Monthly Archives: May 2015

Where’s my wallet?

Today I had two blind moments I haven’t had in a while. Especially the first one. I haven’t felt well all day today maybe it’s the cloudy weather or something so for dinner I decided to make soup. I thought I organized my soups so I knew what was where. Before the Iphone life really was a free for all I had no system in place to determine what soup was what. Barcode scanners were around but to get one that was voice active cost 1200, and I never felt it was worth it. When the iPhone came out and a barscanner cost 30 I jumped at it. Anyway I thought I was grabbing a tomato soup but it turned out when I opened it it was new England clam chowder! As soon as I opened the can I knew I picked wrong and my tomato soup dreams would have to wait. It just reminded me how far technology has come. Older blind people used to give me advice like separate them while at the checkout, but I just never found time to do things like that. I was managing my cane catching the bus and of course paying I just didn’t feel like asking a store clerk to bag things smaller. Not to mention taking things home on the bus was difficult I wanted as few of bags as possible. So tonight I relived my college days it’s a great reminder.
The second thing happens more than I’d like. I put my wallet on the table when I got home from playing the guitar downtown today. I was looking for it later on and couldn’t find it. I started brushing the counter and going over the entire table. Literally when I pulled out my chair to eat my soup I sat on it. I spent a good 8 minutes searching, and when I didn’t want the damn thing anymore I sit on it. I haven’t been posting many blind observations lately, so I thought those who like those would enjoy.


Memorial day weekend

It’s the weekend, and man do I love these 3 days off. I can’t believe today is the last one. Right now I am sitting on my porch listening to crickets and feeling the breeze. I’m debating turning on the air. Back when I lived in Muncie and I caught a guy breaking in to my apartment I am really uneasy about leaving windows open while I sleep. My neighborhood is pretty good, but I just can’t get to sleep and since it’s 80 in my house with the windows closed no thank you. Another quick observation is why after you clean the toilet do you have to use it? I swear while I was cleaning it I was great the moment I finished I had to use it.
I did not go to LA this weekend like I was thinking. When I was buying the plane ticket it came out to about 900 dollars, and I decided I could put that in to my emergency money fund instead. That sounded better so I just stayed home. I went to Jerry and Lees Saturday for a get together and that was fun. Lee made me a pork chop fan. I’ve never been a big pork fan for some reason, but she’s grilled them twice and each time I’ve enjoyed them. I’m not in to steak either, but I do love burgers. We walked up to Arby’s and got a shake after dinner, and then took Robin out back and tossed the toy. She’s not dealing with the heat that well already I’ll have to keep watching her with that. I carry a traveling waterbowl on me so we should be fine, but if it gets real hot this summer I may just stay out of it with her as much as we can. When we got home she took her ball back outside, so I played with her a bit. She then laid down in the grass and I rubbed her belly and had some bonding time.
Today I was reminded it was the Indy 500. I was lucky to go to 2 of them. One as a fan when I went with the Meyer’s family, and one when I was working in radio for coverage. I’ve blogged about the 500 with Collin that was an adventure haha. It made me miss them though I haven’t seen them for like 7 years. In college they were all like a second family to me. After Ethan passed I think of things like this more often. That weekend I went to the 500 with Collin the Friday before I went to Carb Day with Ethan. It really should be named drink and look at cars day. This is back before I had Robin, so I had no responsibilities. When I got Robin she of course replaced my cane, and became my eyes she also gave me responsibility. It’s probably the same as having a kid maybe? I don’t know. Covering the 500 was okay but a long day, because after the race I had to go take notes at the Pacers Heat game. That was a long ass day.
Today actually kind of was a surprise. I’m still on Sunday sorry. Anyway my old radio program director was in town. He swung by around 5:30 this morning, and we went out and went fishing. Basically what I did was buy some bate and just loose it in the lake, but some could call it fishing. I’m not a good fisherman, but I like to go be on the water. Robin hates me during this entire trip. She had some water drama when she was a puppy, so it’s difficult for her to be near it. When I got her the puppy raisers warned me that they had to rescue her from falling through some ice as a puppy, so I think that made her afraid of lakes and such. I really do try to keep her away from that, but I didn’t want to leave her for a few hours at home alone. She did okay she just shivered against my leg, but I brought her treats to try and ease the pain.
Jack and I were talking about blind people problems and how sighted people have a hard time comprehending us. After we finished fishing, and caught nothing to eat I told him I’d provide dinner. He laughed, and said see blind people can provide food. I miss working with him back then though my life was so crazy not what it is now. By crazy I don’t mean like partying I mean like working all the damn time. I would do my normal gig 9-530, come home and sleep for a few hours then go to work in Indiana from 1-5. I was happy, because I was doing what I loved, but I didn’t have any time like tonight where I could just sit back and be amazed by the little things like nature. That’s something I am doing as I get older is I’m just stopping and noticing what’s around me. Just listening to the crickets like I said earlier. When Jack and I were fishing earlier I just stopped and listened to the birds, and felt the joy of of the beauty of the surroundings. That’s something I wouldn’t have said 10 years ago. Putting worms in the lake is therapeutic I guess.
After I got home I just cleaned a lot, because I’ve been avoiding that. I did a little house work, and some reporting to Sonos about the beta I’m using. I wanted to share one more idea. I’ve been on the fence about the Apple watch I really want one, but I just haven’t given in to my urge yet. Reading the blog you guys know how creative I am when it comes to romance I try to go above and beyond for some reason even though I’ve had the worst dating history. Anyway one thing I can’t figure out with the apple watch is you can send someone your heart rate. Yes you read that right. I don’t know why anyone would want to send there heart rate to someone else, but I started thinking. After your first date you could send your heart rate to her, and say you have my heart beating like boom boom that super base. On that note I will stop writing. Enjoy your memorial day!

Robin ate a hotdog

On Friday I called a Lyft to go home from Matt and Amanda’s house. I got in the car, and the driver asked me how I became blind and how long? Her response after I told her annoyed me, but it’s the normal. I told her I had cancer when I was a year old, and they had to remove my eye to keep it from spreading to my brain. She says I’m sorry. Then she gasps, and I asked her what? She said I looked back in the mirror at you, and I was nervous you wouldn’t have any eyes. Really? I just don’t understand the responses people give me just because I can’t see. I am still amazed sometimes. I talked to my friend Denny on Saturday, and he gets the sorry thing a lot too, and he said why do they say sorry? Were they the ones who caused it? I thought that was a funny response, but true. I used to love to talk to Ethan about that he always would listen and would just get it. I feel like there a hand full of people that do, and then there’s everyone else. Truthfully I’m doing better than at least 40% of people that can see, but regardless it’s just different. You just have to stay positive though that’s all we can do. One thing that always bugged me was I was interviewing for a radio gig in Lexington with the baseball team. The guy during my interview asked me what a blind person could bring to the broadcast? My resume was packed full of people in the Tigers organization who said great things, an audition tape, and I even did some live play by play of a game on the television. I just felt 

Saturday was a weird day. I stopped drinking Mountain Dew again my one real addiction. I’ve drank it since I was 4, so it is really a problem. I’ve been working out, and trying to cut out pop. It’s now Monday and I have a huge headache, but I am pushing on. I did give in and get a coak today, or it wouldn’t have been pretty. I just watched movies and slept. I watched Flight, Homeword Bound, and Old Yeller.


Sunday I went to the Reds game. I caught a Gray Hound bus to Cincinnati, and saw one of the best games I’ve seen live yet. I thought the Reds were going to win, but they choked as usual. I caught the bus home and got home around 8:30. I got a little wet, but it was kind of refreshing. Robin didn’t likethe rain at all.


Facebook has this day in history, so today I posted a post I wrote a year ago about a sign that said blind child in area. It made me laugh. I was dating Erica then, and rereading that brought back memories I hadn’t really thought about in a while. For a long time I thought we were going to work out lol was I wrong.


Last night I took Juan a boy I met a last weeks adventure to the Bats game. He is 5, and I thought his mom was coming, but she met me at the gate and said have fun. I’ve not had a lot of experience with kids, but I just used my head. I made him take my hand, so I didn’t lose him that was first and foremost. We got to are seats, and I got him a hotdog. Well Robin got that one I didn’t realize or really think that kids might have a hard time eating something like that. He started to cry, so quickly I gave him mine. I held the end of it so we didn’t have another dog on the ground. Man Robin pounced on the one that fell I never feed her table scraps so I’m sure she was in heaven for the 3 seconds she chewed on it. He really enjoyed the game he has been doing surgery for the last two months, and said he hasn’t really gotten to go out and play or do normal things. He was really smart, and I hoping for the best for him. I gave him my phone number so maybe we can go to dinner or go to the zoo or anything he wants to do I said he could come with me. We talked a lot about Ninja Turtles those were his favorite. I didn’t know they remade that until I got home and researched things. I used to watch that show when I was like 5 or 6, but now they’ve remade it like everything else. I took a bus with him again holding his hand to make sure nothing happened and returned him to his mom. I then caught a Lyft home and fell asleep pretty quickly.


Memorial day has become this real challenging thing for me. I have wanted to go to LA forever and that is still there, I could go home, or Niel is going river rafting and camping so I could do that. My final option is I could just stay at my house. I really need to decide, but I just can’t for some reason. I am thinking about going to LA, because it would really boost my confidence. After being mugged a few years ago I haven’t taken to many trips on my own. We’ll see I will blog about whatever on Monday night.



A few thoughts on blindness cancer and the Ronald McDonald house

It’s been awhile since I’ve talked about the reason I’m blind. When I was a year old I was diagnosed with a cancer of the eye called Retnal Blastoma. Which after hearing the other names of eye diseases if I must say Blastoma sounds kind of spacey oriented. Pigmatosa or however you spell that just sounds horrible. Usually rental blastoma only takes one eye, but mine was caught late, so it took both. My mom and dad noticed me crawling in to walls or not looking at my food before I ate it, and decided to take me to Fort Wayne for a doctor to look at it. They were then sent on to Riley Children’s Hospital where I was the seventy fifth case in Indiana.
The doctors for the most part wanted to just use me for studies, and thought there wasn’t much chance to save my life. One doctor in particular said lets remove them, and try. They did and I made it. For the next 8 years of my life every 6 months I had to go to Indy for check ups. I remember the long ass drives to Indy when your a kid those things stick out. I felt like I spent more time there than most places. My childhood was really normal I climbed trees, chased goats around and tried to ride them like horses, played a ton of basketball. Being from Indiana that’s a requirement. I’ve often said I don’t remember being blind as being a problem until around puberty. Which is interesting. Maybe it’s the innocents of bing a kid I’m really not sure. That may have been a question as well, but I’m tired so forgive me we will just pretend it’s retorical.
When I first went to Riley my dad was farming pretty much full-time, and my mom might have been at the bank still, but was mainly a stay at home mom for the first few years of my life. They stayed  at the Ronald McDonald house while  I was going to my cancer treatment and they said that it was a really great place. They had enough worries not to have to worry about how they could afford a hotel on top of things. I’ve always been grateful for things that happened back then.
For being blind I’ve gone back and forth on emotions. I used to think one day I’d just get it, and I’d be 100% fine. I think being blind is for me easy most of the times. On a windy day, and I have a headache it’s a bit challenging to focus clearly. At work I hear a screen reader talking all day, and then people on the other side, so sometimes at night I come home and need a few minutes without noise. I used to think I could work really hard and make people understand I’m just like them I just can’t see. I’ve given up on that thought awhile ago. I think blindness is something most can’t get unless they’re faced with it. I wrote something a few years ago I liked, so I will share it now about cancer.
The myth is about cancer is that somehow you beat it, and life is magically better. the reality is usually cancer takes something from you, and then your hopefully left to deal with the aftermath. For example when people look at me I survived cancer, but they offen don’t even know that or would even focus on that they focus on the fact I’m blind. I can’t hide that it sticks out anywhere I go. A job interview it’s there. I’d love to be able to hide it when possible but Robin just won’t disappear for those interviews. Maybe I have a different perspective I haven’t really talked to a lot of survivors, so this is just my longwinded thoughts. I imagine anyone who survives breast cancer or something along those lines are still left with the scars. My thoughts on cancer really is yes you can win, but it leaves it’s marks.
That’s a little peace I found I wrote from a few years ago. Blind people are like anyone else we all are on are own levels, and we all have a different skill set. Like I said earlier I’ve gon through a lot of different struggles. My teen years I was probably depressed living in the country and I couldn’t drive like my friends. My friend/brother Brandon or Sean would pick me up a lot, but it wasn’t the same of having that freedom. I think right now I’m probably the healthiest I’ve been, because I realize the  positives and negatives. Look being blind I’m truly an individual you can stand out easier if your upbeat. You can only play the cards you were delt and just move on. I think rather than being down and sad about things that aren’t going to change is pointless move on and make a difference. I think I will still struggle at times with not being able to see. I think a lot at nights when I can’t see the sky or stars that part kind of blows. I’ve never been married, but I feel a little weird about not being able to see my wife walking down the isle. I don’t know why that sticks out so much, but it does. I think it’s because in that moment your focusing on one beautiful woman coming to join you I jus think somewhere I’d be a bit sad but who knows. I think maybe just feeling  her in her dress before hand might fix that but it’s something I’ve thought about over the years. I think in a weird way rather than face that I’ve pushed people away somewhat afraid to face that. Again did I mention I feel pretty healthy right now? You never stop learning in life, and you hopefully grow from mistakes if not you may want to start there. Haha that’s my advice.
Anyway christ that was long. Tonight I went to the Ronald McDonald house which is something I’ve been working on for awhile. I took some Derby pie that I got from a great place, and I worked with a catering company for the food so it was homemade Look I can cook certain things like burgers and crab legs but honestly I’m not the best at it. I make some mean  Ramen noodles. Anyway my crab legs are amazing. Being blind doesn’t hamper me being able to cook it’s mainly laziness, and cooking for one sucks honestly. Why do I want leftovers? Anyway Everything came together very nicely. I also let Robin off work for a few people to play with. They loved it so did she. When we got home she was wound up and wanted to play ball a little more than normal. For a Bachelor I thought everything went off well! At first I was a little nervous, because the people I was working with hadn’t really ever interacted with a blind person, but thats pretty normal for me to work with these days. After a brief description of myself and explaining why I wanted to get involved it was fine. I met a little boy who I am going to try to take to a Bats game. No one likes to go to the Bats games with me my friends mainly hate baseball, so I usually go by myself because it’s my therapy. Also I realize how long the Reds are going to suck and that makes me smile somewhere inside if it were only the Cardinals instead. I can stomach Cincinnati but St. Louis just rubs me the wrong way being a Cubs fan. Anyway he knew a lot about the game, and so I will check with my Bats contact to see if we can make something happen. I asked him if he’d ever gone to a game and had a stadium hotdog? He said no, so we’ll have to change that. Again I don’t know why I feel this way, but nothings better than ballpark hotdogs. Milwaukee has sausages that are out of this world good literally. If I had to pick my favorite park for a hotdog it would be Miller hands down. 

A quick Robin story and travel

So a quick story on Robin. Yesterday I left her while I took a quick bus trip to see a friend for the afternoon. I left Robin with my friends Jerry and Lee. When I got back to there house Lee told me Robin must only like blind guys. She tossed a toy outside and Robin would just look at it, so she had to go pick it up herself. When Jerry would toss the toy Robin would go get it and bring it back to him. Lee can see I forgot to mention that part earlier. I just laughed about that. I am glad I left her the bus was so full. She is getting older, and I notice its harder for her to get small like she used to do.
Last night I locked myself out, because I left my house at 4:45 am and just wasn’t thinking clearly. I realized I left my keys at my house when I got to Indianapolis. I was so angry with myself, but I was like I am going to block it out until I get back, and just deal with it when I get home. The locksmith couldn’t get in to my lock, but we finally managed to get in a window. That saved me money, but I made a copy of my key to give to Jerry soon, so at least if I make the mistake again they’ll have it. When I was living in Indiana Robin scratched my shoulder waking me up and it was weird watching someone break in like that. I am glad I have a gun by the bed just in case. I bet in the dark we will be an equal shot so let that be a warning.
Today Pilot Niel and I flew up to Pittsburgh, and watched the pirates Cardinals game. He actually bought a new plane, and wanted to show it to me. Robin had her own seat she could stretch out on, but I think she stayed on the floor behind us. I wish he and his wife still lived here because I miss are random baseball trips. We were joking with each other today he told me I have to step up my game, because he found a guy in a wheelchair that makes him laugh, but I still win because the plane doesn’t have a ramp. It was hot today at the game, and Robin panted a lot I was sure to keep water on me, but I just notice some differences in her this year. Some lady came up to me and said she was beautiful, and that she had a miniature wiener dog. First off how can you say that with out smiling? I bet they have a complex like those damn Terriers. Neil is going to hang out here a few days which is cool before he heads back home. Robin is on my feet now wanting some attention. I am going to go to bed, because this weekend I didn’t get much sleep at all, so I am tired. Using the cane Saturday I realized how poor my cane skills have become. With the dog she just takes me through doors or to a door something I hadn’t thought about in a while. I did okay no bruises but maybe I need to go out with it a little more just in case. Robin did give me the third degree when I got back to Lee and Jerry’s she licked my hand smelled my legs and ran circles in the same motion.

The more bourbon I drink the more I love Kentucky so Facebook told me

Okay without any further delay here is my Kentucky Derby 141 weekend in a nutshell. Friday I did some house work going outside and removing the vents on my crawlspace, and then getting in the crawlspace and exploring. I sent in Robin first to scout things out for me, I’m just glad she didn’t poop in there that would have been horrible. I just wasn’t sure if anything was nesting from the winter down there. It was all clear.
I met Amanda, Matt, and Natalie for lunch at fourth Street live at Friday’s. I left before everyone else, and took a Lyft back to my house. When I walked out of Fridays I was passing another bar and a guy said theres a blind guy. I all most said really? Where? It’s just weird when you hear things like that.
Quick joke what causes Kentucky from falling in to tennessee? Indiana sucks!
I am from Indiana, but I digress. Saturday I friend Kevin came over around 10 with McDonald’s and we watch the first two races of the Kentucky Derby. We then went to Kroger and bought some derby pie my new favorite by the way I had 3 pieces such goodness! We went to my friends Matt and Amanda’s house for a party. My friend Butch had twin spires up placing bets which is pretty cool. I then had a drink Kevin made  that I called Bourbanaide. Now I had 5 beers right when I got to Matts then changed to Bourbon that was a horrible idea. I should know myself by now. I may have been a bit of an asshole, so I am sorry to anyone I may have been a bit mean to. Furthermore apparently I gave a lot of hugs to Bill I’m not that sorry for that your a total package Bill Brandy is lucky. hahaha
I fell asleep a half hour before we came home. They woke me up and I just remember becoming alert in the car wondering where Robin and my phone were. I found both. I got home, and called a few people then Pilot Niel came by after his winnings from the track. We watched the fight on the net for free, and then we joked around. I apparently was digging that body song by Tove Lo, because I bought tickets to her show in Tennessee somewhere. I am still trying to get my money back, but I might just have to go to that one.
I was ready to give you a rundown on my girlfriend situation which there is no situation, but then something happened tonight. I’ll just say this I really just want to find a person that I can make laugh and share memories with. I am tired of finding these disasters, and I’m hopefully going to be able to say I love you and hear it back and have it be meant down the line. That’ll probably be later than sooner.
Finally turning my attention to memorial day weekend I think I’m going to try to challenge myself in a new way. Robin is getting older, and I think there’s one more thing I want to do with her, because were a great team. I talked to pilot Niel about it, and he isn’t sure, so if he is out I’ll do it alone. That is get to a Dodgers game. It’s either now or 4th of July. You’ll know I will blog my entire trip. I know with my GPS and my ears, and of course the best ship I could ask for as eyes Robin the captain will succeed. I’ve been studying up on my knowledge of LA, but if I do it it’ll all be on the fly, or mostly. I just have this dream of sitting listening to Vin on my radio from the bleachers or seats whatever i can get.
Sunday was a rough day just drank the Ohio river down about 10 inches, but I feel fine now. Next year going to take it lighter on the bourban.