Tonight I told my grandparents I was dating someone. The first question they asked was is she sighted? The second question was does she have a car? Don’t worry I wrote them all down. The third question was what is her name? Fourth question is what does she do? I swear to God that was the order of the conversation we had. I don’t know why it still bothers me, but I don’t look at women like that. I’m a little upset so I don’t know if I can put into words how exactly I’m feeling, but it’s a weird feeling. I’ve been gone 10 years, and yet their faith in blind people has not changed. I don’t ask for any financial help, and they help support others more than me. Yet more often than not I get this feeling that I got tonight we don’t have to worry someone can drive you and take care of you. Erica is coming over soon so hopefully I don’t do anything to push her away, but this really frustrates me it’s a hurdle I’ve always had to figure out. It’s not her fault no that’s not what I’m trying to say, but it’s more like the way they see me is how I interpret how she should see me if that makes any sense.
When I was younger I remember saying things like I don’t know how blind people could get to a point in their life where they are so angry. I used to think they should just accept it and move on. As I get older I realize blindness is something I can except but it never just goes away. What I’ve noticed about being home lately is I didn’t realize how tired I was from traveling, and since I stopped I feel so much more clear. i’m sleeping whole nights, and I feel healthier. To be honest I delete this paragraph but I’m too lazy I really have no idea where the hell I was going with that thought.
I called because my grandpa is sick, and I know there’s not a lot of times I will be able to talk to him in the future. I just don’t know how to deal with this, or interpret it. Obviously I know this doesn’t have to impact my relationship with Erica, but it opens up my flaws. My grandma made a comment to me after I told her she was sided and she said oh you’re finally learning. For real? The last two girls I’ve dated have been cited, and guess what they did not and so well. Anyway I’m not really sure why I came here, but I just want to show you on a whole how the world works. This is exactly why feel I have to kill a grizzly bear when I meet a girl’s parents, because my own family doesn’t understand after all these years.