Last night I recorded a show on my DVR that Erica wanted to watch so she came over with dinner. Robin still didn’t move a whole lot. We went out on my patio, and Robin followed us out, but just laid on the pavement. With Robin getting sick I didn’t really get to talk about us much. My mind was really elsewhere while writing about my weekend.
Last night Erica came in my house and I could tell she was upset. She asked me why I didn’t call her to take Robin to the emergency vet. I told her the truth she had already left, and I don’t want a situation where someone feels they have to drive me around I’m not MS. Daisy. Truthfully for me and I will explain more, but I have a lot of insecurities when it comes to my blindness in a relationship. I want to pull my weight, and contribute as much as I can. If I had called back Erica Saturday night to see if she could run me to the animal hospital I would have felt guilty in a weird way. I never want her to think I am taking advantage of her. I explained how I felt, but I think she just wanted to help. She didn’t really get where I was coming from.
After we ate we watched a news show on the Boston bombings she wanted to see. Before she got ready to leave she said she wanted to talk with me about something. She wanted some clarification on our relationship. After Saturday I felt really nice we had a great time spending most of the day together. I like being around her, because we have a lot we can talk about. From politics to radio she is really something else. The only downside to her is she likes the ST. Louis Cardinals. She said she would like clarification to where I thought we were. I basically said a longer version of what I put here. I do want a relationship, but I didn’t start hanging out with her for that reason. I really just wanted a friend to do things with, and I feel if we make that jump then I could lose my friend. I told her I didn’t want to rush anything, but she said she wanted a deeper answer than that, so I opened up a bit.
For me blind sighted relationships have been a bit awkward mainly for me. I know those are my insecurities, but they’re hard to ignore. I feel like to a degree why would she want to put herself through dating me? I don’t view myself as a burden by any means, but I know it’s going to be a different experience being with me. She said that I make her laugh, and she loves talking with me. The last week we’ve talked every night until around 12 or so just about life. I really want to know about her like what life was like for her growing up, going to school, because those are the things I didn’t get to see. She said she doesn’t normally come across guys she can talk to as openly as she can me. It made me feel good she has done that since I’ve known her.
Guys I’m telling you if you ever hear we need to talk about defining our relationship you better set aside a big chunk of time. We talked for about 3 hours in total it involved a bit of crying, but in the end I hope things are defined for her. I decided on Wednesday to take her out to her favorite restaurant. It’s been awhile since I’ve been romantic or went above and beyond for someone, but I’m ready to do so for her. Don’t fear I will post all the corny things I do. I’ve already got 2 or 3 ideas for our first kiss. I put way to much thought in to everything, but I guess it’s that little bit of youth holding on.
Let me educate all you younger guys who may read this on not what to do. At times in my life the earlier Joe would have acted to things like first kisses on impulse. This is the wrong thing to do. Girls like to feel secure they don’t want to kiss out in public. Never make that mistake. Also they also don’t like to be kissed in front of cab drivers again big mistake. I have done a few of them correctly, but it took a while to really understand the mind of a woman you women are so complex. I just try to make things memorable in some way. My favorite kiss was my first one. It was with my friend Sarah. I asked Sarah’s friend if the moon was out, because obviously I couldn’t see it. It ended up being a full moon that night, so I took Sarah outside and I told her how I felt about her. At the end of our little conversation I asked her what she thought of the light of the moon and I kissed her. I’ve also for someone’s birthday bought little cupcakes and lit the numbered candles on it. I told her to make a wish, and then I kissed her. Don’t worry she blew the candles out first. I’m running out of ideas though seriously.