A year ago I got news my friend Ethan committed suicide. The news completely rocked my world. The next few months I’d just wake up at 2 or 3 and just cry. I may have a dream about him hearing him and then wake up realizing he was still gone. When it first happened all I could do was read. About a month in I started listening to Mat Jones Kentucky Sports Radio podcast and when I could catch it live on the radio. Honestly go read the day after Kentucky lost to Wisconsin and you’ll see my heartbreak. Watching them was like this mask so to speak. I cope with these things by watching sports, because it’s the one thing that has always been there. I still really can’t watch the NFL much I am trying this year, because I know Ethan wouldn’t want me not to watch it’s just hard.
I’ve heard so many things talking with friends that try to help but most didn’t know him and most don’t understand suicide. I’ve heard things like I don’t know why people would do such a thing? That just pisses me off quite frankly, because your not in that persons shoes. To me actually doing it is probably a real courageous act. It might not be the best thing, but it takes guts. To be in that much pain and whatever. I stopped talking about it around most, because I didn’t want to hear there ignorance.
I don’t wake up crying anymore, but I do think about him and wish he could still be here. I think about texting him about a Colts trade, or to laugh about something that would have been an inside joke and then let my phone fall back down.
Saying goodbye was the hardest for me. I remember the funeral seemed like a dream I couldn’t get awake from. You never picture saying goodbye to your best friend when he was 27. You never think this will be the last time we texted or talked. I cherish every memory I have of him, and I lost someone who no matter what I could count on if I needed something.
I wrote a memory about him, and it pained me to do so. I didn’t think it would be hard to share something, but I found it hard to focus on one thing or one instant. Here I share pretty personal feelings, but even now I am holding back a bit. I think about him every day, and I don’t think that will change. He always included me which I found special looking back a lot of people don’t so yeah.
I was going to write 2 posts, but I feel like shit. My throat hurts and my head is aching. Small problems I know. This weekend I went to the Kentucky game with Robin. When I got there the seat I had bought wasn’t big enough for her to fit down in between. I panicked because I requested special for accessible seating. They told me everything was sold out, but they had room in a box. I got up there and it was amazing. They had free hotdogs and soda. It had it’s own bathroom, and about 18 other people who knew I didn’t belong. No one really talked to me so that was a bummer. I did meat Rodger the concession guy we talked most of the night. On one play in particular I tossed my radio in front of me a little hard and it flew in to the wall. This lady came over and said here I think this is yours? I said thank you and couldn’t think of a disability I could claim to blame it on. The radio still worked Tom came over it just fine. Kentucky’s quarterback completed 8 passes the entire game and yet they still had a shot to win on the last drive. Overall I enjoyed the box, but I missed being in the noise. There were windows, but not quite the same.
Finally I will talk about this girl I met named Abby. We’ve been hanging out the last few weeks, and things are going really well. With her things are just really chill. I mean like I’ve always felt like I’’ve put in work and the other half has come up short or taken advantage of my kindness. I really like joking with her, and I’m excited to see where things go. I am taking things one day at a time, but I really enjoy spending time with her. She actually watched the entire football game and is catching on really quickly. I am planning on taking her to Lexington to watch a basketball game this year she loves the basketball team. The bus I took this time was real smooth and I was able to connect with a bus in Lexington that got me to the stadium.
I might as well say this now I had a job interview in Nebraska but thankfully I didn’t get the job. It would have been working with blind people something I want to do again soon. I just couldn’t imagine leaving Louisville and my home. The older I get the less diserable that becomes. I was freaking about everything moving Robin again, learning a new city, and what the hell to do with my house? Things work out though.
Before I go I just wanted to say hold those close to you tight. Even if you fight say I love you and hug them more, because you never know when the last time will be. I got let down by the Colts and Packers exit last year, but if the Cubs win the world series this year I know you played the best card up there sir. I’ll never replace him there will always be a spot for him no matter how many years pass. I loved the person he was and the prints left by him. I’ll see him again one day, and he can by me drinks pretending there from women to get me drunk and feel better about myself. I miss you buddy.
My Thursday started off pretty good I went and picked up flowers and some candy for Monica. After work I went to the airport and on my way she sent me a text saying basically she wouldn’t be coming. I’ve been stood up before the worst was a year ago being left at dinner so she could go back to her ex in New Albany so I had to take a 100 dollar cab ride. I think I am entertaining, but that was the worst I’ve ever felt I think when it comes to dating. Monica bothered me, but like a friend said I saved money by her not coming.
Friday I lie around and felt sorry for myself. Cuddling with Robin and watching my favorite periscoper Colbie Caillat. She just makes me feel bubbly I get the tingles usually in a silly place that start in my nose. Anyway I find her entertaining. All weekend I saw her doing things at a lake. I watched baseball, and ate a pizza yes a whole pizza again I was feeling sorry for myself.
Saturday I woke up and decided enough of that. I wanted some beer so I used Lyft and went to a liquor store mainly because I could run in I thought and run out fast. If I went to Kroger because it’s bigger I’d have to go to the customer service desk wait on assistance, and it would just be annoying for some beer. I went to this store called my Friendly Liquors. My Lyft driver didn’t speak good English, and when I went in to the store I didn’t have much better luck. I asked if they had any Upland Wheat which is a familiar beer to Louisville. She was like what? I spelled it to her, and she still seemed lost. I asked do you have any Miller. She said yes. I said okay, but I really just wanted a choice so I asked do you have any Pap’s? She said do you want Pepsi? No were going the wrong way here. I settled on Miller.
My friend Tyler and her husband came over. Tyler as I said a journalist has been a big part of me wanting to get back in to radio. She has gone through men saying she can’t do sports since she is a woman and a bunch of other stuff I won’t mention. She is a meddler, and invited a neighbor of mine over for dinner. I have to back up a second and explained how I met her. Robin was out in the yard, and she came to the steps wining. As I got up to get her she barked and the woman said she’s barking at me and my dog. We talked for a second, and anyway when I told Tyler as she was coming back by she stopped her and invited her up. It went well at first I did not want really to do that yet, but then I remembered I do want kids and a relationship possibly so I calmed down.
We then went downtown to watch the firework show. Tyler bought some bottle rockets, and I decided to shoot a few off. My brother and I used to buy fireworks when we were kids, and he taught me how to light them. I remember I would light them and run and duck in the grass. I love the forth. Anyway in Louisville apparently we have the fun police, because I got yelled at after lighting my third one for being dangerous to others. I didn’t want to have any trouble so I stopped and sat down. I still love fireworks but not like I did when I was a kid. I loved the big booms of them obviously, but the older I get it just becomes repetitive. I still love Thunder over Louisville because that’s so loud and moving. However I wish I could see the colors of them at times. Maybe for sighted people they become repetitive also. I left Robin at home because she isn’t scared, but why stress her out. Plus I had been drinking so I just didn’t feel the need.
My friend I met and I hung out on Sunday a bit. She is single with 1 dog. That’s important to me I realized I like animals, but I can’t deal with a lot of them. She also likes baseball so that’s cool. I am just not rushing anything I’ve learned my lesson. I am going to be friends first and just go from that point.
Last night I was watching the Cubs game and found myself being really emotional. I don’t know what is going on with me this week. I was listening to the radio cast and decided to Youtube some old Ron Santo clips, and it just got to me. I’ve spoken before about Ron and what he meant to me as a teen. After being rejected from whatever reason blindness and living in the country or just feeling not good enough I could turn on the Cubs game and be in different place. Pat and Ron would always make me laugh. I think I am either going through man menopause or something I’ll get over it by Monday hopefully. Robin has been great she’s been sweet the last week. The Cubs are special I’m not sure they’ll make it this year, but next they have a shot. I like the young guys with the veterans. Pitching is where were weakest, but if everyone’s healthy and we get hot I could see this team winning the Series this year. Of course that all has to happen and we all know the luck of the Cubs. The bone headed errors have to stop as well, and we really need to beat the Cards while they’re wounded.
This vacation thing has really been tough on me. I figured out what I’m doing, but to get there was a real trip in itself. I talked about this a bit on my radio show yes you read that right I did a radio show again on Saturday. I had my friend James who used to drive me for my other gigs back in the day drive me. The first thing he says to me when he pulls up early in the morning is you sound full of energy again. The broadcasting thing drains me; because I really have a hard time with saying okay I need to step back from this. The show went well in fact really well. I didn’t feel the time gap of it at all.
This vacation thing I will be honest. I started out wanting to go camping, and I talked to Mel, and she was like are you nuts? Logically to me camping as a blind person doesn’t seem that challenging, but I admit there would be hurtles. She said you don’t have to prove anything to the people that love you so why are you taking a risk? I didn’t have an answer for her at the time, but Wednesday and Thursday I came home didn’t eat dinner, and just slept on my couch and bed. A month ago I was dating this girl on the low. She started dating this guy and I was out. I ran in to her one night at the Tin Roof. I hate that place by the way at least the one in Louisville to small, and to loud. Anyway she asked me to sit with her and her boyfriend who wasn’t weird at all insert sarcasm. This guy was like a woodsy guy vary masculine put that on the fact I was already going through this issue with not driving it meant depression for me. I decided that I would just go do this camping idea as a way to prove to myself that hey I can do it. After I started talking about it publically my mind changed. My friend Steve called me up asking me why I want to live in the 1800’s when I don’t have too. That was a great question. If I had kids or maybe a sweaty romantic getaway maybe camping would be alright, but otherwise I chose another idea. I’ve always wanted to leave the United States just to travel somewhere different. I never have. In Toronto they have a hotel attached to the ballpark. Now I ask you that just has my name written all over it I mean how can we get any more convenient for blind people? I’m looking in to taking a bus out to Niagara Falls state park we’ll see if that happens, but I will be going to 3 Jay’s games.
With that I had to ask could I take Robin. It’s her birthday, so if she can’t go I can’t go. That’s how I roll she’s got to come with me on her birthday. I called her school, and spoke with a lady who said Canada is fine with service animals, so it’s decided. Stay tuned for updates from Canada. Also as far as proving things to people who don’t matter Mel is right. At the end of the day to some people I could swim across the Pacific, and I’d still be helpless or blind. I think if you don’t believe in you it’s hard for someone else to. I could look at my failed relationships and let it consume me with thoughts I don’t deserve any better or you can look at it and correct things and move on. If you don’t believe that you do you never will.
First of off happy birthday to the blog it is now over a year old! I wish I could’ve written on the year anniversary but I was busy well not really just not sleeping well lately. I struggle at times with a condition called non24 since I can’t see sunlight or something that causes my body to get off track. Let me just give you my sleeping schedule for Wednesday. I fell asleep Tuesday night at 9 woke up at 1:30 AM and then couldn’t get back to sleep until 5:30 AM. I then woke up to my alarm at 6:30 and went to work. I’m exhausted by the end of the day honestly.
Something happen to me that’s never happened I wore two kinds of different shoes. I just got a new pair and they honestly feel like an older pair I have I grabbed the right one from the new pair and the left one from the old pair not noticing. Until I went out to dinner with my friend Tyler she was quick to point it out. We ate dinner with a broadcaster from CBS sports the first time I had met him and I was pretty embarrassed! We all had a good laugh I just rolled with it if you can’t laugh at yourself at times who can you laugh at? Anyway he told me some stories of some games he had called which was pretty amazing. We talked for about an hour about my goals my failing career as sports are concerned, but he was pretty encouraging. My friend Tyler arranged it, and it was a great chance for me to just network.
So because of my sleep disorder at this very second I have not slept at all so I have chili cooking in the crockpot and 29 beers waiting for me let the madness begin. Growing up in Indiana basketball was of course my favorite sport as a child. I’ve told the stories about playing all day. It’s funny I have an argument that is going to be pretty upsetting to Indiana fans. The most relevant college basketball team in Indiana in the last decade is not Indiana or is not Purdue but little Butler. If you can argue against that I would love to hear it I’m proud of Butler for accomplishing what they have that being said they will lose the Texas today market down.
A few years ago I went to the games with Ethan I blog about that last year after he died. I was really debating if I should go this year but the idea caused me a lot of hardship so I decided against it. I will be just as happy watching from home. If Kentucky winds which they will and Perdue wins which they should I may go Saturday. It’s just not time yet for today.
The other bit of news is I met a woman online who is blind and has a Labrador as a guide dog. We’ve been talking a lot online so anyway she is coming in to town today. We will see how that goes. I warned her about my addictive sports habits, and she was fine. She is in to a lot of outdoor activities so I’m looking forward to maybe doing some of that with her. She really enjoys hiking and other shit like that. I broke my no cursing rule, but I am sleep depribed. I’m scared of the non24 side affects it causes liver damage not that the beer doesn’t but hey. I decided to try and just order some melatonin from amazon and see if that helps. It will be here Tomorrow. This post really isn’t that informative but I wanted to get something out there since the block tourney-year-old. Have a great day and happy madness.
This should probably remind you a little bit of the older posts. let me just start with the current and then I’ll work my way backwards. I was supposed to have a date, but about 30 minutes before I went I texted her to see what she was doing and to make sure everything is still good. What we had a little conversation and lo and behold I ended up not going. she said at one point and her text message that she wasn’t comfortable going out with someone who couldn’t make eye contact with her. my exact response was well nothings changed since the first time I met you so I still can’t make eye contact After that I just stopped responding. I ordered a pizza and demolished it and now I feel sick.
Today I met a very nice Lyft Driver while I was picking up Robin from Petsmart. Her bath went well. I used our para transit system to get there and then Lyft to get home so I didn’t have to stand around so long. I apparently standing around wait too long though because five people asked me if I had a ride and I said yes. I thought it was nice of people to care though. So anyway I get into the ride and I wasn’t sure how it was going to go you never know with the dog. His name is Tim from South Carolina and he asked me how I became blind so I told him about my cancer. then he said I was positive and proceeded to tell me that while I was getting into the car about five people gathered behind me open mouth amazed that I was getting into a car. I told him my view on that where it’s either I’m Superman or handicapped there’s not much in between I still go by that. If you miss those discussions check the earlier writings. I think there are very few people who break down the barriers. I read an article earlier this week about touchscreen devices where the author of the article did no research and her first paragraph this was on the wire by the way and her first paragraph she states one sector of the population Who are left out in the cold from using touchscreens are the blind. I know I use dictation a lot but it’s because I’m lazy I could type on the touchscreen and I use them every day. furthermore if she would actually pole blind people or have asked one person rather than probably depending on the sighted person she referenced in the article she would’ve found that a high percentage of blind people use a touchscreen device. Anyway I just thought it was interesting he noticed how people stood around Gawking.
Earlier today I posted a Facebook article about parents having to provide their children’s passwords to the schools and Illinois. at first I was pretty upset by this, and I just pondered where our freedoms went? then I went to the gun range and had a moment of clarity. literally there sometimes I have brilliance and I go on rants and get worked up and then I wonder why what is it for? initially I was on the side of the parents and wonder why this was happening? Then it came to me so quickly it was shocking. Who gets blamed more than anything in the case of bowling or any issues that don’t happen in the home? That simple the school. when someone gets bullied and you watch the news I guarantee you 95% of the time it falls back on to the school. not the asshole child or the parents home situation nothing else gets brought up but how the teachers or someone at school neglected the situation. so my final thought on this is you get what you deserve parents if you’re going to blame the school don’t bitch when they start impeding on freedom. I don’t have kids so it doesn’t fucking matter to me. hahaha my final thought on the whole issue is freedom is really A disguise we like to pretend we still have. I’ve been listening to this podcast called criminal where this guy was jailed for three months because he appeared on a video tape they had and a sex offender case. i’m not going to be good at explaining the case so you may want to listen because I probably won’t do it justice but in a nutshell. The guy they arrested the innocent one met a girl online who is the sex offenders wife he had videotaped rolling in his house police seized the videotapes finding this guy they posted his picture on the news thinking he was guilty of the crimes. The guy lost his job spent three months in jail and says that people still acted nervous around him. yet we’re supposed to be innocent until proven guilty you could go more high-profile if you wanted and find similar cases but really the freedoms we have sometimes our a disguise. Even when you pay the time for a crime it’s often not forgotten or wiped off your record just my thoughts for the day. I had a lot of clarity shooting that gun didn’t I?
When I dropped off Robin and came home for a second I realized how lonely I am without her. I kept stepping on the pig and she didn’t come, or when we were driving to the gun range I kept looking on the floor for her and just felt my cane. I used to think that after she retired I would just be able to move on to the next dog, but I’m not sure anymore. I started reflecting on how much of my life she’s been part of and it was crazy. She’s been here for Ethan’s wedding baseball games, movies, jobs, football games, basketball games, my ups and downs, and just everywhere I’ve been. It’s crazy when you think about it I think of her as like a daughter it’s different than a pet. most people don’t take their pet on a plane to Arizona navigate their bus system get lost for a little while find your way those stories just aren’t there but Robin’s part of everyone for me. And the last hour I’ve been reflecting on that it’s been a little somber tonight.
So lately I’ve been having trouble sleeping I’ve been having a reoccurring dream and I wake up thinking someone is breaking into my house and then I can’t get back to sleep. Robin has been really sweet the last few nights when this happens she comes in and lays beside me which usually helps, but today it did not. so I opened up my radio app on my iPhone and pulled up the Australian open. I fell asleep pretty fast, and woke up to women’s tennis. Maria i’ll butcher her last name but you’ll know who I’m talking about if you Google was playing. No tennis is a game that requires site I would believe I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of a blind tennis league but I would be down to try that being said why do you have to have an orgasm every time you hit the ball? I could understand if you have to run across the court and connect but every time? if the Australian guy wasn’t talking it would’ve been softcore porn. even with him talking I could’ve made believe I was in the outback. Tomorrow it is confirmed I’m taking Robin to get a bath and I’m going to shoot guns so I’m sure I’ll have something event full on Monday. I also have a first date tomorrow night so we’ll see. Honestly I don’t know why I keep trying you think I’d learn a lesson from the past relationships failing that maybe I’m just not good at it or I’m interested in the wrong people but part of me still believe love can exist so I guess we’ll see.
So on Friday night the girl I’ve been hanging out with for a little while invited me to a holiday get together. She had some of her coworkers and friends there. I knew no one! so I found a conversation where people were talking about sports so I thought hey this will work for me. I have my in. so I made a comment and a guy said what would you know you can’t see it? now I have never really gotten into too many altercations, but I nearly punch this guy but I restrained and said go fuck yourself probably again not the best choice of words but I didn’t hit him. I think the only time I ever really gotten to a close altercation would’ve been with Lance in the seventh grade when we were teasing another kid. Anyway word got back to her what happen so on Saturday she call me after the Chapelle show. She asked me what happened so I told her my side and she said that I shouldn’t behave like that. I said well imagine if you were in a room full of guys and you made a comment and they said well you’re a woman what do you know how would you feel? that did not prove anything or explain or show her anything on how I felt. I think it may have agitated her actually. she started cussing at me and I said why are you yelling? And finally she said I don’t want to see you anymore. that my friends is why demolished a whole cheesecake on Sunday was pretty damn good.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families! The holidays since I’ve moved to Kentucky have been a little weird because I have to work the day before and day after usually so I haven’t really been able to go home on the actual holiday since I’ve moved. Last Christmas eve I worked in Lexington on the radio and watched home alone. you know is crazy about that day is I just wanted some damn Papa John’s on Christmas and I thought I could obtain that goal but I could not so I sat at home alone and ate some shitty TV dinner. I’m independent though so I guess that’s something. haha
Today I’m going downtown and eating at a restaurant with my friend Leslie and her children. I’m looking forward to but I’m nervous about the fact it’s a buffet. I think I’ve written about them before whenever I have to go outside my comfort zone anymore especially I really don’t like that. Buffets present this challenge to me that I just don’t like. I’m trying to work through it so I’m sure it will be fun. I’m excited to meet her family.
Saturday I’m going to the Kentucky Louisville game and I was speaking to Taylor and I said I might wear my Louisville had a Kentucky shirt. In my last post I said I root for Louisville more which is true I just really want the state to do well either way but I will be rooting for Louisville. This lad Taylor to say things like this just proves you can’t commit to someone. So I like the game of football and basketball and just because I have clothing from both teams means I have commitment issues? In my life I’ve made a lot of mistakes I’ve allowed jealousy to ruin a great relationship and friendship and I’ve learned from that. I don’t really know why things happen the way they do, but I feel you have to grow from every experience. i’ve never cheated on anyone because I know how that feels and I wouldn’t do that. However that being said I’ve stumbled upon something recently that I’m working on or trying to work through I guess. I’m not sure I really like myself or that I love myself if that makes sense? I don’t know there’s a lot of reasons things I don’t want to get into right now but I’m just trying to get to a point where I feel okay. I feel like things I phot to not become I’ve become. Recently I’ve become agitated with my blindness and I feel a little bitter which I’ve never wanted it just sort of has happened. I think when I first started this blog I wrote I used to think one day with my blindness I would just completely understand everything but I don’t think that’s the case probably because of society pressures culture and other factors you always will be dealing with something related to it.
I think she read this blog but whatever it hasn’t stop me from saying something before. lol The other night Taylor asked me if I would like to date again and I’m torn. The last time she broke up with me to go back out with an ex-boyfriend and that did not work out. I promise you since I’ve bought my house I’ve really not hung out with any women at all I get in this routine when I come home fall sleep on the couch going to work and do the same routine again. Occasionally I will have a bourbon or beer. I’ve been reading a lot and reminiscing on old memories and I’m not sure if I really want a relationship at this point. I don’t know really where the silver lining will be I’m sure I will find it in a weird way lately it’s with Kentucky sports radio and my Sonos. oh and Olivia Munn. I saw her on the newsroom recently and wow. you’re probably asking yourself what it is or how I can find someone attractive without seeing them and I don’t really know it’s just the way she carries herself I guess. I was working with the show a year ago well not really a year ago I guess like eight months ago and my whole goal was for them to be more fan friendly and they just never got it. If you can make haters listen to your show you have it going on. some people just don’t get that. anyway sorry I got off point. well I lost it so I guess I’ll save it for another day. I will write about my buffet experience the game maybe a party I’m going to tomorrow night so if I’m not into much pain on Sunday expect a post. I’m hoping to throw some darts this weekend I was talking about it with someone at work recently I love that game I’ve already lost my eyes so whatever. cheap blind joke ring the bell. Have a happy Thanksgiving and stay safe.
Honestly forlike the last month I haven’t really been myself. I get up go to work come home fall asleep repeat. I’ve been going to a therapist the last few weeks to try to MoveOn. i’ve always dreamed of doing radio and being off the last six months has actually been kind of nice. actually being home on the weekends is kind of a new thing. However it’s weird not having that travel to look forward to.
When you’re young dreams fly in your head a lot about what you want to do when you grow up. when you actually grow up sometimes dreams die and you just try and put food on the table that is reality. I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately like why are we here? what is the purpose? My whole goal is to try and show people that the blind people are just like anyone else, but when I’m reminded how people actually see us it feels defeating. I think with life it’s easy to get lost down a dark road, because and fortunately things aren’t always black-and-white. It’s amazing to me with social media how lost you can become with people you once knew. A few times in the last month I’ve been kicked by people that I know. I always heard people try to tear you down when you’re up, but it seems people try to tear you down when you’re down as well. Like I said when Ethan died there are a handful of people in your life that you really can depend on everyone else is just sort of there. People trying to kid themselves by having thousands of Facebook friends, but to me that’s pretty retarded.
I’ve been pretty sick the last week, but I’m starting to feel better. Last night was beautiful I took Robin and let her run in the yard and I ended up falling asleep in my chair outside for a few hours. That’s been pretty enjoyable for me the last month is allowing Robin some freedom that she’s never really had since I’ve had her. I always felt sad for her living in an apartment because she couldn’t run. she definitely has slowed down some this year, but she still pretty active. when it’s hot I don’t pusher like maybe I once would’ve. unless I have to be out there I don’t. in years past I would’ve taken a walk just to walk in the 90° weather. That being said this morning Robin and I explore the neighborhood a little bit. Pretty much when I first got her GPS was just coming out handheld for us. i’ve always loved just going out taking a street and see where it goes. I learned a lot about Muncie that way. One thing I enjoy about having a dog is when you get lost you can sit them down and pet them why you think about how to get back. haha
Today I think I’m going to actually go and be around people which is rare these days. I have tickets for the Louisville game and I want to go to the birthday party for the bell of Louisville. This brings me to my final topic one that’s a little confusing for me right now. Yesterday after my session my therapist asked me if I would want to go out with her sometime? I’m a little torn because I’m not sure how professional that is, and I don’t want to ruin a good thing. I don’t talk to many people about what it’s like to fail in radio, or decline a job because of being scared of not finding work if I were get fired from that one. I took a risk moving to Louisville to do my current job, but when given the chance I didn’t take the risk and following my dreams and I don’t know why. Anyway I just hate starting over with someone new if it doesn’t work out, but will see. I was only going to go do a few more sessions anyway. haha I don’t write as much as I want to, so if I don’t have an update next week I think the Royals win the World Series.
This weekend has been great! Let me start on Thursday which was actually 3 July. I went on a date with this girl named Marissa. We met at Applebee’s and then watched a movie it went really well! She has a German Shepherd seeing-eye dog as well and besides one small altercation they get along well now. Reflecting on our first time together I remember trying to tell her things that I thought would be useful but then I kind of realized maybe I was saying them because she can’t see which is dumb because it’s what I hate. Lol I told her if I get annoying just tell me and I’ll stop I kind of realized what I was doing so the next two days we hung out I don’t think I did that. I have to say I’ve never been around someone that I can just be myself say what I want and not worry about necessarily being judged for what I say I really am starting to enjoy that aspect of our relationship. I will touch on something else in the next story.
For the Fourth of July we went to her uncle’s lake house and it was a great day. I went tubing which I had not been since I was probably 14 or 15. I realized I am no longer young. I’m pretty sore still. At the lake I use a lot of sunscreen because I’m pretty white and I burn easily. She kept reminding me to use it which I enjoy because for me that was a sign of her caring. Sometimes being blind means when going to a event you can kind of be out casted or at least I’ve felt at times a little bit on the outside. Hangingout with her on Friday I never felt that which was nice. I remember we were about to go tubing and she said we can hold hands it won’t be that bad but then once he started going fast she said okay I think we have to hold on now which is pretty accurate it got a little bumpy her dad said we got up to about 22 miles an hour and when we would bounce it would hurt. It was definitely fun though I just need to get in shape. I’m realizing I’m not as much of a daredevil as I used to be. I was a little nervous I must admit during that ride. Don’t get me wrong I still had a lot of fun but I noticed that I bit more cautious than I used to be. I’m still struggling a little bit to exactly say or figure out what I want to share about our relationship because it’s something that should be between us so sorry if I’m not being a very good wordsmith. I know that I enjoy the day because I didn’t feel any pressure and I felt so comfortable because she was there and just being around someone who understands that. When I got out at my place honestly felt like I didn’t want the day to be over and that I didn’t want to lose her. I had a pretty long string of bad things happening with women and I can honestly say I should probably pay attention to the feelings because everything just fits with her.
Saturday we went to a barbecue at my friend Jerry’s house. I invited Marissa because I wanted her to meet some people that have been very kind to me since moving to Louisville. After that we went back to her place and we decided to start a relationship. I’m really excited about that because she takes me for who I am I’m not saying she won’t want to change some things about me because I’m sure she will but it’s special when you find someone that feels right. She has strengths that are some of my weaknesses and vice versa. As we go forward and build I’m excited to learn about her and just grow closer. I guess one thing for me is because I can’t see someone and make eye contact I really enjoy things like handholding because that allows me to still have contact if that makes sense. It’s just little things like that that she understands maybe it’s because were both blind or maybe not I just know that I’m really happy. I’m not having a great writing day so sorry I will deathly post more as time goes on but as far as our relationship I think that’s all I want to say to the public. And to finish off my thought on Robin I think she is pretty excited to have a sister it’s kind of interesting when someone would knock on the door they started barking in unison.