Tag Archives: Kentucky Wildcats

One year later and other thoughts

A year ago I got news my friend Ethan committed suicide. The news completely rocked my world. The next few months I’d just wake up at 2 or 3 and just cry. I may have a dream about him hearing him and then wake up realizing he was still gone. When it first happened all I could do was read. About a month in I started listening to Mat Jones Kentucky Sports Radio podcast and when I could catch it live on the radio. Honestly go read the day after Kentucky lost to Wisconsin and you’ll see my heartbreak. Watching them was like this mask so to speak. I cope with these things by watching sports, because it’s the one thing that has always been there. I still really can’t watch the NFL much I am trying this year, because I know Ethan wouldn’t want me not to watch it’s just hard.
I’ve heard so many things talking with friends that try to help but most didn’t know him and most don’t understand suicide. I’ve heard things like I don’t know why people would do such a thing? That just pisses me off quite frankly, because your not in that persons shoes. To me actually doing it is probably a real courageous act. It might not be the best thing, but it takes guts. To be in that much pain and whatever. I stopped talking about it around most, because I didn’t want to hear there ignorance.
I don’t wake up crying anymore, but I do think about him and wish he could still be here. I think about texting him about a Colts trade, or to laugh about something that would have been an inside joke and then let my phone fall back down.
Saying goodbye was the hardest for me. I remember the funeral seemed like a dream I couldn’t get awake from. You never picture saying goodbye to your best friend when he was 27. You never think this will be the last time we texted or talked. I cherish every memory I have of him, and I lost someone who no matter what I could count on if I needed something.
I wrote a memory about him, and it pained me to do so. I didn’t think it would be hard to share something, but I found it hard to focus on one thing or one instant. Here I share pretty personal feelings, but even now I am holding back a bit. I think about him every day, and I don’t think that will change. He always included me which I found special looking back a lot of people don’t so yeah.
I was going to write 2 posts, but I feel like shit. My throat hurts and my head is aching. Small problems I know. This weekend I went to the Kentucky game with Robin. When I got there the seat I had bought wasn’t big enough for her to fit down in between. I panicked because I requested special for accessible seating. They told me everything was sold out, but they had room in a box. I got up there and it was amazing. They had free hotdogs and soda. It had it’s own bathroom, and about 18 other people who knew I didn’t belong. No one really talked to me so that was a bummer. I did meat Rodger the concession guy we talked most of the night. On one play in particular I tossed my radio in front of me a little hard and it flew in to the wall. This lady came over and said here I think this is yours? I said thank you and couldn’t think of a disability I could claim to blame it on. The radio still worked Tom came over it just fine. Kentucky’s quarterback completed 8 passes the entire game and yet they still had a shot to win on the last drive. Overall I enjoyed the box, but I missed being in the noise. There were windows, but not quite the same.
Finally I will talk about this girl I met named Abby. We’ve been hanging out the last few weeks, and things are going really well. With her things are just really chill. I mean like I’ve always felt like I’’ve put in work and the other half has come up short or taken advantage of my kindness. I really like joking with her, and I’m excited to see where things go. I am taking things one day at a time, but I really enjoy spending time with her. She actually watched the entire football game and is catching on really quickly. I am planning on taking her to Lexington to watch a basketball game this year she loves the basketball team. The bus I took this time was real smooth and I was able to connect with a bus in Lexington that got me to the stadium.
I might as well say this now I had a job interview in Nebraska but thankfully I didn’t get the job. It would have been working with blind people something I want to do again soon. I just couldn’t imagine leaving Louisville and my home. The older I get the less diserable that becomes. I was freaking about everything moving Robin again, learning a new city, and what the hell to do with my house? Things work out though.
Before I go I just wanted to say hold those close to you tight. Even if you fight say I love you and hug them more, because you never know when the last time will be. I got let down by the Colts and Packers exit last year, but if the Cubs win the world series this year I know you played the best card up there sir. I’ll never replace him there will always be a spot for him no matter how many years pass. I loved the person he was and the prints left by him. I’ll see him again one day, and he can by me drinks pretending there from women to get me drunk and feel better about myself. I miss you buddy.

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My Kentucky Louisville dilemma

Last night I was talking to my friend Denny and he made a good point. He said that I should choose either Louisville or Kentucky and that be my home team. it’s very difficult and I haven’t thought about it a lot other than I enjoy watching them both play men’s and women’s. If you’re asking me which announcer I like better definitely Kentucky Tom is great where Paul seems lost and a bit boring. My love for Kentucky sports radio also has fueled my Kentucky interest lately. Also when I took Kevin to the game over a year ago the Harrison’s were amazing they talk with him, and were very nice for young men. Even the last time I went they saw Robin and said something about their favorite dog. Kevin hasn’t been feeling well and they’ve gone above and beyond for that two minutes that they speak with him to make him feel normal.

I don’t really have the same contacts that I do in Louisville other then it’s my home court. It’s a hell of a lot easier for me to go to games then catch a greyhound to Lexington. I do have a nice usher that I know and half the time during the game he comes and sits by me and we just talk about sports. So this leads me to my first problem. The pizza guy came today which I tipped big because it sucks ass outside. anyway I answer the door with my Kentucky had on and he says go Big Blue! we proceeded to do a go cats chant. After he left my Louisville hat was sitting on the table and I had a hard time eating my pizza okay not that hard but it put me into some decision-making for the first time. Can I continue to go on supporting both or will I have to choose? I don’t know! That’s an open question. Maybe next time I’ll have my Louisville hat on and we can do at go carts chant.

I went to Atlanta on Thursday and did some advocating for a travel company for service animals. I gave a half hour speech and I think it went well. I don’t know what will come of it maybe a job I’m just keeping quiet for now. The travel really killed me I left Thursday morning and return pretty late Thursday night and I’m just not built for that like I used to be. I’m going to continue watching this Minnesota Wisconsin game hoping the badgers lose so Purdue has a chance but it doesn’t look like it right now. This snow and slush really sucks I’m going to have to go out and shovel my drive again, but the drivers that of pick me up I have all commented that my driveway is clean and they have a path they actually thought I paid someone to do it which felt nice that they said that.

Louisville and Kentucky thoughts Blind photography and Saturday!

Sorry for not having a post for today and tomorrow, but on Saturday I will be taking lots of pictures at slugger field. Tomorrow like the entire state of Kentucky I will be concentrating a lot on the Louisville Kentucky game. If the Cardinals win they will win the NCAA championship both teams have improved since the last time they played Kentucky wins size, but I think Louisville has more heart. At the end of the season Louisville finally played like I thought they would the entire season. Go cards!