A bit about dating depression and life

Yesterday was the NCAA men’s finals I did not catch any of it. This struck me as a little weird because I’m a huge sports fan and I don’t think I’ve ever missed an NCAA finals game before. I’ve been going through a little depression lately and haven’t really spoke about it. A few weeks ago I went on a date a second date as a matter fact, and afterwords when she was bringing me home she said she had to use the bathroom so I allowed her to come into my apartment. She was here for about 15 to 20 minutes and I ended up going through some hell. The next morning after she had gone I realized my Bose headphones and Bluetooth speaker were missing. I looked all over for them but couldn’t see them. I have a one bedroom apartment and is only a few places I would put things. I texted her and she did not respond. Around 9 o’clock I texted her and said if she did not respond I would call the police still no response.

Finally the next morning the police called me and said they had my stuff. She also stole a autograph baseball which I didn’t realize until later. My friend Pat agreed to pick up the items for me since he set us up. I definitely do not want her back at my house or around me at all. My stuff still works it doesn’t look like it took any abuse I was just relieved to have it back.

Over the weekend I went to the final four women’s tournament where I ran into a woman who I have had history with. We ended up going to lunch which was really great and we had a in-depth conversation. I’ve talked to her on the phone a few times but it was great seeing her in person I think because she gave me some ideas that I am going to use. We will just remain friends but I am thankful for that because she is very smart and helpful her being in my life I think will be a good thing. I will mention her name because it’s not important and doesn’t need to be said in a public forum but the game of basketball is very lucky to have her and she will lead the women’s game to new heights. Anyway before she drop me off at the Greyhound station to come home she said something to me that was very interesting. She told me that she is reading my blog as well as watching my posts on Facebook. She said while I put myself out there a lot emotionally and share my feelings, but I hold the best part of me back. I can explain more about that but I will leave it alone. I think overall with relationships i’ve overlooked through the years people that would’ve been good fits because maybe I’m scared of commitment, failure, or just wasn’t attracted to that type at the time. Talking to my friend over the weekend I realized that maybe I do fend off people that are attracted to me for some reason and 10 to try for people way out of my league. Also dating sighted people has been a challenge because I’m never viewed as an equal for some reason. I can provide for her help I could probably even buy her a car or a house but a lot of times women come in and want to be your mom or never quite treat you equally. Lexi may have been the first to do so. My girlfriend Taylor as well did a pretty good job at treating me equally but it’s not the norm.

It’s easy for someone to look on the outside and say I have a lot to offer someone but to find someone who will except that is a different story. With the New Orleans girl I was talking about earlier that’s what I will call her because that’s where we first met we met after a basketball game and spent the night together. We went out drinking because they have lost so she wanted to vent about the season, and then we went back to her hotel. I was pretty new and radio and it was really my first trip, so this was definitely new to me. You can probably figure out what happened next, so I won’t paint those details I’m not really about that. In the morning we talked about possibly having a relationship but with her going on to do bigger things in me and Louisville distance would definitely have been an issue. We decided to remain friends and text each other a few times the following months. When I saw her over the weekend I realized I would add her to the things that went pretty well list, because hanging out with her I don’t really feel like she views me as being blind. We’ve never really spent that much time in person together, but she is kind of a leader anyway and I feel like that type of personality is rare to find. Finishing off where I was going to go with this thought doing radio I’ve gotten to go to a lot of places but at times it’s been kind of lonely. It’s cool to go to different cities and view different games, but sometimes I would like to have someone to share with or call home too.

Anyway New Orleans girl said to me after telling her about a girl in my life why don’t I ask her out? After I laid out all of the excuses that I had she saw right through it and said if you never give love a chance how can it form? A girl here has been pursuing me for a while but I kind of ignored it and I really don’t know the reasons. I have a few negatives but overall I never gave it a chance or much of a thought. With all the crazy things that of been happening lately I would just like to have something safe, and she would definitely provide that. On Friday I’m going to lay it out like that and just tell her my feelings and be honest. I don’t think she reads this blog, but if she does h oh well. Haha with my life traveling around and staying busy I’ve neglected part of me that needs to feel some normalcy. I kind a ranted and this post, but over the next few years or however long I continue this I hope that you’ll learn about struggles blind people have in life. I will provide funny stories, because there are a lot of them but I also want you to see the difficult things we go through as well. Dating and employment are the two hardest ones.

Okay I vented I missed the stupid tournament game and I’m a little sleepy now so it’s back to bed for now. On a positive I gave Robin a massage today and she fell asleep right next to me. Usually about once a week I try to give her a little time, so I plan something like massage or extra playtime something to make her feel special. When I first got her from the Seeing Eye she’s delay is far away from me as she could today before the massage we actually wrestled around a little bit which was something she never liked to do. Her puppy raiser was an older person and I don’t think they played with her a whole lot. She likes to play catch and tug-of-war sometimes. Tonight though I kept pushing on her and finally she put her paws around me and we rolled around and wrestled a little bit. She didn’t bite which is good I don’t want to encourage that at all. It was great and I realized that our bond is something unique. I will probably feel this bond with any dog I get in the future hopefully, but it is definitely a special thing that is hard to put into words. This weekend navigating the airport city streets and the arena the communication we have between the two of us is amazing.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s