Tag Archives: Kentucky

Cain travel takes time

Using my cane again has been a learning opportunity to say the least. I learned Muncie with a cane first then got Robin, but here in Louisville I never used my cane I learned it with Robin. I went to a building the other day for an appointment, and I found myself frustrated because it took me longer to find my way inside. It has a ramp, and Robin would just go right to the door where I got to the building and had to figure out if I went right or left. It’s hard to describe in words, but when your working with a dog they find you the door making your job way easier. The cane I have to do a lot more analyzing and paying attention.
The holidays were good, but there was this Absence without Robin. My mom came down and spent a few days here before going home for the new year and Christmas with my family. I walked out of work and I had no Robin to get excited to see her truck. I didn’t always like her over excited cries, but now that I don’t have them I miss them so much. When we were coming home my brother and dad drove me back. My dad said he realized she was gone when I would have to grab my cane.
Of course the question I keep getting so much is will I get another dog, and I have no idea. I hate using my cane again, but it’s so emotional if I do it again it will because Robin proved so much to me. It’s weird when I was going to get her I had so many thoughts of would this work could I really trust a dog over my cane? Now I feel opposite, but do I want to make the emotional investment for another 8 or 9 years? These dogs because there always with you it’s like what I feel like losing a kid would feel like. We were partners, and I feel a little of me is gone. I also feel if I answer no people usually have this response of taking care of a cane is easier. If I say yes I haven’t really heard that response. My question for you is why does everyone always have to have an opinion? What happened to listening? If I choose not to it’s not because I didn’t enjoy taking her out in the cold, or because I have to make sacrifices I don’t have to make with using a cane, but maybe because emotionally I just don’t want to have to lose something like that again.
I bought a picture frame and put her death certificate in. My sister also made me a picture frame of Robin looking out the window. It says best dog ever on it. I have that picture next to her box and the certificate behind it. I love it I think it would look nice. I do miss still not being able to see a picture of her. I touch her box a lot, but I always wonder being able to see photo’s if that enhances your memories. For me I have to have a trigger, or purposely think of a moment, where if you see a photo you normally can instantly come up with that memory. All this is moot I guess, because if I could have seen or could see photo’s I would never have had Robin. For me touching the frame it helps, but I recorded her barking once and usually listen to that. I keep telling myself she is in a better place, but it doesn’t really make it any easier.
Everything is a trigger lately to a time we shared. Tonight during the Kentucky game they kept referencing the UCLA game, which is the last game we watched together. Were coming up to a month on the 6th, and words really don’t describe how tough it’s been.
I can’t leave without saying happy new year! Abby came home with me, and we had a good celebration. It’s hard to believe were on year two now. We have talked about doing some cool stuff this year. We already have a few concerts lined up, and were figuring out the summer. We will take a trip somewhere just not sure where. The original plan was to go to Wrigley Field, and that’s where I would have retired Robin. Obviously that didn’t work out as to plan, so even though I would love to take Abby, because she’s never been that may be a little bit longer. I want to take her to a major league park since she has never gone. Whatever we do I will keep you updated. I also would like to say rest in peace to my grandpa I think about him often and find myself listening to a lot of songs that meant something to me when I was a child because of him.

Sorry for the long wait but I was parking my car

I haven’t written in a long time. Let me get you up to speed where things are. Also Happy Thanksgiving y’all.
 
Abby and I have been together more than a year now. Every day we get closer, with us and the two dogs we have are little family. One of my favorite trips we did so far is we went to Lexington to watch a Cats basketball game together. It was last year and they were playing LSU. I’ve gone before but usually with someone sighted who would drive me. We caught the bus here in Louisville and got to Lexington. Once there we caught a Uber to the game. We left the dogs with Jerry and Lee because we didn’t have accessible seating and I didn’t want them to get stepped on.
 
The funniest thing happened in Lexington. After the game we waited for the usher to help us out to the front. In Louisville usually you get one person, but there they are mainly volunteers so you get handed from one person to another until you get to your destination. Once we were in the elevator heading out the guy asked us where we parked? We advised him we took Uber and would catch it in the front. We went to a restaurant that was a former church made in to a pasta place. The bar was actually where the preacher would have stood. Anyway when we were leaving a guy grabbed my hand and helped me down the stairs being over protecting making sure I wouldn’t fall. He then goes where did you guys park? In my head I’m thinking seriously you registered I was blind, but now you’re going to help me to my car to drive Abby home? No wonder are streets are so scary. We left dinner with a few hours to wait for the return bus to Louisville and we learned they lock the station so we went over to a Burger King. I called a Lyft to go to the bus station when time and the driver showed up but we couldn’t find him so I called him. I advised I and my girlfriend are blind and we couldn’t see him. He said what? I repeated I’m blind and can’t see him. You’re BLIND? He yelled it or had a weird sounding voice. I said yes sir he was really cool actually once we were in the car. It turns out the Burger king was about 500 feet from the bus station so I tipped him nicely for his troubles. Lexington was fun just watch out they think blind people can drive which when you think about it is I guess cool we can do anything else I guess.
 
Robin has had a rough year. I took her to the vet last weekend and she either has Irritable bowel disease or cancer of the intestine. If she has the cancer she has a year roughly to live. If it is the IBD then not so serious, but it is still so hard to watch her age. She has lost 16 pounds since last November which scares me. Now that it is getting colder I will wake up in the night and she will jump up on my bed and cuddle against my legs. I cherish every moment like this. One morning I had a hard time getting up and she raised her head up and gave me a lick on the cheek that got me moving it was like she was saying hey daddy stop being lazy. I have her on a new food that she is eating every ounce of so I’m hoping it will put some weight back on her. When I touch her back and go towards her tail it just makes me so sad to see how much she has thinned out. We still play but only certain times. She likes to get on my couch when I’m in the chair and she is 10 so I’m okay with that. We’ve been through so many battles together. Trying to get gigs on radio and TV going from city to city in the last year or so we’ve really settled down. I know she can’t travel and do the things we once did and I’m excepting that for her. We don’t do a lot of street crossing right now because my work isn’t in a walking friendly area so it works out that she still comes with me If that changes I will retire her. She has stayed home more than normal and she has begun chewing the hair off her legs the vet told me it’s a behavioral thing acting out because of changes so truthfully I know she would be right beside me if she could be. I’ll never forget we were crossing an alley when I lived downtown and she stopped and backed up suddenly, and that’s when I heard a car backing out. A second later and I would have been hit. When you are a team it is so rough and so hard to see them getting older. To some she is a dog, but for me it’s more than that we have this bond that I’ve never shared with anything else. Robin you’re the best and thanks for your years of work, and also thank you to the Seeing-Eye for matching us.
 
Next year on the docket is Abby would like to go to Chicago to see the World Series champs!!! Yes I can say that the Chicago Cubs!!!! I cannot believe they did it. It was a really emotional night my grandpa Hoyer got me in to the Cubs, and listening all those years baseball is unlike any other sport. I’m hoping to take Abby to Wrigley. This year we went to a lot of Bats games they were fun except one which the radio was on a delay so people are cheering and were 2 pitches behind. Thankfully they fixed it for the final game. I miss baseball already. Were also going to Tim McGraw and Faith Hill here in Louisville. Finally so far we have tickets to see Aaron Lewis in Feb which I am so excited for. I will try to write more things are just really busy.

One year later and other thoughts

A year ago I got news my friend Ethan committed suicide. The news completely rocked my world. The next few months I’d just wake up at 2 or 3 and just cry. I may have a dream about him hearing him and then wake up realizing he was still gone. When it first happened all I could do was read. About a month in I started listening to Mat Jones Kentucky Sports Radio podcast and when I could catch it live on the radio. Honestly go read the day after Kentucky lost to Wisconsin and you’ll see my heartbreak. Watching them was like this mask so to speak. I cope with these things by watching sports, because it’s the one thing that has always been there. I still really can’t watch the NFL much I am trying this year, because I know Ethan wouldn’t want me not to watch it’s just hard.
I’ve heard so many things talking with friends that try to help but most didn’t know him and most don’t understand suicide. I’ve heard things like I don’t know why people would do such a thing? That just pisses me off quite frankly, because your not in that persons shoes. To me actually doing it is probably a real courageous act. It might not be the best thing, but it takes guts. To be in that much pain and whatever. I stopped talking about it around most, because I didn’t want to hear there ignorance.
I don’t wake up crying anymore, but I do think about him and wish he could still be here. I think about texting him about a Colts trade, or to laugh about something that would have been an inside joke and then let my phone fall back down.
Saying goodbye was the hardest for me. I remember the funeral seemed like a dream I couldn’t get awake from. You never picture saying goodbye to your best friend when he was 27. You never think this will be the last time we texted or talked. I cherish every memory I have of him, and I lost someone who no matter what I could count on if I needed something.
I wrote a memory about him, and it pained me to do so. I didn’t think it would be hard to share something, but I found it hard to focus on one thing or one instant. Here I share pretty personal feelings, but even now I am holding back a bit. I think about him every day, and I don’t think that will change. He always included me which I found special looking back a lot of people don’t so yeah.
I was going to write 2 posts, but I feel like shit. My throat hurts and my head is aching. Small problems I know. This weekend I went to the Kentucky game with Robin. When I got there the seat I had bought wasn’t big enough for her to fit down in between. I panicked because I requested special for accessible seating. They told me everything was sold out, but they had room in a box. I got up there and it was amazing. They had free hotdogs and soda. It had it’s own bathroom, and about 18 other people who knew I didn’t belong. No one really talked to me so that was a bummer. I did meat Rodger the concession guy we talked most of the night. On one play in particular I tossed my radio in front of me a little hard and it flew in to the wall. This lady came over and said here I think this is yours? I said thank you and couldn’t think of a disability I could claim to blame it on. The radio still worked Tom came over it just fine. Kentucky’s quarterback completed 8 passes the entire game and yet they still had a shot to win on the last drive. Overall I enjoyed the box, but I missed being in the noise. There were windows, but not quite the same.
Finally I will talk about this girl I met named Abby. We’ve been hanging out the last few weeks, and things are going really well. With her things are just really chill. I mean like I’ve always felt like I’’ve put in work and the other half has come up short or taken advantage of my kindness. I really like joking with her, and I’m excited to see where things go. I am taking things one day at a time, but I really enjoy spending time with her. She actually watched the entire football game and is catching on really quickly. I am planning on taking her to Lexington to watch a basketball game this year she loves the basketball team. The bus I took this time was real smooth and I was able to connect with a bus in Lexington that got me to the stadium.
I might as well say this now I had a job interview in Nebraska but thankfully I didn’t get the job. It would have been working with blind people something I want to do again soon. I just couldn’t imagine leaving Louisville and my home. The older I get the less diserable that becomes. I was freaking about everything moving Robin again, learning a new city, and what the hell to do with my house? Things work out though.
Before I go I just wanted to say hold those close to you tight. Even if you fight say I love you and hug them more, because you never know when the last time will be. I got let down by the Colts and Packers exit last year, but if the Cubs win the world series this year I know you played the best card up there sir. I’ll never replace him there will always be a spot for him no matter how many years pass. I loved the person he was and the prints left by him. I’ll see him again one day, and he can by me drinks pretending there from women to get me drunk and feel better about myself. I miss you buddy.

long night

I moved to Kentucky three years ago I chose Louisville at first, because I graduated from Ball State and they were the cardinals so it seemed fitting. Obviously from being not from Kentucky it’s difficult to be part of the rivalry, Because you don’t have the years of being annoyed with each otherFanbase. I would always watch Kentucky games and keep up with them along the way for different reasons. I had been to Rupp Arena the last two years to watch a few games but never really took much interest to the team. In September Ethan died and I felt isconnected loss sad. I would read books just sit not turning on the television not reading twitter or Facebook just sit. I never imagined going through that type of loss. You never really can be prepared to lose someone your own age.

One night after work I decided to check out the Kentucky sports radio podcast. My friend Jerry and I were talking about Mat Jones, recently, so I grabbed it because I was tired of reading. It was like a slow love that grew from doiing that. A week went buy I started watching a little Kentucky football which I never imagined. I did this so I knew who the hell Matt and Ryan were talking about. Then I started liking Tom the play by play man for the Wildcats. The show  help bring a little normalcy back into my life it’s weird that it did that but that’s what happened. Along the way I started hearing stories about the guys on this basketball team. WCS volunteering at children’s hospitals, the Harrison’s being the first in line for disabled children, and it just made me feel good. Yes I probably could’ve seeked out some great stories from Louisville, but there are not many radio hosts like Matt and Ryan. Drew and Tyler do a great job withe website. I didn’t think as time went on i thought I’d  eventually stop listening or as things got a little easier I would lose  time for them. The truth is I enjoy listening to the callers and how Mat works with them, doing a little radio myself not many people just take calls on the air anymore. I can tell Ryan isn’t scripted like other shows seem to be.

Months flew by and we ended up all being let down last night. I’m a little sleepy I didn’t sleep much at all I found myself feeling weird after the loss. I have the teams I root for but I love the game first and foremost of basketball, baseball, football. My grandpa introduced me to sports really, because my mom and ddad hate them or at least don’t watch. For me sports have been where I’ve hidden my pains of growing up blind in a place where there was no one else like me. I was mainstreamed all the way through, so the puberty years can be hell. With the loss of Ethan I just wanted something positive in the universe to gravitate to, and I found KSR. After the game I sat in my chair for a long time just not sure what to say. Wisconsin was a great team and you can’t be disappointed with losing to them. Somehow I found my way on Facebook and I kept reading people calling Cal  a cheater laughing that Kentucky just lost. I Felt for these kids because the rest of their life they’ll have that memory of all most being there but that’s the beast of college basketball. I got pretty worked up by some Indiana fans just talking trash. I found myself on one hand it being like it’s not like I’m a lifelong Kentucky fan but on the other hand I hated reading people saying things that don’t have any fat. What if I just went on here and said Smelly Melly slept with John? For any school to question integrity it would be Indiana does anyone remember Mike Davis? You guys hired a known cheater as well, but who cares about history? After all we lost in the first round, so now I’ll just laugh at Kentucky for losing to Wisconsin something that happened to us as well this season. Oh and don’t let me forget Cal is a cheater.

I know you’ll never understand just loving a game, and getting lost in it. My grandpa before he died turned in to a Tigers fan also. He made me a Cubs fan, and I remember asking him once how can you route for the Cubs and the cardinals? He just said I love baseball, and if it’s on I can find someone I like. Maybe as I get older I realize what he meant more. While I watch the game it takes me away from the fact it’s hard to move up in my job because of technology issues. It takes away the stinging I still feel from Ethans passing, and finally I watch because sports have been with me so long. Last night I realized after talking with Denny to do are picks for where we think the divisions will shake out in baseball I realized maybe I am a bit angry. Why do I care if Indiana fans talk shit when they haven’t been to a final four since 2000 I just looked it up. There should probably be a question mark there but who cares. I just want to thank KSR and this group of guys for helping me get back in love with the game I pushed away for a while. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same person I was a year ago but I’m just trying. When I first moved down here I would get homesick and then Ethan would come down a  weekend and it helped me feel more at home. It just brought something familiar back in my life. Since he September I don’t feel homesick, because Louisville is now home I just feel lonely. Anyway I don’t know why all this came out or what exactly it is, but I’m a little sorry for calling my friends who are Indiana fans douche bags just stop spreading rumors that aren’t true and have no fact.

My Kentucky Louisville dilemma

Last night I was talking to my friend Denny and he made a good point. He said that I should choose either Louisville or Kentucky and that be my home team. it’s very difficult and I haven’t thought about it a lot other than I enjoy watching them both play men’s and women’s. If you’re asking me which announcer I like better definitely Kentucky Tom is great where Paul seems lost and a bit boring. My love for Kentucky sports radio also has fueled my Kentucky interest lately. Also when I took Kevin to the game over a year ago the Harrison’s were amazing they talk with him, and were very nice for young men. Even the last time I went they saw Robin and said something about their favorite dog. Kevin hasn’t been feeling well and they’ve gone above and beyond for that two minutes that they speak with him to make him feel normal.

I don’t really have the same contacts that I do in Louisville other then it’s my home court. It’s a hell of a lot easier for me to go to games then catch a greyhound to Lexington. I do have a nice usher that I know and half the time during the game he comes and sits by me and we just talk about sports. So this leads me to my first problem. The pizza guy came today which I tipped big because it sucks ass outside. anyway I answer the door with my Kentucky had on and he says go Big Blue! we proceeded to do a go cats chant. After he left my Louisville hat was sitting on the table and I had a hard time eating my pizza okay not that hard but it put me into some decision-making for the first time. Can I continue to go on supporting both or will I have to choose? I don’t know! That’s an open question. Maybe next time I’ll have my Louisville hat on and we can do at go carts chant.

I went to Atlanta on Thursday and did some advocating for a travel company for service animals. I gave a half hour speech and I think it went well. I don’t know what will come of it maybe a job I’m just keeping quiet for now. The travel really killed me I left Thursday morning and return pretty late Thursday night and I’m just not built for that like I used to be. I’m going to continue watching this Minnesota Wisconsin game hoping the badgers lose so Purdue has a chance but it doesn’t look like it right now. This snow and slush really sucks I’m going to have to go out and shovel my drive again, but the drivers that of pick me up I have all commented that my driveway is clean and they have a path they actually thought I paid someone to do it which felt nice that they said that.

Valentines day early

On Saturday Taylor and I decided to celebrate Valentines a little early. I did that because she hates crowds for one and it just felt like a great weekend to celebrate. I really don’t know why I plan anything anymore, because those plans get aborted but I’ll explain the evening. I got reservations for us at bonefish she showed up at my house and we went out to eat. While she was here she gave me a braille card which I thought was a nice touch. It was actually a birthday card but she said she couldn’t find a braille Valentines so she went with that. I got her some of her favorite candy and some of those Sherry berries. i’ve been listening to Czabe A lot lately and he was advertising them so I took the plunge and oh Jesus are they good.

At dinner we talked a lot, laughed and just had a good time. I was able to open up to her a lot about feelings I haven’t shared with many people. Tomorrow if I feel up to it I’m going to write a post that I hope blind people don’t find offensive but it honestly is a conversation we have to have. I find myself being angry and emotionally different right now I literally go through a whirlwind of emotions weekly. it’s difficult to describe I just wish I could change things that I’ve done that I didn’t do I don’t know. Anyway getting back on point because I don’t want to write 10 pages I want to go to bed. Taylor and I have this relationship where things are so easy for me to communicate. We talk a lot about each other’s faults and strengths and she’s been there for me the last few months when things have been pretty grim. i’ve got a few calls about getting back into writing but I just haven’t really felt like being funny or like it matters. that’s just me being honest.

Anyway it was such a beautiful night that rather than go sit inside Taylor’s very spontaneous kind of like myself so we took a drive and ended up in West Virginia. One thing that’s really starting to bother me as I get older is I tend to get bored with being in one place too long. When I was traveling hard with radio and sports not only was it fun for me being blind I really got to experience new senses. When you wake up in the same place go to sleep in the same place and nothing really changes it’s very dull. what I mean is I can’t really see the sunset or the sunrise some of that real beauty in the world gets lost. When I was a kid when we would travel I would listen to the radio and every city we were and it was different. now Louisville has the same stations as Fort Wayne or Indianapolis feels like Denver if you go by radio. I remember taking a trip during the summer when we drove around Kentucky and I felt sadness for the first time because of what I couldn’t see. i’ve never had depression like that so it was strange. When Taylor and I were driving to West Virginia she described a lot of the scenery which was cool a lot of people don’t take the time I enjoyed that even if some of it was hard for me to understand or picture.

I don’t know if Taylor and I will date because of our past. It’s hard for me to open up myself again for the second time to someone. I’m kind of ashamed but I’ve never had a date or girlfriend on Valentine’s Day when Taylor and I dated a year ago I believe she was my first actual Valentine. I know I should’ve Brian Williams that made it bigger than it actually is. Hahaha this post is been pretty heavy that made me laugh. We have some champagne at the hotel and she actually brought up the fact she was happy to be my only Valentine. Usually in life I’m the fast one I’ve arty one Belmont and we haven’t even ran the Kentucky derby yet. I’m just taking one day at a time but it was a pretty special evening.

Almost 24

I took today off because I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after, so I thought I would party. yesterday I went over to the casino with a few friends and we played blackjack. They did not allow me to use braille cards or offer any but they did allow hey staff worker to sit beside me and read the cards. it’s not my ideal situation but it worked. around 230 we went up to the hotel room that they had rented and we play with braille cards and I drink Miller light until about 530 this morning. I got about an hours sleep and I really wanted to go to Lexington and meet Matt Jones today. Taylor drove me while I slept. I really enjoyed meeting Mat and Ryan. Besides Opie and Jimmy and of course aunt I have a really paid much attention to radio for the last six months. The last few months though I’ve needed a few laughs to get through the day and listening to Matt has provided that one reason myself I always wanted to do radio.

I also got to meet Derek Anderson I probably shouldn’t of made a paragraph but I’m too lazy to fix it. Now to my blind problem of the day. So I have an apple time capsule oh which runs over my wireless network and backs up or did back up my mac mini at one time. I sold my Mac so now it pretty much is a network drive. i’ve wanted for a long time or about the month I’ve had Sonos to connect it to that unit and play some files off of it. I did some searching and found a few articles and could not get it to connect so I called tech support around 430 and the only thing I had wrong was I left the name of the system blank. I don’t know what I thought when I saw username but I never thought just right time capsule. It was pretty cool though they were able to remote into my home computer and fix the issue for me. I love technology and to tinker with it once in a while it outsmarts me and that’s why am a communication major, not a computer science major. Anyway on this drive I have music from literally the day I started downloading music on Napster so tonight I’m going to listen to a lot of old hip-hop. Ja Rule hahaha I almost forgot about him. music has been making me feel really old lately.

Monday night look for the end of the year post called a year in review I’m hoping it will be done by then either Monday or Tuesday. I’m going to do a little dancing to some DMX or Mos Def and then maybe get some sleep. i’m really just waiting for Taylor to get back with some carry out I’m starving.

One of the best thanksgivings in a long time and it’s okay if you pity me if you give me free booze.

I was so tired when I wrote that last message, because I was anticipating what the buffet would be like. To give you an idea I went to sleep around 9 o’clock Wednesday evening woke up around one and could not sleep again until about 9 o’clock Thursday morning. I got about two hours sleep before I went and took a shower. just like Robin I anticipate a lot it makes sense that I got her. we fit each other’s personalities pretty easily. I have to honestly say I haven’t had that much fun in a long time. I rarely get to be around families so that was a cool experience. A lot of the people I know have really young kids or none. I really just like the conversation. I haven’t done the buffet thing in a long time in a setting like that, so I was pretty nervous as I said before. Once you get your food it’s kind of like a free-for-all whatever you get on your fork is what you get so that was a little difficult and stressful but it worked out. I think honestly I just overthink everything and overanalyze everything and it makes things exhausting. As I’ve gotten older though it is strange things that used to never bug me or I would never think about tend to stick out. for example I wonder how I look eating Two other people that’s something that would never bothered me before. It’s not just this time so I don’t want Leslie to be offended it’s happened a lot probably in the last two years. When I go out with someone new or meet a new friend or whatever the case may be I get a little apprehensive. no one wants to be out with a slob you know? It’s not that I’m messy when I eat by myself or anything it’s just I’m a lot less tactful. I think one thing that kind of makes it harder for me is I learned everything in public school so I had a teacher that would teach me braille or Atticus see but not in the same manner they would add a blind school. I think in certain situations I wish I had gone to a blind school for a period of time to learn little things I learned on my own. for example my parents never showed me how to use a knife I taught myself so I probably don’t do it correctly but it gets the damn job done. The same was shaving even the older I get I feel razors get shittier. I think mine has 10 blades on it but it cuts worse than One with one. I remember being like 15 and just telling myself I’m going to use a razor and cut my facial hair. It was pretty much common sense I don’t remember anything crazy happening.

Anyway back to dinner so it went really well and I really enjoyed spending time with them. I enjoy them for giving me the opportunity to share the holiday with. It definitely made it enjoyable and not so lonely.

Today I went to the Kentucky Louisville game Neil came in town for their family stuff today and we met up for the game. What a game! Louisville starting quarterback went down so they went to their third string quarterback and he had a heck of a game! Neel and I played basketball and it went pretty well I was going for the ball though once and I kind of fell over a picnic table bench. it bruised up my kneecaps a little but I’m okay. that’s what happens with friends when something at first happens they verbally tell you everything then when you get to know someone it becomes funny when you fall over something. I have to agree. and meals the fence he really wasn’t paying attention when I was doing.

I’ve often commented hear about my irritation about accessible things when it comes to television. through the application tunein Radio you can listen to what’s called blindy.tv. It is basically shows that have audio description of what’s going on I don’t listen to it much but today I got to hear an episode of South Park with description which was pretty interesting. There are just things I will never understand about the United States we can have all this freedom but yet where controlled a lot by media companies and big business which dictates lack of freedom in certain cases. I am overall thankful to be from here I just don’t understand the lack of progression on services such as audio description. I don’t mind watching television without audio description but I just find certain shows more enjoyable with it. Especially when I’m alone. by now I really should have the option and shouldn’t have to seek out underground projects to get it. For example even program such as Netflix just added programs for the hearing impaired but no audio description for the blind I just don’t get it. Why in the video market are we so limited and often times left out?

I talked to Taylor Thursday night and I told her that I wasn’t interested in a relationship I just wanted to be friends if she could do that. I really do enjoy her company as far as going shopping and getting things that are difficult to get online. I did try to go shoe shopping on my own and the sales lady was like what do you want what color I really have no idea. when she offered it just made sense I made things a lot easier.

One more thing about the game Neil often is my pilot when we go somewhere random so he doesn’t get a drink, but since we stayed in Louisville his wife drop us off at the game so we were able to go tailgating. Since it was Louisville Kentucky I wanted to experience that. It’s crazy 10 years ago I probably would’ve fallen asleep somewhere Random, but now I wanted to remember things it’s weird how you progress. haha I was pretty stupid back in my younger days. One great thing about being blind though is a lot of times people give you free alcohol which is great so thank you! i’m sure if I were a beautiful woman this would be an every day occurrence I’m not either one of those things so i’ll take your pity for free booze and that’s my great advice for the day. I don’t think everyone who gives me free alcohol pities me that’s not what I’m trying to say but they don’t offer it to everyone and it’s very ironic they offer it to the person with a disability but you know I’m not complaining. it’s just something I noticed over the years.

Thanksgiving, Kentucky Louisville game, and a few other thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families! The holidays since I’ve moved to Kentucky have been a little weird because I have to work the day before and day after usually so I haven’t really been able to go home on the actual holiday since I’ve moved. Last Christmas eve I worked in Lexington on the radio and watched home alone. you know is crazy about that day is I just wanted some damn Papa John’s on Christmas and I thought I could obtain that goal but I could not so I sat at home alone and ate some shitty TV dinner. I’m independent though so I guess that’s something. haha

Today I’m going downtown and eating at a restaurant with my friend Leslie and her children. I’m looking forward to but I’m nervous about the fact it’s a buffet. I think I’ve written about them before whenever I have to go outside my comfort zone anymore especially I really don’t like that. Buffets present this challenge to me that I just don’t like. I’m trying to work through it so I’m sure it will be fun. I’m excited to meet her family.

Saturday I’m going to the Kentucky Louisville game and I was speaking to Taylor and I said I might wear my Louisville had a Kentucky shirt. In my last post I said I root for Louisville more which is true I just really want the state to do well either way but I will be rooting for Louisville. This lad Taylor to say things like this just proves you can’t commit to someone. So I like the game of football and basketball and just because I have clothing from both teams means I have commitment issues? In my life I’ve made a lot of mistakes I’ve allowed jealousy to ruin a great relationship and friendship and I’ve learned from that. I don’t really know why things happen the way they do, but I feel you have to grow from every experience. i’ve never cheated on anyone because I know how that feels and I wouldn’t do that. However that being said I’ve stumbled upon something recently that I’m working on or trying to work through I guess. I’m not sure I really like myself or that I love myself if that makes sense? I don’t know there’s a lot of reasons things I don’t want to get into right now but I’m just trying to get to a point where I feel okay. I feel like things I phot to not become I’ve become. Recently I’ve become agitated with my blindness and I feel a little bitter which I’ve never wanted it just sort of has happened. I think when I first started this blog I wrote I used to think one day with my blindness I would just completely understand everything but I don’t think that’s the case probably because of society pressures culture and other factors you always will be dealing with something related to it.

I think she read this blog but whatever it hasn’t stop me from saying something before. lol The other night Taylor asked me if I would like to date again and I’m torn. The last time she broke up with me to go back out with an ex-boyfriend and that did not work out. I promise you since I’ve bought my house I’ve really not hung out with any women at all I get in this routine when I come home fall sleep on the couch going to work and do the same routine again. Occasionally I will have a bourbon or beer. I’ve been reading a lot and reminiscing on old memories and I’m not sure if I really want a relationship at this point. I don’t know really where the silver lining will be I’m sure I will find it in a weird way lately it’s with Kentucky sports radio and my Sonos. oh and Olivia Munn. I saw her on the newsroom recently and wow. you’re probably asking yourself what it is or how I can find someone attractive without seeing them and I don’t really know it’s just the way she carries herself I guess. I was working with the show a year ago well not really a year ago I guess like eight months ago and my whole goal was for them to be more fan friendly and they just never got it. If you can make haters listen to your show you have it going on. some people just don’t get that. anyway sorry I got off point. well I lost it so I guess I’ll save it for another day. I will write about my buffet experience the game maybe a party I’m going to tomorrow night so if I’m not into much pain on Sunday expect a post. I’m hoping to throw some darts this weekend I was talking about it with someone at work recently I love that game I’ve already lost my eyes so whatever. cheap blind joke ring the bell. Have a happy Thanksgiving and stay safe.

Unlike Mississippi State I know my place king of the threes

Earlier today I was discussing how Mississippi State isn’t a 4. They’re more like a 16 to me. Yes they’ve won some big games, but Kentucky hung in with them, and let’s face it Kentucky is improved, but they’re no Georgia or Alabama. I feel like sometimes teams get a hire ranking, and I think they should just know there roll. For example I know I’m not Bruno Mars or anything. I’m like a really strong 3, but when I start thinking I’m a 4 I get in to trouble. I have a real winning personality, but my circle tummy brings me down.

Anyway this is November, so I thought I would give thanks to a few things. Number one is my Robin. The past 6 years have been great, and real fast. I think of her as like my daughter, because she goes everywhere with me. I don’t know at this point if I’ll get another dog, but having her has truly been amazing and I wouldn’t trade it. She makes me feel more comfortable in larger crowds, and confidence. One story I haven’t told here yet is when I first got her I wasn’t sure we would work well together. It took her a long time to warm up to me in class. I remember I’d lie on the floor and she would scoot as far away from me as she could. When I came home with her I finished up college, and started looking for a job. It took me a year but that’s a different story. One night I laid down on the floor feeling defeated, because I had a job with Apple but because of things not being accessible they didn’t hire me. I had just gotten home from Denver from a bad interview. Things weren’t going well. Robin lies next to me, and put her paws around my neck in a hug. She’s never done it again, but that moment I think out of everything stands out as the day I felt we connected as a team. I’m often annoyed about how strangers think she is the brains of everything. People often say I bet she does a lot for you? I don’t really know what that means. Honestly I’ve had her 6 years, and that phrase still just bothers me. Do you mean be my eyes? Sure she does do a lot of seeing for us. Overall she is like the ship, and I’m the captain. I saw that analogy somewhere and liked it.

I’m thankful for being allowed the freedom to try anything I want. I’ve been researching heavily blind people in foreign countries and they do not have the same abilities as we do here. They may be told you’re going to be a masseuse and that’s the only choice you have. In other countries blind people are still shunned from a lot of society, and not given opportunity to thrive. I think it’s frustrating here in America, because so many blind people are living in poverty who is college educated and capable to do things, but people as a whole don’t really understand yet. It’s easy in this age to say we are all equal but that isn’t true. If I go to an interview regardless my education or skills I’d bet a majority of the time I will be not picked because sighted people put themselves in a place where they can’t picture how we can work. I have friends for many of years who still don’t get it. I have family who I’ve known my entire life that doesn’t get it. It’s why I took losing Ethan so hard, because he was one that just got it. I left Robin when I went to Green Bay and when we went to the Superbowl events downtown Indianapolis I never had my cane and his wife and him never made me feel uncomfortable. I’m grateful for those experiences, because for every negative one I try and remember positive ones.

I know lately maybe like the last 6 months or so I’ve been a bit more isolated. Staying at my house feels better than going out. Recently I’ve been attempting to go out, but I’m finding it difficult. At my house know one judge me or I don’t have to fumble around or live up to anything if that makes sense. I used to think it was just my new house, but I’m not sure if it’s not some sort of depression or something. When I can’t control the environment, or am outside my box I’m a bit more nervous than I used to be. I hate feeling like that, but I think recently I’ve felt different than I used to on how people view blind people and it bothers me. I’m sure I just think too much.

Last Friday night I was coming home in a cab, and we stopped and picked a lady up in a wheelchair. She was coming from the rodeo. The driver got out and let her out at her home. He got back in and I said its cold out there isn’t it? His response was I just don’t understand. I said what? She was at the rodeo with no man and alone for 5 hours, and she’s in a wheelchair. I tuned him out after that, but I was like why does it matter if she has a man or if she’s in a wheelchair? I’ll just never really understand. She was older, but my thought when I said hello to her was she is out doing something and that’s great. I don’t know why she was in a wheelchair maybe she had cancer or was in an accident but whatever the reason I was happy for her and don’t know why it really matters to him. Maybe it was a culture thing but was pretty dismayed.

I’m happy with apple as well for really working hard to fix issues with the IOS 8 software. When it first came out the tone your phone makes when dialing would get stuck and you’d have to restart the phone to get it to quit sometimes. Automated systems were a big pain. They’ve since fixed this which took a month. but I think blind people get frustrated because if that were happening to sighted people Apple would be all over the news for it. For us no press and we had no even time frame of a fix. Again I commend Apple for everything they’ve done just interesting to see how were viewed against the normal market. Take for example say when sighted people used the phone and a number held and didn’t let you keep going because you heard a tone I’m sure that fix would have been out in about 2 days if not faster.

We got are first snow recently, and Robin really is loving it outside. I really do like seeing her run around the yard, and I’m thankful I could fulfill that promise I made to myself that I would get her a yard one day.

Recently I went on a ride around Kentucky to do some things, and we were just driving and I had this feeling of sadness, because I couldn’t see the landscaping. I’ve never really experienced this much before, but I hated it. My friend Denny who lost his sight when he was 8 tells me that he goes through having those feelings a lot. Since I’ve never really seen anything I never gave thought to it, but I could smell the outside air, and just wondered what it would look like. I had a similar experience when I went to Arizona. Really for me the country feels the same especially with chain restaurants Louisville feels the same as Indianapolis. Once and a while I will get an acoustic difference like Chicago really is windier, or how I experienced snow thunder in Denver. I think people can be different. Overall I find Louisville much friendlier to walk around than I did in Indy or Muncie. On the other hand when I go to a store I find Indiana to be much better at than Louisville for the most part.

I went to the Kentucky game last night. I’ve been real fortunate to be able to go to a lot of different sporting events over the years. People ask me if I am for Louisville or Kentucky. I tend to be Louisville, but since I moved here later I can watch both. Kentucky fans annoy me more, but I don’t mind watching them play. I really like listening to Mat Jones lately someone I didn’t like forever, but he has grown on me. I will say this about him in an era where local talent is hard to find I give him props for sticking out and being different from your normal radio show. I hate having to listen to someone in Washington who has no connection to me in Louisville for laughter.

Three pages I really don’t know what I said here or if it is even worth posting, but those are my thoughts. I like to be as honest as I can some parts are harder to write about than others, because I’m going through them, but I want to be honest.