Category Archives: Dating

I am engaged Uber said no to me Washington trip went well!

It’s been awhile, so let’s start with the biggest news of all. Abby and I are engaged. I kept buying a ring from her secret thanks to Daniel for finding it. Also thanks for Jenny, Michelle, and my mom and dad for looking at the picture I sent them. Once I picked it up I was more nervous than I thought with it. I put it in my pocket planning on making a speech after dinner, but I couldn’t wait. She went to get some lemonade, and I put the ring on her finger. I of course put it on the wrong hand so at first she thought I was playing and it wasn’t real. I didn’t exactly know how to explain to someone blind that the ring was real. We’re talking about different options, and I think we’re going to do something small next summer. I’m excited to plan and see how the future goes.

Frasier and I have been doing well. I love him more and more each day. We went to Washington for work, and it was amazing feeling him work through stuff. Once though he ran me in to a huge branch which I corrected him for it was morning rush hour, and this lady after I corrected him was like I’ll get the branch, and I just said no we will figure it out. He did he stopped which was nice of him the second time. Lol

I did do one thing on that trip that amazed me. At work were working on indoor navigation I can say that, because it’s actually released in the versions of Nearby you can get now on IOS. I hadn’t really gotten a chance to test it in a place other than work, so I said I would get to the airport early and try and navigate to my gate on my own. I usually don’t do this, because I ultimately just want to get to my destination easily. It started out a bit rough, because my bus driver from Louisville dropped me off at arriving not departing. When I first walked in I saw on my IPhone using Nearby Explorer all of the rental car places. I saw a glimpse of an elevator, but it disappeared off my app, and walking around didn’t bring it back. I finally stood in line at the rental car place which I was ignored for a long time maybe 10 minutes apparently maybe they thought it was a gag a blind person trying to rent a car. Anyway this lady finally says can I help your sir? I walk down to her and ask where the elevator is to get me to departing flights. She says over there. I then say over where? She again points, and I say I’m blind can you give me some direction? She walks out of the booth and says I will take you over there, but I’m allergic to dogs. Apparently most of the world is or I think rather if you’re scared of them it’s an excuse you come up with. Anyway that story will come later.

She takes me over to the elevator and I get back on my way. I get to the second floor and on my app can now see TSA check in. I set it as watch. I navigate to that walking down a long hallway. I get up to the end of the rope and get a box to put my shoes and etc. in. I go first then call Frasier he comes through just fine a bit excited. I then get my shoes and bag back on and start looking for my gate b15. I ask a lady what direction the gate is from here. She says follow the moving sidewalk when it ends take a right. I do that and then look at what I can see in my app. I can see some b gates but not 15 so I set b9 as watch and start moving again. Frasier took me around a Starbucks wall that stuck out. Then Nearby started telling me all of the restaurants I went past. That was really cool! I then got to B9 and searched for my gate again and found b15! I set that on watch and navigated to it. I told Frasier to find a chair and he put his head on one and we sat down. I gave him a huge hug which he was panting pretty good, because we had walked a lot, and I am sure it was stressful for him being somewhere new trying to figure out what the hell were targeting.

I was meeting a guy named Robert who I work with, so I decided to wait for him to see how close I was. I needed b15, but sat at b16 which is about 10 feet off. It was amazing to gain that independence and be able to use the tools and my dog and do it myself. I can’t tell you how I hope indoor keeps expanding we will need a community effort, but this is really cool! This was an experience though that is good for growth for Frasier and I. Washington in general was amazing for that also crossing streets and being somewhere new to both of us.

I met 2 different people that I have met at the Seeing-Eye in Washington which was really cool. I met Lori who I met when getting Robin, and Matt who I met this time getting Frasier. Are dogs being great, and it’s cool seeing and hearing their stories also.

When I got home I took an Uber once to work. I went outside and stood waiting for the driver to get to me. She pulled up, but was at my neighbors drive. Frasier led me out to the car, and I started to get in when the lady said sir is the dog going with you? This question gets asked so much in these situations, and I don’t understand why? Maybe because you’re an idiot who clearly doesn’t read any of the Uber, Yellow Cab, or Lyft ADA laws? I proceed to say yes he is going with me she says I’m sorry, but I am allergic to dogs. I said ma’am you do know the ADA laws that allow me to bring a service animal along with me so you denying me is breaking the law. She says it’s the hair I’m allergic. I said then you shouldn’t have signed up to work with the public then. I’m blind you don’t see me being an optometrist do you? She then says you will have to cancel the trip. I said no if your denying me you need to cancel the trip. She gets in her car and sits there for about 2 minutes maybe a bit less. She then gets out and says sir I can’t cancel it I said you’re the one not taking me call Uber or figure it out. She gets in and cancels it which I’m pretty Shure she knew how to do this the entire time. I then called for another Uber and got one.

I have to say Uber has a really nice app for reporting service animal issues. I have been denied on all the services and by far there’s is the easiest to report something. They also called me Monday and said they fired the driver, and gave me a credit. The thing I find irritating to me is I did nothing wrong, but because someone didn’t want to follow the law I’m late for my appointment. I’ve seen blind people say themselves I’ve never been denied a ride, so maybe you’re doing something wrong? It’s insulting, because nothing happened that should have warranted this. I also hope for you blind folks that haven’t had this happen that it never does. For those who say don’t take Uber or Lyft Yellow Cab does the same thing and they’re way more unreliable. I have no answers, and nor do I think anyone else does on this matter, but sighted people reading this please don’t refuse a blind person a ride if you drive for one of these companies. I understand wanting to make some extra money, but if you truly have a dog allergy than be a cashier or something where not taking passengers in your car.

Frasier is so playful he is really enjoying the fact it’s getting colder. He gets so excited to go out for park time sometimes he tries to jump on me and engage me in extra play. I got him a toy for his birthday which will just add to my house full of them. I’m spoiling him probably more than I did Robin at this age, but truthfully you never know when you won’t be able to do that anymore.

I think I covered it all. I wrote this on my lunches at work mainly, and some at Abby’s.

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Happy anniversary Robin

On July 20th 2008 I received one of the greatest gifts in my life my Seeing-Eye dog a German Shepard named Robin! We worked for about 8 and a half years before she passed in December of cancer. She worked up until the end we took it easy the last 6 months, because I knew something was wrong just had no idea it was cancer until about the last week. For this post I want to focus on the first days and months after receiving Robin, because I think people would be interested in that. Some of the things I’ve said before, but hopefully you’ll learn something new. Before I start my girlfriends first dog that passed celebrated a birthday a few days ago. Even though I didn’t get to meet you I hear stories, and I bet we would have been great friends so happy birthday Alice!

I got to New Jersey on a Saturday in 2008. For the next day and a half, we would walk where trainers would watch your pace, personality, and get to know you. You got your dogs on Monday back then I think it’s changed I will soon see hopefully, and blog along the way. On Monday after lunch we all went back to our rooms, and waited to be called in to receive your dog. I remember that moment being nervous not sure what to expect. Rivi called me in she was my instructor, and described Robin to me. She then brought her in and she licked my hand and seemed excited. We went back to my room where that excitement melted a bit, because now Rivi was gone, and I was alone with her, and Robin wanted Rivi not me. I would sit on the floor and pet her and she would move as far away from me as she could. I’d scoot to her again, and she would again move away from me. During training she was always on leash for the most part or on tie down. We would do obedience every day where you practice sit, come, rest, and down. She was really good at it, but tested me the first few times to see what she could get away with.

We would get up about 5:30 and take them out to park and feed them. I remember the first morning I woke up and Robin licked me in the face. That was the first time I felt like she wanted me. For the next few days she would cry when Rivi was near, but she was pretty good about it for the most part.
After we first get them you go on your first walk where you walk around the Seeing-eye’s leisure walking course. It’s basically a circular shape with a gazeebo in the middle. I may not be accurate it’s been 9 years. Anyway we had to put the harness on and go outside. I ended up putting the harness on upside-down somehow. Robin was so patient not carrying she knew what the harness meant though we were going to go somewhere. We went out and walked, and man it was so neat. For the first time I didn’t have a stick I had to rely on her to tell me what we were approaching, and feel her to know what to do. I never had been out there without a cane, and we moved so fast. I felt really great after that walk.

The next few weeks we would go in town and walk around sidewalks doing routes learning each other. I remember one-time Robin told me to stop, and that I should turn I didn’t listen so I said forward and she wouldn’t go. I started moving forward and fell over a bush. Rivi said I needed to start to listen to girls because there always right or something to that affect.

There was part of the training where I felt like maybe a dog isn’t for me. I was so used to the cane, and being without it was difficult for me. I wanted a dog, but I just felt lost, and unclear of what to do. I have this dog stopping and communicating, but I couldn’t understand it to a degree. For 21 years all I’ve ever known is cane travel, and I’m good at it with the dog I am falling and tripping on things is it for me?

We went out for a night trip, and I remember we did really well. We got to a part where Robin thought I would clear a sticking out step and I didn’t and I fell. We continued on and on the way back she slowed down and watched for me I felt that. We went in to New York City, and that was the first time I really felt like man I couldn’t walk this with a cane. To feel her weave around people was amazing. I felt sighted I was passing people. You know people were actually in my way for once! Robin would slow down or bump them with her nose, and we’d move around them. I loved that trip I think that’s where I made my decision that I wanted to keep her.

When we got home to Muncie I had to walk her and practice some routes. I remember I took her on a bus route I did a lot, and I got turned around. With the cane your traveling and it’s objects you feel along with changes in pavement. Your mind is always processing things. With the Robin I could just sit back, and she’d get me by something and I never knew it was there. I got off the bus to go home from Wal-Mart, and we got turned around somehow. I had to ask someone where I was. I felt frustrated, because again I’ve done this successful hundreds of times why with Robin can’t I do it? The answer is you have to pay attention to what the dog is doing I know longer feel trash cans or brick columns at corners I am just on the curb. It took me the longest time to get that. I’d say about 6 months and we were fully in sync with each other.

One thing I remember I had to take a test my final writing assignment at Ball State, and I couldn’t sleep. I laid down on the floor with Robin, and she let me hold her which she never let me do before. That was like are first moment where we had been together for a while and she trusted me. I did things with Robin I hate doing with a cane or now I can’t even imagine trying with a cane. I will do it, but I hate it. Example we went to several Louisville Bat games together, and crowds never bothered me, because Robin would get me through them. I took my cane out about a month ago, and people are tripping on it, or I’m having to hold on to Abby and Bandcroft I just can’t do things as easy as I could when I had Robin. It’s funny how my thought process changed from thinking I couldn’t be without my cane to not wanting to have to use it.

That bond you share with a guide dog is so incredible. She was never too far from me I will never forget the last week we had together. She followed me everywhere I miss that. I miss her I still can work myself up and cry about it.

I’ve shared this story several times, but my first job interview was with an Apple Call Center. I had some interviews when using a cane, and they were uncomfortable, because I had to use sighted guide where you grab someone’s elbow. My thoughts on that are that person already thinks something of me, because they have to lead me around. When I went on this interview Robin followed the guide, and I was just part of the group. I was so amazed by the end of that tour I was speechless. It was the first time in my life where being blind really wasn’t mentioned other than people asking about the dog. I felt sighted. When we would walk in to restaurants, and I could tell her to follow the hostess to the table without having to do sighted guide it was such a confidence builder. With a cane I don’t have to do sighted guide I’m not saying you have to rely on it, but for me why struggle with saying where are you hello I lost you. I just take their arm to each blind person to their own I just want to get to my table or to an Airplane and move on why add stress.

I wish Robin could be with me at my new job she’d love being back downtown. I’d like to explore the area more, but I’m a bit nervous to do it with the cane. Abby and I walked to a bar the other night, and I lead the way for some of it, and it was okay, but man nothing beats walking with a guide. I learned Louisville with her I never used a cane here until now. Anyway happy anniversary to my girl, and thanks for every memory I cherish them all.

I used to think about how I’d react when the day came when Robin would pass, and nothing could or can prepare you for that. Time has helped, but I still find myself randomly getting sad wondering about her. Is she okay? What happens to us? People say it’s hard to lose a child as blind people we outlive are guides so I think that we really feel that loss. Abby and I often talk about Alice and Robin. I’d say once a week we share a story or rehash a memory. It’s nice she understands that I’m not sure someone sighted would. I know Abby thinks about Alice as much as I do with Robin. I have 2 videos I watch about once a month one is of Robin barking. Another is of her eating her last meal. Abby brought Doab over, and Robin had a kids Chicken and Rice. She couldn’t keep anything down for long anyway, so I wanted her to enjoy it. She did she licked the bowl clean. Then I gave her chips which she loved. In retirement I planned to spoil her a bit with people food something I never gave her. I am really strict and will be with my next dog on that. They have their food, and I have mine. Lol

Happy anniversary to are partnership!!! I plan on cooking spaghetti and trying out a new beer delivery service tonight. They charge normal store pricing then $5 to deliver. I don’t drink that much anymore, but it will be nice to be able to see all the beers they have. Nothing frustrates me more than asking what wheat beers they have or what loggers they have and only getting one choice. I wish sighted people could experience that one time maybe things would change. Say I go grocery shopping I have to know what brand and exact thing I want. If I go to a coffee isle and say what types of coffee do you have? That person would think I was nuts or they’d fire back with what do you usually drink? I don’t blame them, but we often miss new products or aren’t aware something is even available. Anyway just wanted to rant about that. The internet has changed this that’s why I love Amazon so much. I will report back on how this goes tonight! After I have one or two for Robin!!!

One year later and other thoughts

A year ago I got news my friend Ethan committed suicide. The news completely rocked my world. The next few months I’d just wake up at 2 or 3 and just cry. I may have a dream about him hearing him and then wake up realizing he was still gone. When it first happened all I could do was read. About a month in I started listening to Mat Jones Kentucky Sports Radio podcast and when I could catch it live on the radio. Honestly go read the day after Kentucky lost to Wisconsin and you’ll see my heartbreak. Watching them was like this mask so to speak. I cope with these things by watching sports, because it’s the one thing that has always been there. I still really can’t watch the NFL much I am trying this year, because I know Ethan wouldn’t want me not to watch it’s just hard.
I’ve heard so many things talking with friends that try to help but most didn’t know him and most don’t understand suicide. I’ve heard things like I don’t know why people would do such a thing? That just pisses me off quite frankly, because your not in that persons shoes. To me actually doing it is probably a real courageous act. It might not be the best thing, but it takes guts. To be in that much pain and whatever. I stopped talking about it around most, because I didn’t want to hear there ignorance.
I don’t wake up crying anymore, but I do think about him and wish he could still be here. I think about texting him about a Colts trade, or to laugh about something that would have been an inside joke and then let my phone fall back down.
Saying goodbye was the hardest for me. I remember the funeral seemed like a dream I couldn’t get awake from. You never picture saying goodbye to your best friend when he was 27. You never think this will be the last time we texted or talked. I cherish every memory I have of him, and I lost someone who no matter what I could count on if I needed something.
I wrote a memory about him, and it pained me to do so. I didn’t think it would be hard to share something, but I found it hard to focus on one thing or one instant. Here I share pretty personal feelings, but even now I am holding back a bit. I think about him every day, and I don’t think that will change. He always included me which I found special looking back a lot of people don’t so yeah.
I was going to write 2 posts, but I feel like shit. My throat hurts and my head is aching. Small problems I know. This weekend I went to the Kentucky game with Robin. When I got there the seat I had bought wasn’t big enough for her to fit down in between. I panicked because I requested special for accessible seating. They told me everything was sold out, but they had room in a box. I got up there and it was amazing. They had free hotdogs and soda. It had it’s own bathroom, and about 18 other people who knew I didn’t belong. No one really talked to me so that was a bummer. I did meat Rodger the concession guy we talked most of the night. On one play in particular I tossed my radio in front of me a little hard and it flew in to the wall. This lady came over and said here I think this is yours? I said thank you and couldn’t think of a disability I could claim to blame it on. The radio still worked Tom came over it just fine. Kentucky’s quarterback completed 8 passes the entire game and yet they still had a shot to win on the last drive. Overall I enjoyed the box, but I missed being in the noise. There were windows, but not quite the same.
Finally I will talk about this girl I met named Abby. We’ve been hanging out the last few weeks, and things are going really well. With her things are just really chill. I mean like I’ve always felt like I’’ve put in work and the other half has come up short or taken advantage of my kindness. I really like joking with her, and I’m excited to see where things go. I am taking things one day at a time, but I really enjoy spending time with her. She actually watched the entire football game and is catching on really quickly. I am planning on taking her to Lexington to watch a basketball game this year she loves the basketball team. The bus I took this time was real smooth and I was able to connect with a bus in Lexington that got me to the stadium.
I might as well say this now I had a job interview in Nebraska but thankfully I didn’t get the job. It would have been working with blind people something I want to do again soon. I just couldn’t imagine leaving Louisville and my home. The older I get the less diserable that becomes. I was freaking about everything moving Robin again, learning a new city, and what the hell to do with my house? Things work out though.
Before I go I just wanted to say hold those close to you tight. Even if you fight say I love you and hug them more, because you never know when the last time will be. I got let down by the Colts and Packers exit last year, but if the Cubs win the world series this year I know you played the best card up there sir. I’ll never replace him there will always be a spot for him no matter how many years pass. I loved the person he was and the prints left by him. I’ll see him again one day, and he can by me drinks pretending there from women to get me drunk and feel better about myself. I miss you buddy.

Forth of july

My Thursday started off pretty good I went and picked up flowers and some candy for Monica. After work I went to the airport and on my way she sent me a text saying basically she wouldn’t be coming. I’ve been stood up before the worst was a year ago being left at dinner so she could go back to her ex in New Albany so I had to take a 100 dollar cab ride. I think I am entertaining, but that was the worst I’ve ever felt I think when it comes to dating. Monica bothered me, but like a friend said I saved money by her not coming.

 
Friday I lie around and felt sorry for myself. Cuddling with Robin and watching my favorite periscoper Colbie Caillat. She just makes me feel bubbly I get the tingles usually in a silly place that start in my nose. Anyway I find her entertaining. All weekend I saw her doing things at a lake. I watched baseball, and ate a pizza yes a whole pizza again I was feeling sorry for myself.
 
Saturday I woke up and decided enough of that. I wanted some beer so I used Lyft and went to a liquor store mainly because I could run in I thought and run out fast. If I went to Kroger because it’s bigger I’d have to go to the customer service desk wait on assistance, and it would just be annoying for some beer. I went to this store called my Friendly Liquors. My Lyft driver didn’t speak good English, and when I went in to the store I didn’t have much better luck. I asked if they had any Upland Wheat which is a familiar beer to Louisville. She was like what? I spelled it to her, and she still seemed lost. I asked do you have any Miller. She said yes. I said okay, but I really just wanted a choice so I asked do you have any Pap’s? She said do you want Pepsi? No were going the wrong way here. I settled on Miller.
 
My friend Tyler and her husband came over. Tyler as I said a journalist has been a big part of me wanting to get back in to radio. She has gone through men saying she can’t do sports since she is a woman and a bunch of other stuff I won’t mention. She is a meddler, and invited a neighbor of mine over for dinner. I have to back up a second and explained how I met her. Robin was out in the yard, and she came to the steps wining. As I got up to get her she barked and the woman said she’s barking at me and my dog. We talked for a second, and anyway when I told Tyler as she was coming back by she stopped her and invited her up. It went well at first I did not want really to do that yet, but then I remembered I do want kids and a relationship possibly so I calmed down.
 
We then went downtown to watch the firework show. Tyler bought some bottle rockets, and I decided to shoot a few off. My brother and I used to buy fireworks when we were kids, and he taught me how to light them. I remember I would light them and run and duck in the grass. I love the forth. Anyway in Louisville apparently we have the fun police, because I got yelled at after lighting my third one for being dangerous to others. I didn’t want to have any trouble so I stopped and sat down. I still love fireworks but not like I did when I was a kid. I loved the big booms of them obviously, but the older I get it just becomes repetitive. I still love Thunder over Louisville because that’s so loud and moving. However I wish I could see the colors of them at times. Maybe for sighted people they become repetitive also. I left Robin at home because she isn’t scared, but why stress her out. Plus I had been drinking so I just didn’t feel the need.
 
My friend I met and I hung out on Sunday a bit. She is single with 1 dog. That’s important to me I realized I like animals, but I can’t deal with a lot of them. She also likes baseball so that’s cool. I am just not rushing anything I’ve learned my lesson. I am going to be friends first and just go from that point.
 
Last night I was watching the Cubs game and found myself being really emotional. I don’t know what is going on with me this week. I was listening to the radio cast and decided to Youtube some old Ron Santo clips, and it just got to me. I’ve spoken before about Ron and what he meant to me as a teen. After being rejected from whatever reason blindness and living in the country or just feeling not good enough I could turn on the Cubs game and be in different place. Pat and Ron would always make me laugh. I think I am either going through man menopause or something I’ll get over it by Monday hopefully. Robin has been great she’s been sweet the last week. The Cubs are special I’m not sure they’ll make it this year, but next they have a shot. I like the young guys with the veterans. Pitching is where were weakest, but if everyone’s healthy and we get hot I could see this team winning the Series this year. Of course that all has to happen and we all know the luck of the Cubs. The bone headed errors have to stop as well, and we really need to beat the Cards while they’re wounded.
 

Planning a vacation is stressful!

This vacation thing has really been tough on me. I figured out what I’m doing, but to get there was a real trip in itself. I talked about this a bit on my radio show yes you read that right I did a radio show again on Saturday. I had my friend James who used to drive me for my other gigs back in the day drive me. The first thing he says to me when he pulls up early in the morning is you sound full of energy again. The broadcasting thing drains me; because I really have a hard time with saying okay I need to step back from this. The show went well in fact really well. I didn’t feel the time gap of it at all.
 
This vacation thing I will be honest. I started out wanting to go camping, and I talked to Mel, and she was like are you nuts? Logically to me camping as a blind person doesn’t seem that challenging, but I admit there would be hurtles. She said you don’t have to prove anything to the people that love you so why are you taking a risk? I didn’t have an answer for her at the time, but Wednesday and Thursday I came home didn’t eat dinner, and just slept on my couch and bed. A month ago I was dating this girl on the low. She started dating this guy and I was out. I ran in to her one night at the Tin Roof. I hate that place by the way at least the one in Louisville to small, and to loud. Anyway she asked me to sit with her and her boyfriend who wasn’t weird at all insert sarcasm. This guy was like a woodsy guy vary masculine put that on the fact I was already going through this issue with not driving it meant depression for me. I decided that I would just go do this camping idea as a way to prove to myself that hey I can do it. After I started talking about it publically my mind changed. My friend Steve called me up asking me why I want to live in the 1800’s when I don’t have too. That was a great question. If I had kids or maybe a sweaty romantic getaway maybe camping would be alright, but otherwise I chose another idea. I’ve always wanted to leave the United States just to travel somewhere different. I never have. In Toronto they have a hotel attached to the ballpark. Now I ask you that just has my name written all over it I mean how can we get any more convenient for blind people? I’m looking in to taking a bus out to Niagara Falls state park we’ll see if that happens, but I will be going to 3 Jay’s games.
 
With that I had to ask could I take Robin. It’s her birthday, so if she can’t go I can’t go. That’s how I roll she’s got to come with me on her birthday. I called her school, and spoke with a lady who said Canada is fine with service animals, so it’s decided. Stay tuned for updates from Canada. Also as far as proving things to people who don’t matter Mel is right. At the end of the day to some people I could swim across the Pacific, and I’d still be helpless or blind. I think if you don’t believe in you it’s hard for someone else to. I could look at my failed relationships and let it consume me with thoughts I don’t deserve any better or you can look at it and correct things and move on. If you don’t believe that you do you never will.

Happy birthday late to the blog

First of off happy birthday to the blog it is now over a year old! I wish I could’ve written on the year anniversary but I was busy well not really just not sleeping well lately. I struggle at times with a condition called non24 since I can’t see sunlight or something that causes my body to get off track. Let me just give you my sleeping schedule for Wednesday. I fell asleep Tuesday night at 9 woke up at 1:30 AM and then couldn’t get back to sleep until 5:30 AM. I then woke up to my alarm at 6:30 and went to work. I’m exhausted by the end of the day honestly.

Something happen to me that’s never happened I wore two kinds of different shoes. I just got a new pair and they honestly feel like an older pair I have I grabbed the right one from the new pair and the left one from the old pair not noticing. Until I went out to dinner with my friend Tyler she was quick to point it out. We ate dinner with a broadcaster from CBS sports the first time I had met him and I was pretty embarrassed! We all had a good laugh I just rolled with it if you can’t laugh at yourself at times who can you laugh at? Anyway he told me some stories of some games he had called which was pretty amazing. We talked for about an hour about my goals my failing career as sports are concerned, but he was pretty encouraging. My friend Tyler arranged it, and it was a great chance for me to just network.

So because of my sleep disorder at this very second I have not slept at all so I have chili cooking in the crockpot and 29 beers waiting for me let the madness begin. Growing up in Indiana basketball was of course my favorite sport as a child. I’ve told the stories about playing all day. It’s funny I have an argument that is going to be pretty upsetting to Indiana fans. The most relevant college basketball team in Indiana in the last decade is not Indiana or is not Purdue but little Butler. If you can argue against that I would love to hear it I’m proud of Butler for accomplishing what they have that being said they will lose the Texas today market down.

A few years ago I went to the games with Ethan I blog about that last year after he died. I was really debating if I should go this year but the idea caused me a lot of hardship so I decided against it. I will be just as happy watching from home. If Kentucky winds which they will and Perdue wins which they should I may go Saturday. It’s just not time yet for today.

The other bit of news is I met a woman online who is blind and has a Labrador as a guide dog. We’ve been talking a lot online so anyway she is coming in to town today. We will see how that goes. I warned her about my addictive sports habits, and she was fine. She is in to a lot of outdoor activities so I’m looking forward to maybe doing some of that with her. She really enjoys hiking and other shit like that. I broke my no cursing rule, but I am sleep depribed. I’m scared of the non24 side affects it causes liver damage not that the beer doesn’t but hey. I decided to try and just order some melatonin from amazon and see if that helps. It will be here Tomorrow. This post really isn’t that informative but I wanted to get something out there since the block tourney-year-old. Have a great day and happy madness. 

I don’t really know what happened today

This should probably remind you a little bit of the older posts. let me just start with the current and then I’ll work my way backwards. I was supposed to have a date, but about 30 minutes before I went I texted her to see what she was doing and to make sure everything is still good. What we had a little conversation and lo and behold I ended up not going. she said at one point and her text message that she wasn’t comfortable going out with someone who couldn’t make eye contact with her. my exact response was well nothings changed since the first time I met you so I still can’t make eye contact After that I just stopped responding. I ordered a pizza and demolished it and now I feel sick.

Today I met a very nice Lyft Driver while I was picking up Robin from Petsmart. Her bath went well. I used our para transit system to get there and then Lyft to get home so I didn’t have to stand around so long. I apparently standing around wait too long though because five people asked me if I had a ride and I said yes. I thought it was nice of people to care though. So anyway I get into the ride and I wasn’t sure how it was going to go you never know with the dog. His name is Tim from South Carolina and he asked me how I became blind so I told him about my cancer. then he said I was positive and proceeded to tell me that while I was getting into the car about five people gathered behind me open mouth amazed that I was getting into a car. I told him my view on that where it’s either I’m Superman or handicapped there’s not much in between I still go by that. If you miss those discussions check the earlier writings. I think there are very few people who break down the barriers. I read an article earlier this week about touchscreen devices where the author of the article did no research and her first paragraph this was on the wire by the way and her first paragraph she states one sector of the population Who are left out in the cold from using touchscreens are the blind. I know I use dictation a lot but it’s because I’m lazy I could type on the touchscreen and I use them every day. furthermore if she would actually pole blind people or have asked one person rather than probably depending on the sighted person she referenced in the article she would’ve found that a high percentage of blind people use a touchscreen device. Anyway I just thought it was interesting he noticed how people stood around Gawking.

Earlier today I posted a Facebook article about parents having to provide their children’s passwords to the schools and Illinois. at first I was pretty upset by this, and I just pondered where our freedoms went? then I went to the gun range and had a moment of clarity. literally there sometimes I have brilliance and I go on rants and get worked up and then I wonder why what is it for? initially I was on the side of the parents and wonder why this was happening? Then it came to me so quickly it was shocking. Who gets blamed more than anything in the case of bowling or any issues that don’t happen in the home? That simple the school. when someone gets bullied and you watch the news I guarantee you 95% of the time it falls back on to the school. not the asshole child or the parents home situation nothing else gets brought up but how the teachers or someone at school neglected the situation. so my final thought on this is you get what you deserve parents if you’re going to blame the school don’t bitch when they start impeding on freedom. I don’t have kids so it doesn’t fucking matter to me. hahaha my final thought on the whole issue is freedom is really A disguise we like to pretend we still have. I’ve been listening to this podcast called criminal where this guy was jailed for three months because he appeared on a video tape they had and a sex offender case. i’m not going to be good at explaining the case so you may want to listen because I probably won’t do it justice but in a nutshell. The guy they arrested the innocent one met a girl online who is the sex offenders wife he had videotaped rolling in his house police seized the videotapes finding this guy they posted his picture on the news thinking he was guilty of the crimes. The guy lost his job spent three months in jail and says that people still acted nervous around him. yet we’re supposed to be innocent until proven guilty you could go more high-profile if you wanted and find similar cases but really the freedoms we have sometimes our a disguise. Even when you pay the time for a crime it’s often not forgotten or wiped off your record just my thoughts for the day. I had a lot of clarity shooting that gun didn’t I?

When I dropped off Robin and came home for a second I realized how lonely I am without her. I kept stepping on the pig and she didn’t come, or when we were driving to the gun range I kept looking on the floor for her and just felt my cane. I used to think that after she retired I would just be able to move on to the next dog, but I’m not sure anymore. I started reflecting on how much of my life she’s been part of and it was crazy. She’s been here for Ethan’s wedding baseball games, movies, jobs, football games, basketball games, my ups and downs, and just everywhere I’ve been. It’s crazy when you think about it I think of her as like a daughter it’s different than a pet. most people don’t take their pet on a plane to Arizona navigate their bus system get lost for a little while find your way those stories just aren’t there but Robin’s part of everyone for me. And the last hour I’ve been reflecting on that it’s been a little somber tonight.

Having trouble sleeping tennis might be the best blind man’s porn

So lately I’ve been having trouble sleeping I’ve been having a reoccurring dream and I wake up thinking someone is breaking into my house and then I can’t get back to sleep. Robin has been really sweet the last few nights when this happens she comes in and lays beside me which usually helps, but today it did not. so I opened up my radio app on my iPhone and pulled up the Australian open. I fell asleep pretty fast, and woke up to women’s tennis. Maria i’ll butcher her last name but you’ll know who I’m talking about if you Google was playing. No tennis is a game that requires site I would believe I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of a blind tennis league but I would be down to try that being said why do you have to have an orgasm every time you hit the ball? I could understand if you have to run across the court and connect but every time? if the Australian guy wasn’t talking it would’ve been softcore porn. even with him talking I could’ve made believe I was in the outback. Tomorrow it is confirmed I’m taking Robin to get a bath and I’m going to shoot guns so I’m sure I’ll have something event full on Monday. I also have a first date tomorrow night so we’ll see. Honestly I don’t know why I keep trying you think I’d learn a lesson from the past relationships failing that maybe I’m just not good at it or I’m interested in the wrong people but part of me still believe love can exist so I guess we’ll see.

Holiday party fight it’s not worth it

So on Friday night the girl I’ve been hanging out with for a little while invited me to a holiday get together. She had some of her coworkers and friends there. I knew no one! so I found a conversation where people were talking about sports so I thought hey this will work for me. I have my in. so I made a comment and a guy said what would you know you can’t see it? now I have never really gotten into too many altercations, but I nearly punch this guy but I restrained and said go fuck yourself probably again not the best choice of words but I didn’t hit him. I think the only time I ever really gotten to a close altercation would’ve been with Lance in the seventh grade when we were teasing another kid. Anyway word got back to her what happen so on Saturday she call me after the Chapelle show. She asked me what happened so I told her my side and she said that I shouldn’t behave like that. I said well imagine if you were in a room full of guys and you made a comment and they said well you’re a woman what do you know how would you feel? that did not prove anything or explain or show her anything on how I felt. I think it may have agitated her actually. she started cussing at me and I said why are you yelling? And finally she said I don’t want to see you anymore. that my friends is why demolished a whole cheesecake on Sunday was pretty damn good.

Thanksgiving, Kentucky Louisville game, and a few other thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families! The holidays since I’ve moved to Kentucky have been a little weird because I have to work the day before and day after usually so I haven’t really been able to go home on the actual holiday since I’ve moved. Last Christmas eve I worked in Lexington on the radio and watched home alone. you know is crazy about that day is I just wanted some damn Papa John’s on Christmas and I thought I could obtain that goal but I could not so I sat at home alone and ate some shitty TV dinner. I’m independent though so I guess that’s something. haha

Today I’m going downtown and eating at a restaurant with my friend Leslie and her children. I’m looking forward to but I’m nervous about the fact it’s a buffet. I think I’ve written about them before whenever I have to go outside my comfort zone anymore especially I really don’t like that. Buffets present this challenge to me that I just don’t like. I’m trying to work through it so I’m sure it will be fun. I’m excited to meet her family.

Saturday I’m going to the Kentucky Louisville game and I was speaking to Taylor and I said I might wear my Louisville had a Kentucky shirt. In my last post I said I root for Louisville more which is true I just really want the state to do well either way but I will be rooting for Louisville. This lad Taylor to say things like this just proves you can’t commit to someone. So I like the game of football and basketball and just because I have clothing from both teams means I have commitment issues? In my life I’ve made a lot of mistakes I’ve allowed jealousy to ruin a great relationship and friendship and I’ve learned from that. I don’t really know why things happen the way they do, but I feel you have to grow from every experience. i’ve never cheated on anyone because I know how that feels and I wouldn’t do that. However that being said I’ve stumbled upon something recently that I’m working on or trying to work through I guess. I’m not sure I really like myself or that I love myself if that makes sense? I don’t know there’s a lot of reasons things I don’t want to get into right now but I’m just trying to get to a point where I feel okay. I feel like things I phot to not become I’ve become. Recently I’ve become agitated with my blindness and I feel a little bitter which I’ve never wanted it just sort of has happened. I think when I first started this blog I wrote I used to think one day with my blindness I would just completely understand everything but I don’t think that’s the case probably because of society pressures culture and other factors you always will be dealing with something related to it.

I think she read this blog but whatever it hasn’t stop me from saying something before. lol The other night Taylor asked me if I would like to date again and I’m torn. The last time she broke up with me to go back out with an ex-boyfriend and that did not work out. I promise you since I’ve bought my house I’ve really not hung out with any women at all I get in this routine when I come home fall sleep on the couch going to work and do the same routine again. Occasionally I will have a bourbon or beer. I’ve been reading a lot and reminiscing on old memories and I’m not sure if I really want a relationship at this point. I don’t know really where the silver lining will be I’m sure I will find it in a weird way lately it’s with Kentucky sports radio and my Sonos. oh and Olivia Munn. I saw her on the newsroom recently and wow. you’re probably asking yourself what it is or how I can find someone attractive without seeing them and I don’t really know it’s just the way she carries herself I guess. I was working with the show a year ago well not really a year ago I guess like eight months ago and my whole goal was for them to be more fan friendly and they just never got it. If you can make haters listen to your show you have it going on. some people just don’t get that. anyway sorry I got off point. well I lost it so I guess I’ll save it for another day. I will write about my buffet experience the game maybe a party I’m going to tomorrow night so if I’m not into much pain on Sunday expect a post. I’m hoping to throw some darts this weekend I was talking about it with someone at work recently I love that game I’ve already lost my eyes so whatever. cheap blind joke ring the bell. Have a happy Thanksgiving and stay safe.