Tag Archives: parenting

Arms as big as a tree trunk

The other night Abby and I went to Acoustic Jam put on by WAMZ. This had 6 different singers at it, and I loved the format. They had 3 bands up at a time and they each played a song, and joked with one another. I really loved Mattie and Tae, Travis Denning, and David Lee Merfie. The concert was at a place I’d never been to called the Mercury ball room. According to the tickets there was no seating. Abby said they will find us a place to sit, because sighted folks are nervous about us standing. I said I don’t know, but sure enough we sat. I am not complaining we were out of the way and it was nice not to have to worry.

When we got to the venue this security guy came out and took us to a bench inside. I grabbed his arm and it was amazingly huge. I mean I couldn’t put my hand around his arm. My brother and dad have big arms, but god this guys arm well I’m going on and on like a school girl would. When your blind pretty much the only image you have of people is from feeling yourself and the handful of others along the way. I went home and pumped some iron I want Abby to be amazed by my arms lol. Whenever I hear Stern or guys gush about women part of me goes Christ haven’t you seen it all by now, but the part of being blind that is sad is truthfully everyone is different and we miss so much of that. It’s probably a gift and a curse all at the same time.

We had to leave a bit early since it was a work night. We couldn’t get anyone’s attention because it was loud in there. Abby grabbed my shoulder and I put my cane out in front of me. I hit several feet, but people move and were nice. I knew which way the door was, and moved towards it. A guy came up and said need an elbow? I said yes sir, and he navigated us the rest of the way outside. It was a great venue as are most in Louisville for assisting and not a bunch of confusion to help us get in and out.

I want to address a comment I heard recently, about blind folks being parents. I was on the bus talking about getting married to someone and I was asked if we wanted kids. I said no were older, and honestly I don’t have the energy for it. I love seeing others kids and loving on them, but it’s great when the house is quiet also. Someone recently mentioned you should want kids so they can take care of you. Dude I’m not 90 or in a nursing home. They then said yeah but they could make your life easier. Kids for the first 4 years first off do nothing but shit, cry, eat, and the other 1% do something cute. I actually got kind of offended with this comment. Help me? Make it easier? If Abby and I had a kid it’s going to be a kid. Does your 4 year old make your life easier somehow? Then it got worse the conversation that is. They said well once the kid grew up it could drive you around. Okay dip shit seriously that would be 16 years at the earliest and honestly I’ll have a flying car.in 20. I don’t even know where to start here. With Robin and Frasier I’d always hear some sighted folk go you take care of him don’t you? It always pissed me off. If I didn’t feed the dog, take it out to shit, or do the cleaning or maintaineding of the dog where it would it be? I feel like people think having a kid all most makes it a slave to the blind people which is just crazy! The blind parents I know take there kids to dance practices, soccer games, and anything else the kid wants to do. I don’t know where this kids taking care of a blind parent mentality comes from, but it needs to stop, because it‘ so absurd.

I am still not sure if I want to get another dog. The time away again, uncertainty if it will work any better than the last time, and the fact is I’m getting around fine. Yeah for sure when we go to Chicago I will miss what the dog provides,, but that’s random instances. I took a few Lyfts and Ubers this week, because I’ve been sick, and it’s been nice to get in not having to worry whether the driver is going to cancel or not which is sad, but if I’m being honest with myself it is nice. It’s been slower getting around, but I’m fine. I’ve encountered a blind person lately who is completely silly with her dog. She treats it as if the dog has choices which it shouldn’t have. She told her dog to sit 5 times before it did, and still gave it a treat. No corrections just acted as if giving a command five times before it listened was normal. These schools that don’t believe in corrections trouble me. Her dog was from a school out in California I think. Both Robin and Frasier if they didn’t sit when I said sit it was correction time.

I wanted to give a shout again to my teachers in the past. I was really lucky and had a teacher who taught me Braille, and knew the code herself. Ms. Tami taught me Braille when I was 4 years old. I remember her bringing over a rubber board and putting pins in it to represent the dots. I recently have witnessed and also told about kids who are graduating school knowing parts of the Braille code, but not all of it. I sort of have to be careful here, but I will speak my mind and be honest. I was somewhere doing a presentation on a product for work. A teacher asked me if rather than something being displayed in Braille could it be displayed in print? She said they struggle with reading braille. Wait what your a teacher of the visually impaired yet you yourself struggle with reading braille? How can you teach something to someone if you don’t know how to do it yourself? Tami taught me so much when I was really young on technology, and how to navigate things. The teacher then said she didn’t know how to use voiceover on the IPhone or IPad so she normally does something with it off then turns it on for the student. Again how do you teach this to a student? Tami Could use Win Vision or a scanning program she taught herself then me. If she couldn’t figure it out she called a company and learned. I’m sure there forcing kids on these teachers, but god you got to know the tools that can help these blind kids succeed. Maybe I need to get my masters and go help educate these kids I feel so bad for them, and the fact some of these teachers are earning a paycheck and don’t know braille or the technology these kids need.

I am really a technology guy, and I am trying to not continue to buy new things and just enjoy the ones I have. I had a HomePod but Apples wall garden started to annoy me. My Alexa can play MLB audio, Podcasts, call and message people, and more. My HomePod can only be used with Apple Music which I don’t want, and could Airplay. I just wanted a speaker that could do everything I wanted so that brought me to sell my HomePod on EBay and get a Sonos 1. I love it. I have Alexa built in, and plus I have Airplay 2 now. This speaker can do anything I need. Airplay put the Sonos over the top for me that was it’s one big drawback. If you have Android it still lacks Google cast, but maybe it will show up when the google assistant does later this year. If not sorry you have a inferior operating system. Hahaha just kidding. I’ve had it a week, and love the sound plus all the services that are integrated in.

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The importance of braille.

With this blog I’ve said and put in to words a lot of different experiences that I’ve had. I want to talk about something important that a lot of people ask about, but I really haven’t put in to words. Is braille still relevant today?
 
I first got in to this conversation when I went to Ball State. Ethan and Whitney asked me about it after reading an article that someone wrote questioning if braille should still be taught. My opinion has gone back and forth on this, but with my new job especially where I am working with the first ever low-cost display my opinion has changed again.
I would start here would you want your kid to only learn by speech? If your child is sighted I am going to guess your answer would be no. Why are we trying to dictate that blind children would be illiterate? I hear things every day when I sit down with my IPhone or my computer, but being able to read what I wrote is life changing. I want you to take what I am about to say and think about it. I’m 31 years old, and for the first time writing this on my couch I can view my writing. I can see commas, question marks, periods, quotations, and etc. I’ve never had this access before.
 
The reason being is cost. The IPhone came out in 2009 and mainstreamed accessibility by putting Voiceover on every device. As a blind consumer I can go by a phone and turn on speech and use it with no additional cost. I had access to a braille display in college, but it eventually broke and a new one was $3000 and that wasn’t in the budget. Imagine just to be able to read what you wrote if they charged you $3000 for paper and a pencil, so that left me with speech. A lot of my childhood I had speech in everything, but braille really hadn’t become electronic yet so I missed a lot because it wasn’t available.
 
The fact that in a month or so that schools and parents will be able to buy a braille display for around $500 is huge. That is still a lot, but it puts braille in more children’s hands. My dad and mom used to joke but were serious when I went to school in Kindergarten that I had the most expensive backpack. I had a Braille N Speak 640 which was $1500, but it only talked there was no braille output. I went and observed some kids playing with these braille displays and it was amazing. My niece and nephews all have access to IPads or Kindles, but if your blind and a child you don’t really get exposed to braille until your school aged. My 2-year-old Nephew can point at a Netflix logo and say Thomas the Train, but a blind child doesn’t have that ability.
At work in the mornings I usually spend some time talking with Ken. He reminds me of an older version of myself, but smarter. Well maybe I’ll get there. We talk a lot about parents with blind children, and how they try and do too much limiting the things that child could learn. I get the privilege to work with Larry who created one of the first screen readers for Windows, but he cuts his own grass. Ken works on a lot of things in his house. I never learned these things. My parents were really good about letting me experience things, but on some things they still say to me I will help you.
 
One thing I’ve found challenging is doctors’ visits. When I was a kid my mom would fill out the paperwork, and I’d see the doctor. The other day I went in for a toe surgery, and the lady hands me a card with an appointment time and says you can give this to whoever drives you. Really? Again people make me feel like I can’t possibly do something unless I have a sighted person managing things. Maybe that’s an extreme view, but it’s frustrating. My parents doing that when I was little sheltered me from these types of attitudes. Let your kid try things, make mistakes, and then help them learn how to correct it. Being a helicopter parent does nothing useful for your child. One day you will die then what?
 
Sorry back to braille. As an adult I really haven’t had the opportunity to read a lot of braille books, because of convenience. With this display I can pair it to my IPhone and read a book from Amazon or Bookshare. I have things at my finger tips that I’ve never been able to have before. It highly offends me when sighted people discuss the merits of braille and it’s use. Should I do the same for print? After all you can get your newspaper on any device why do you prefer getting an actual copy? I don’t think people stop and think about how much reading helps you with spelling, grammar, sentence structure, and etc.
 
The other thing is graphics are coming a long way also. Ken is in charge of a display that refreshes graphics. Imagine being able to feel long division on a graphical braille display! It’s coming. We’re going to be seeing in the not too far future huge advancements in teaching math to blind children which opens the door to a lot of things. I’m excited to test that display when it’s done. The other thing is you can draw on it. I can make a shape or even draw what I think something looks like then someone sighted can draw me what something actually looks like. That display for now will be out of my price range, but as the Orbit braille display is doing to price maybe in a few versions the graphical displays can also come down. I think as a braille reader were entering an exciting time period for being a braille user.
 
I am doing okay. I am getting better with the cane I don’t feel like a novice anymore. A lot of it is coming back. I think about Robin every day probably always will. I really enjoy the on this day feature on Facebook, because I would write in things and include her so whenever I see one it helps. I still can’t believe how fast her health declined.
 
My friend Denny came in to town last weekend and we had a lot of fun. Abby, Denny, and I all went to the Bats game Friday against the Reds. They did not have the game on the radio, but we just talked the entire time so it was still a lot of fun. Cold, but fun. Sunday we went to Abby’s and she made us lunch it was great. We also sat outside for the first time this year for a few hours. It’s funny we listened to baseball and played Dice World on the IPhone.
 
Abby and I are doing well. It’s hard to believe with each month that passes were nearing 2 years together. Her dog Bancroft has really gotten to be closer to me now that Robin is gone. Not that she wouldn’t allow it, but they both are really close to their owners. I’ll never forget the last weekend with Robin she followed me everywhere she wanted to be in the same place as me all of the time I think she knew. The MLB season has started, so I’m pretty excited to see where teams end up.

Final rant

Robin is 8 this year and what happened earlier kind of makes me wonder if I want to get another dog. I think back to my life when I had a cane, and I was definitely not as outgoing as I am now. I definitely would not of gone to New York three or four times, I would’ve not taken an internship with the Detroit Tigers, and I don’t think I would’ve traveled as much as I have. The positive with a cane is it’s just me so if you need a ride somewhere you don’t have to worry about a dog. I personally don’t understand and never will understand what happened earlier, because it made me feel like dirt. I have a job, pay taxes, and I’m living the American dream blind and other countries blind people aren’t this fortunate. Yet the issues I brought up last post and why I think this is a huge deal what happened is because we should all have a goal to be excepted. Ultimately you have to love yourself and not worry about what anyone else thinks or let their opinion bring you down. This is a good thought in theory, but on a daily basis I fight a struggle with myself to remain upbeat and positive. I know my siblings and my family members still really don’t cope with what all I can do. I still get questions on occasions from them like who shaves you? The post I shared about having a sighted girlfriend also sheds light. I’m faced with this question that I asked myself when I look at depression, and it is this when will things change? Since the introduction of the Americans with disabilities act in 1991 things have gotten better. I went to a mainstream school in a small town in northern Indiana something that if I was brought up an earlier generation would not of been possible. My childhood was normal I grew up pretty much like any other person in the country, and I’m thankful for that. I share the college stories not as an embarrassment, but as a realization of how people excepted me to a degree and I want to show that we have fun just like anyone else. Blind people do not make up even 1% of the population, so I understand to a degree why things are slow to adapt to us, but I want more. I’m tired of reading Facebook statuses from my blind friends who are college-educated some have masters degrees and where they filled out 300 applications in one month and not one fucking callback. I’m tired of turning on my television and having no feedback for what is on the screen and what is coming on. I’m tired of going to a restaurant and being stared at like I’m an alien, I know this is happening because my friends who can see tell me. I’m tired of when we can get a job there’s really no room for improvement or going up because of technology issues. Finally this will surprise you I’m tired of the organizations for the blind that pretend like they fight for our issues when they don’t. I went to a national Federation for the blind conference a few years ago the unemployment rate is 63% and was higher back then. The main topic for discussion wasn’t how social services are trying to take babies away from blind parents, it wasn’t the staggering unemployment rate, it wasn’t how do we bridge the society gap, but rather the focus was on a fucking car that can drive itself. Really the same people that won’t hire you for jobs are going to be the same people that are selling you the car but look at this logically self driving cars will not be out for a long time to where the public can afford them. Furthermore how are you going to buy a car if you don’t have a job? Im tired of the level of ignorance blind people have about real situations.

In the national Federation for the blind they call you a hero if you can navigate and AirPort independently by yourself. They also call you not as independent for having a dog because you put your trust in an animal. I’ve lived on my own for 10 years with a cane and with the dogs neither way I felt superior to anyone. There are still parents will blind children with capabilities that safeguard them and shelter them harming their future. Let me tell you parents when you get into the real world you will face tough situations, and no one’s going to care about the needs of your child. That’s what makes me laugh about the blind school where in the world are you going to see a cluster of blind people other than Frankford Avenue? haha sometimes I have blind friends that are successful, and who I’ve used for support through the years, but i’m tired of organization speaking for me and lobbyists hindering technology that could be useful for me.

I really kind a lost my train of thought I won’t lie. I spent the entire night just by myself watching baseball, trying to get over the anger I felt. Things personally with my girlfriend my job or all going well which is weird for me I’m happy about that, but I still feel this void from being completely normal or whatever. A psychologist would ask me what do I think is normal? That’s a fair question my response would be sighted. My realization has become that will never happen I’ll always have a cabdriver in the way who won’t pick me up or a person that won’t hire me simply off the fact I can’t see and I can’t prove it. I really do try and stay upbeat, but I can get difficult. This is probably the rawest emotion about Blindness I’ve ever shared maybe. The Reminders always get to me.

I had a night of pity for myself, but today I’m going to drive around with my girlfriend and find some happiness. I will find it as soon as she walks in the door. Growing up I saw my dad be the primary driver and I took cues on what a man should do it’s hard coming to that realization that I can’t drive like he did it’s been tough on me. When I dated someone blind I don’t really think about this because we take the bus. I’m glad for her patients. She has no idea what I have planned for today I am navigating where we go she is only driving. Which was a pretty cool idea I must say that we came up with. As long as my GPS doesnt fail we’ll be fine. I’ve unloaded a lot of my thoughts in here today, I hope it didn’t offend you there just my viewpoints.

One more thing before I go i’ll end this with some good news. I got hired to work as a technology specialist with Time Warner cable. I have two jobs again it’s part time which goes along with my full-time job. Basically I will be helping them make things more accessible I will learn more in a few weeks but I’m pretty excited about the opportunity. Enjoy your weekend stop reading this and have a drink for me I can’t I’ll be navigating. Tomorrow’s post will be something from my college years when I went to the Indy 500 I figure I’ll celebrate the race by telling my story from going to the race.