This is what I get for trying to podcast.

This weekend has been a bit of a headache somewhat for me. I was going to go to Detroit to a Tigers game, but I decided I just want to be home. My little brother Josh is going to come down and spend the night Friday with me. He tried committing suicide in January, because he is blind and was being bullied in school. He’s gone through a lot of therapy, and his parents feel its okay for him to get away. I met his parents at a meeting for the blind, and they wanted someone for their son to look up to for guidance. I’ve not done well so far. A lot of what he struggles with I still struggle with. I’d like to tell him eventually things will get easier, but I’m not there personally yet. I think in life no matter what your circumstances you’ll have something you struggle with some of us have more than others it’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

I plan to remain upbeat with him, and take him around the city so he can see some new things. He is not a big sports fan, but he loves music so I have been googling a few ideas. Sports has been my release that and radio. Early on I’d spill a lot of my thoughts on to the radio, because I wanted to be truthful. I never bought in to the cheery happy guy you often hear I would just bring me to the microphone every day.

I was recording a podcast last night in my living room with an IPhone and microphone, and I realized something about myself. If I had only been more patient when it came to a few things in my life how things may have been different. Were never too old to change if you recognize a problem. Rather than take what I have I usually try and want more. Radio has been a huge example of this. I had a good gig going, but rather than take the fact shows would use things I wrote for them and never credit me and move on with it I quit. Now I can’t work for any rival company for another 6 months. A handy little clause written in to my last contract I signed. I’ve also struggled with patients in relationships and I’m sorry for those I’ve affected.

I don’t think greed motivated me it more just wanted to get to a point where I felt like I accomplished something. When you’re blind for me anyway I’ve always wanted to get to a point where I wouldn’t be blind to certain people. I realized a few years ago that was an unreachable goal. It’s hard for me to find happiness after realizing that. I have been talking to a good friend I met in radio Opie lately, and I thank him for all the advice and time he’s spent lately. I don’t exactly know what I’ve figured out yet, but I need to change myself a lot and figure out my goals. I also used to think one day I’d just accept my blindness and move on. When I was a kid it never was an issue, but around the time puberty hit people’s perceptions changed. I wasn’t the kid people played tetherball or basketball with I was different from them. At the time I never really saw this, it was Josh all most dying that made me open up my past I guess trying to help him that made me discover this. I went to public school, and I don’t regret that but I see some of my other friends who went to a blind school and I wonder if it would have helped me be a bit healthier in certain aspects? I’m happy the blind school took Josh in, and he will be given an opportunity there to start over.

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