Tag Archives: Christmas


The last 2 weeks have been rough. I’m learning to use my cane again, and I hate that. I feel like a pinball bouncing off of things. Even when Robin was here I used to go a few places with my cane where I know it would be hard for her like basketball games once I started having people to go with. When I would go before by myself I would take her to have company, and I could usually feel more comfortable with her there. When Abby and I go we usually take our canes and sit in the cheap seats, because we can see the same from the 200 dollar seats as the 20 dollar seats.
Abby and I did Christmas where I got her jewelry, and a Chicago Cubs hair scrunchy. I think I did well. She got me some QC 35’s which I love, an Amazon backpack which I was wanting to go back and forth with from my house to hers, and finally a wind chime for Robin. She wrote me this really neat peace she wrote from Robin’s prospective. I will put it in below. That made me tear up and really made my day.
I got her ashes back Friday. I was so happy to get them. The box she is in is beautiful. It has engraved flowers I can feel and it’s a solid nice piece of wood. She also is heavier than I expected. Somehow the paw print was lost I was a bit bummed, but just having her back cheered me up. I think the hardest part of death has been you realize we have little control of what actually happens. I had this fantasy that I would work Robin until next summer then I would retire her, and she’d be here a few more years. The reality obviously didn’t work out that way. Anyway here is what Abby wrote thank you babe for being there and being so creative. The part about Boston Blacky made my day I listen to an episode every night, and have done so since moving to Louisville it relaxes me.
Dear Daddy,
I am lightly waving my tail around as I write this for you, so excuse the errors if you find them. 
I wanted to tell you, that I had an amazing life as your dog. I mean, listen.! Who else gets to guide the most amazing dad around, get to know and love his big family, (Grandma was my favorite), and do anything and everything that I as a german shepherd couldn’t possibly ever think about. There was college, which I truly made my mark. I met your friends, took you to class even on those days when I thought we should stay in bed and cuddle, I met silly girls who always made a huge fuss over me, I think it was because I was so pretty, and countless other things. I guided you through uhuge places where they played baseball, (Wait, what is that thing called again?), oh.. baseball. That was always your favorite. However, I have to ask you a question. Why in the world did we ever go to see any type of ball game that would cause me to shiver? I mean seriously dad, My poor coat wasn’t even keeping me warm that day!! Brrrrrrr!!!!!! I do remember though, that you took me inside of your coat and lap and held me close so I could warm up enough to guide your happy cold drunk butt out to our ride later on that day.. Thank you so much!!! J
As time went on, you grew up some, and I so elegantly matured. My guiding skills got better and before I knew it, you were working a job that payed money that bought me food and toys. This made me so happy. I had endless amounts of food and I liked that. 
I hated those times you left me. I loved staying at Grandma’s house though. I made such a noise when she would enter my line of vision. Who cared how far away she was, but that lady just melted my heart… I even bit her once or twic. I couldn’t contain my excitement and plus, I forgot to close my mouth from smiling. So, that was the logical thing to do!!!!
Some years later, we moved to this place and I made more doggy friends and more human friends. We got into a pattern, work, parra transit, seeing one of your silly girlfriends, and then it was cuddle time! I loved cuddle time the best because I learned that in order to get your attention, I just had to flop into your arms and that always made you smile.
Eventually, I met this girl you said was my mommy. I loved her because she taught me how to eat candy. How come you never taught me to eat candy? Seriously daddy, it’s the most amazing thrill that my doggy mouth ever had!!! I loved it when I would sneak myself a piece when we were going home from Mommy’s. You told me to “drop it” and I didn’t ha ha ha ha ha! Can’t you just hear my inner laughter? I know I can.
Finally, I got really sick. I couldn’t eat, or drink much. My tummy hurt me so much, but I couldn’t nor did I want, to tell you this. I wanted to keep living for you, for us. I wanted to keep on going to work with you, and getting treats from your boss and laying under your desk, listening to you talk to the most annoying people ever. I loved it because while you were stressing out, I was off in doggy dreamland growling at other dogs who weren’t shepherds.
I tried my best to be the dog you wanted me to be and I know you loved me so much. This sickness that I now know was something called “cancer” hurt me, and you made it all better sometimes with medicine. However, I still hurt, so you sent me to live at rainbow bridge for a while. I am not mad at you daddy. You did the best you could. God says that where I am, you will be at some point. This kind of life that I shared with you is only temporary. I hate that word, temporary. Well, whatever that means, I’ll be waiting for you. 
Before I go for now, I wanted to leave you with a few doggy thoughts.
1. Don’t get to used to not having anyone to take out and feed. If you decide to get another “me” I will visit them and teach them your habbits.

2. Be happy. Don’t mourn for me long. Where I am, is a doggy’s paradise. I eat when I want, and eat what I want. Here, I have no pain, and my cancer is all gone. I run and play with other dogs, and I sleep in the softest bed ever. The god up here even puts on some Boston Blackie for me to go to sleep to.

3. Be good to yourself. You did what was best for me, and you gave me the best life I could have. You loved me unconditionally and for that, I thank you. Be kind to yourself because you did what was best for me. I am glad There is no pain anymore. 

4. Taking naps under trees is the most acceptable way to nap off a hangover.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays!


Two questions I got asked recently and some thoughts for the new year

Dear Jesus it’s cold outside! i’m just happy I feel 100% after my New Year’s sickness! i’m listening to Pandora as I write this and it’s playing Cadillac ranch I’ll be back in a few minutes. Alright I’m back that was a classic as I like to call those the Fisher-Price days when I used to play tapes in my bedroom! A few quick notes I want to say thank you to the person who left me some Kuhars light and a shirt as a Christmas gift on my door I’m enjoying them now! It was anonymous but whoever did that really is winning my heart right now as a cold beer is going down great!
Two questions I got asked recently which kind of flabbergasted me one I took a cab to a restaurant Friday and the guy is soon as we started talking said it must be hard to be blind? I said it’s not that bad I’ve been dealing with it my whole life. I know people fear losing sight probably more than anything because it’s the most crucial and it is depressing sometimes I won’t lie but for me I would rather be in my spot then 1 million other conditions I read about daily. I just really wanted to have a conversation like hey how are you what are you doing? Instead he pretty much pitied me right off the bat whatever I just thought it was interesting. The second question came from a lady in a wheelchair not that that’s important but I just found her question interesting because I’m sure she gets asked the same to a degree. She actually asked me what is it that someone would get a blind person for Christmas? honestly believe it or not that question was hard for me to answer because the older I get the less I really need if that makes sense I just enjoy small things like being with family sort of. Lol. It really intrigues me what people think about like that blind people’s lives are so depressing we just sit around and do nothing I don’t get it honestly. obviously depending on what the person interests are are going to matter what they would want for Christmas. I just found those two things strange and they stayed with me the last week.

I’ve gone through a bout recently with Facebook whether not I want to stay on there do you know how difficult it is to create an account without Facebook? christ it’s challenging. I just get tired of peoples fakeness really I don’t really know how to describe it but I’m just sort of tired of it. Of course I could just be going through an isolation. Who knows. My mom got me a new acoustic guitar for Christmas so I’ve been playing a lot the last week as well as watching boardwalk empire! Boardwalk Empire is great I’m averaging about three episodes at night and during the weekend I killed around two seasons. I learned how to play Erin Lewis’s New song called stuck in these shoes. I’m working on a third verse for it it’s coming along but I really like it and it sounds great on the guitar so that’s what I’ve been doing!

A Christmas I

So today I Will tell you a funny Christmas story about how I all most lost my eye. It was Christmas Eve and I couldn’t sleep I was anticipating waking up Christmas morning. I remember listening to the radio being bored. I took out my eye and started playing a game of ketch. Everything was great for about five minutes until I miss judged my eye, and it bounced off my hand and I hear it hit the register that goes to the basement. I looked around for it, and couldn’t find it. My eyes cost 5 grand a set, and I was scared I’d get yelled at.

I woke my dad and advised him of the situation. My brother and dad went to the basement and tore apart the furnace. At this point it is 1:00 A.M… They came up from the basement frantic, because my eye wasn’t anywhere to be found. My mom went upstairs at this point and found my eye 1 foot to the left of the register. Christmas was saved. My brother said he would bet we were the only family up searching for an eye on Christmas morning.