I want to address color and how I perceive it. I was asked by a coworker about color, and then it came up again while talking with my supervisor Mel and Melissa. I usually associate color with an object. For example when I think of green I think of fresh cut grass. When I think of blue I think of the sky on a sunny day. I’ve never been able to see color or objects I had cancer when I was a year old, and both of my eyes were removed. I often forget colors of people’s hair, and I never really think about it. When I meet someone I guess I fall in love with things about that person rather than color of eyes or hair. To me texture is more important. I like long hair that is soft. Growing up I never really thought about colors of things like trees, hills, or just life’s natural beauty because it would get depressing.
I’ve told this before, but for me thinking about getting married brings a bit of sadness. My bride comes down the aisle all dressed up and everyone’s looking at her but me it causes some pain for me. I understand there are things I can do like see her dress before the ceremony, but still in that instant it’s a weird feeling for me to think about. I flew in to Denver a few years ago and recently Phoenix and I heard people amazed at the view, but I just sit there. Truthfully I get a bit sad when I think about all of the countries beauty I miss. I don’t sit around and think about these things a lot, but from time to time I do reflect on it.
I had to do the associating color with objects to fit in. Blind people are not even 1% of the population, so you have to fit in. If I lived my life not understanding color or not trying to me would be lost, because color is so key to sighted people. This might amaze you is I couldn’t tell you one color in my house. Sitting here thinking about it I honestly have no idea what my walls are, or my furniture. I went recliner shopping in October, and the guy was like what color would you like, and I said I didn’t care I’m all about comfort. To help him out I gave him two choices. We as blind people have to adapt to the sighted world not the other way around. I’m against blind schools for this reason. Where in the hell will you find another situation like a blind school in real life? Blind schools own of days are becoming for kids with multiple disabilities and not for blind children.
When I walk somewhere I think about distance or different sounds I would hear color never comes in to play. If you have a little sight this would obviously change things. When I go to the grocery store they always ask me if I want green or red grapes, and I can never remember which I like and which I hate. I have to sample them every time, so I know.
I’m going to get myself in trouble with this one, but it takes me a while to remember things like my girlfriend’s hair or eye color, so what I’ll do is write it down. I find it weird to ask as well, but usually I will work it in during a conversation, and then write it down on my IPhone to use later. People will ask me what color is her hair, and honestly I have to think about it. If things get more serious I’ll remember.
Lately my thoughts have been on what I miss or don’t even realize. This morning I was telling my coworkers a story on how I bought 105 dollar jeans last night. I will never do this again. but I got frustrated and I can’t really explain what happened in my mind but I just remember saying screw it. I went in to Men’s Warehouse to pick up my wedding attire for the weekend. It took me about 25 minutes or so to be helped, and then about another 10 trying on everything to make sure it fit properly. When checking out I asked about the silver jeans to see if they had any, and the lady said yes and they were on sale for $50. Originally they run $100, so I was excited. I tried a few different styles, and decided on one and went to pay. I gave her my debit card, and she swiped it. She gave me the receipt, so I asked what the total was and she responded 105 dollars. I honestly was just exhausted from being in there that I didn’t say anything and I left. I buy most things online, because of the lack of care in retail. For example I loved Best Buy I would go drop a few hundred at a time on electronic equipment, and headphones. Any time I went I was going to make a big purchase. I would go to this Best Buy in Clarksville, and no clerks would help me. I would ask the guy by the door for getting assistance around the store, and he would just say I can’t leave my post. It frustrated me so much that I would walk around the store myself and asks other consumers what section I was in. Finally one gentleman found me a clerk, but by then I didn’t want to buy my product anymore. I feel at times like I just walked off a spaceship, and no one knows how to deal with me. That Victoria Secret story I said early on in the blog is another good example of this. Sighted people can’t go more than 10 feet in a store, and you get offered help 10 times, but me they ignore. Example Sunday Erica and I went to the mall to a few department stores, and she had within 20 seconds of walking in how can I help you today. Obviously I can’t test my hypothesis, but if I had walked in I would probably be ignored for at least 5 to 10 minutes. Finally in that same shopping center as the Best Buy was a Target, so one day after returning something to Best Buy I walked down to Target for some toilet paper. I walked in, and asked the checkout lady where customer service was. She said it was off to my right. Robin found a counter, and I waited. I could hear someone moving behind the counter, so I say excuse me. Nothing, so I wait a bit more and say it again still anything. Someone walks up and makes a transaction of some sort, so again I speak up and nothing. Finally after standing there for about 20 minutes and saying hello or excuse me or whatever this lady finally goes can I help you with something? After rereading this if I used the phrase excuse me she may have thought I was farting or burping? I doubt that is the reason, but just thought I would make you laugh. Target has had a few lawsuits for discriminating against the blind, so really there attitude didn’t surprise me. The fact it keeps happening does, and is an attitude we need to change. Look I’m not asking for you to bend over or anything I just want to be treating as a normal consumer.
Finishing this post off I will return to color and sights I miss. As I said earlier if you think about what you can’t do in life it will hamper what you can. Damn that was pretty profound haha. I’m a glass half full person, and while I miss a lot of beauty I find peace in other things. It is depressing so that’s why I try and not focus on it a lot. I don’t mind any questions, because they help me write this blog so I’m glad it came up. I remember being at the Grand Canyon and feeling sad because I couldn’t really picture the drop, or how it looks. My dad tried to explain it to me, but I think I would have to hike it or actually feel it to understand it fully. Lately though I’ve been thinking about the things I can’t see a bit more than usual. Maybe it’s an age thing when I was younger I didn’t care, but now it means more. I commented my grandpa is sick when he dies I have the memory of him, but I can’t ever again see him. I can’t open a photo album up and see memories that way, so my thoughts of people are triggered on a memory. It kind of gets to me, because his voice will fade from my memory over time, so all that is left is the time we spent. It’s really different when you look at things that way. I don’t know if I answered the question how do I see color, but I tried taking a stab at it.