wrestled a little bit. She didn’t bite which is good I don’t want to encourage that at all. It was great and I realized that our bond is something unique. I will probably feel this bond with any dog I get in the future hopefully, but it is definitely a special thing that is hard to put into words. This weekend navigating the airport city streets and the arena the communication we have between the two of us is amazing.