Going to the Cubs game was pretty fun. I was laying in my bed on Saturday, and something sparked in my head that I had to do this. I didn’t want to go to a bar or something, because I’d just feel more alone if that makes any sense. I wanted to do something that would build confidence, so I decided to go to Chicago with no plans of transportation or anything. I had to ask people for directions, and yes I was misguided a few times, but I eventually got to my destinations. It is an interesting trust you put in people in these situations. A few times someone said go this way or over there, and I had to verbally say can you tell me a direction?
I guess for me opening up its difficult to get that initial date. With Erica I’m not even sure I wanted to date, but it felt good being on the other side. I never really felt uncomfortable around her plus she provided me a friend as well that is the hardest thing I’ve lost at this point. I really miss just hanging out, and having someone to eat with. I’ve been debating all day whether or not to call her, but we have some trust issues to get around, but tonight knowing we can’t talk is a bit difficult. Let me explain two different scenarios that happened to me last week, and maybe it will shed light on a statement I’ll make. Last week when my mom was here I had her run me out to my haircutting place where I’ve been without her a lot. She doesn’t live in Louisville or even close so I don’t think she’d ever been there with me. Anyway I am talking with the lady cutting my hair, and was having an interesting discussion about hiking, fishing, and life. She was talking about getting stung by a jellyfish and having someone pea on her. We talked about female ejaculation as well. I’m quite the conversationalist. Haha She also went in to describing a tattoo on the top of her thigh of a seashell or something. I kind of lost track of what she was saying at that point, because I was picturing it. Anyway when she finished cutting my hair she said let me get your mom to help you to the front. I just stood up and said I’ll take your elbow. It was infuriating to me that someone I’ve gotten to kind of know over about 6 times still can’t seem to understand how I could navigate. She led me to the front, but I could tell she was uncomfortable by the way she was stepping guiding me. We blind people are so rarely encountered I think that for a large percentage it is difficult for someone to know what to do. Another situation happened at work where some smokers were standing around the trash can, and I needed to get rid of Robins poop. No one ever made reference to me being there they kept just moving around throwing me off. I said hi, but no one said anything. I felt like I was in an alien meets earth encounter movie. I’m back to the drawing board with dating, and I honestly just don’t know anymore. I don’t want to write it off, but I’ve grown tired of having to every time work past all the blind issues to just have things blow up in my face. I going out to a bar, or church or anything am way different from your normal sighted person doing so. You know what’s going to happen since I wrote down my thoughts someone will come in my life and I’ll give it another shot, but my thought process is I’m not going out looking for something.