Robin is 8 this year and what happened earlier kind of makes me wonder if I want to get another dog. I think back to my life when I had a cane, and I was definitely not as outgoing as I am now. I definitely would not of gone to New York three or four times, I would’ve not taken an internship with the Detroit Tigers, and I don’t think I would’ve traveled as much as I have. The positive with a cane is it’s just me so if you need a ride somewhere you don’t have to worry about a dog. I personally don’t understand and never will understand what happened earlier, because it made me feel like dirt. I have a job, pay taxes, and I’m living the American dream blind and other countries blind people aren’t this fortunate. Yet the issues I brought up last post and why I think this is a huge deal what happened is because we should all have a goal to be excepted. Ultimately you have to love yourself and not worry about what anyone else thinks or let their opinion bring you down. This is a good thought in theory, but on a daily basis I fight a struggle with myself to remain upbeat and positive. I know my siblings and my family members still really don’t cope with what all I can do. I still get questions on occasions from them like who shaves you? The post I shared about having a sighted girlfriend also sheds light. I’m faced with this question that I asked myself when I look at depression, and it is this when will things change? Since the introduction of the Americans with disabilities act in 1991 things have gotten better. I went to a mainstream school in a small town in northern Indiana something that if I was brought up an earlier generation would not of been possible. My childhood was normal I grew up pretty much like any other person in the country, and I’m thankful for that. I share the college stories not as an embarrassment, but as a realization of how people excepted me to a degree and I want to show that we have fun just like anyone else. Blind people do not make up even 1% of the population, so I understand to a degree why things are slow to adapt to us, but I want more. I’m tired of reading Facebook statuses from my blind friends who are college-educated some have masters degrees and where they filled out 300 applications in one month and not one fucking callback. I’m tired of turning on my television and having no feedback for what is on the screen and what is coming on. I’m tired of going to a restaurant and being stared at like I’m an alien, I know this is happening because my friends who can see tell me. I’m tired of when we can get a job there’s really no room for improvement or going up because of technology issues. Finally this will surprise you I’m tired of the organizations for the blind that pretend like they fight for our issues when they don’t. I went to a national Federation for the blind conference a few years ago the unemployment rate is 63% and was higher back then. The main topic for discussion wasn’t how social services are trying to take babies away from blind parents, it wasn’t the staggering unemployment rate, it wasn’t how do we bridge the society gap, but rather the focus was on a fucking car that can drive itself. Really the same people that won’t hire you for jobs are going to be the same people that are selling you the car but look at this logically self driving cars will not be out for a long time to where the public can afford them. Furthermore how are you going to buy a car if you don’t have a job? Im tired of the level of ignorance blind people have about real situations.
In the national Federation for the blind they call you a hero if you can navigate and AirPort independently by yourself. They also call you not as independent for having a dog because you put your trust in an animal. I’ve lived on my own for 10 years with a cane and with the dogs neither way I felt superior to anyone. There are still parents will blind children with capabilities that safeguard them and shelter them harming their future. Let me tell you parents when you get into the real world you will face tough situations, and no one’s going to care about the needs of your child. That’s what makes me laugh about the blind school where in the world are you going to see a cluster of blind people other than Frankford Avenue? haha sometimes I have blind friends that are successful, and who I’ve used for support through the years, but i’m tired of organization speaking for me and lobbyists hindering technology that could be useful for me.
I really kind a lost my train of thought I won’t lie. I spent the entire night just by myself watching baseball, trying to get over the anger I felt. Things personally with my girlfriend my job or all going well which is weird for me I’m happy about that, but I still feel this void from being completely normal or whatever. A psychologist would ask me what do I think is normal? That’s a fair question my response would be sighted. My realization has become that will never happen I’ll always have a cabdriver in the way who won’t pick me up or a person that won’t hire me simply off the fact I can’t see and I can’t prove it. I really do try and stay upbeat, but I can get difficult. This is probably the rawest emotion about Blindness I’ve ever shared maybe. The Reminders always get to me.
I had a night of pity for myself, but today I’m going to drive around with my girlfriend and find some happiness. I will find it as soon as she walks in the door. Growing up I saw my dad be the primary driver and I took cues on what a man should do it’s hard coming to that realization that I can’t drive like he did it’s been tough on me. When I dated someone blind I don’t really think about this because we take the bus. I’m glad for her patients. She has no idea what I have planned for today I am navigating where we go she is only driving. Which was a pretty cool idea I must say that we came up with. As long as my GPS doesnt fail we’ll be fine. I’ve unloaded a lot of my thoughts in here today, I hope it didn’t offend you there just my viewpoints.
One more thing before I go i’ll end this with some good news. I got hired to work as a technology specialist with Time Warner cable. I have two jobs again it’s part time which goes along with my full-time job. Basically I will be helping them make things more accessible I will learn more in a few weeks but I’m pretty excited about the opportunity. Enjoy your weekend stop reading this and have a drink for me I can’t I’ll be navigating. Tomorrow’s post will be something from my college years when I went to the Indy 500 I figure I’ll celebrate the race by telling my story from going to the race.