Honestly forlike the last month I haven’t really been myself. I get up go to work come home fall asleep repeat. I’ve been going to a therapist the last few weeks to try to MoveOn. i’ve always dreamed of doing radio and being off the last six months has actually been kind of nice. actually being home on the weekends is kind of a new thing. However it’s weird not having that travel to look forward to.
When you’re young dreams fly in your head a lot about what you want to do when you grow up. when you actually grow up sometimes dreams die and you just try and put food on the table that is reality. I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately like why are we here? what is the purpose? My whole goal is to try and show people that the blind people are just like anyone else, but when I’m reminded how people actually see us it feels defeating. I think with life it’s easy to get lost down a dark road, because and fortunately things aren’t always black-and-white. It’s amazing to me with social media how lost you can become with people you once knew. A few times in the last month I’ve been kicked by people that I know. I always heard people try to tear you down when you’re up, but it seems people try to tear you down when you’re down as well. Like I said when Ethan died there are a handful of people in your life that you really can depend on everyone else is just sort of there. People trying to kid themselves by having thousands of Facebook friends, but to me that’s pretty retarded.
I’ve been pretty sick the last week, but I’m starting to feel better. Last night was beautiful I took Robin and let her run in the yard and I ended up falling asleep in my chair outside for a few hours. That’s been pretty enjoyable for me the last month is allowing Robin some freedom that she’s never really had since I’ve had her. I always felt sad for her living in an apartment because she couldn’t run. she definitely has slowed down some this year, but she still pretty active. when it’s hot I don’t pusher like maybe I once would’ve. unless I have to be out there I don’t. in years past I would’ve taken a walk just to walk in the 90° weather. That being said this morning Robin and I explore the neighborhood a little bit. Pretty much when I first got her GPS was just coming out handheld for us. i’ve always loved just going out taking a street and see where it goes. I learned a lot about Muncie that way. One thing I enjoy about having a dog is when you get lost you can sit them down and pet them why you think about how to get back. haha
Today I think I’m going to actually go and be around people which is rare these days. I have tickets for the Louisville game and I want to go to the birthday party for the bell of Louisville. This brings me to my final topic one that’s a little confusing for me right now. Yesterday after my session my therapist asked me if I would want to go out with her sometime? I’m a little torn because I’m not sure how professional that is, and I don’t want to ruin a good thing. I don’t talk to many people about what it’s like to fail in radio, or decline a job because of being scared of not finding work if I were get fired from that one. I took a risk moving to Louisville to do my current job, but when given the chance I didn’t take the risk and following my dreams and I don’t know why. Anyway I just hate starting over with someone new if it doesn’t work out, but will see. I was only going to go do a few more sessions anyway. haha I don’t write as much as I want to, so if I don’t have an update next week I think the Royals win the World Series.