Things people have done that make it hard for me to understand.

I remember in high school in Earth Space Science a kid named Dusty asked me if I had ever had drank from the toilette mistaking it for a sink? People laughed around him. This happened again in college and then once again at a bar in Louisville. The feeling it gives me is indescribable. My first thought is no have you? I think that may have been the day I finally put together that I was somehow different from the other students in the school. My first experience was girls would ask me out and then just say we were just wondering what you’d say.

I remember in college attending a party my friends were drinking beer on a roof so I joined them. I think I did like seven Jell-O shots and was just sitting still I’m on a roof so I’m pretty nervous. These guys came up and said we had to get down never mind my friends had been up on the roof for about 2 hours. They said having me up on the roof was a liability. We just all left, but thats one example.

Another time I went to Indianapolis for the 500 and I was at this house party. I was making blind jokes and having a good time. I had to go to the bathroom and the guy who owned the house said I had to go outside because he didn’t want me to piss on the floor. My friend made excuses for why we should stay, and I had to just go outside maybe they wanted to see me piss? My bathroom at home has no piss on the floor, but every public bathroom I go to people piss all over. Public bathrooms just show you how disgusting humans can actually be. I get that it isn’t yours to clean but christ can you just hit the bowl a little?

My first girlfriend in college was a bit crazy. I broke up with her after a month of dating. I remember she called me one night and asked if she had a bad personality? I asked why? She stated that she must have for me to break up with her. I was speechless because how do you respond to that? Maybe the same old line I’ve heard again and again it’s not you it’s me could apply?

I just find some things puzzling or difficult to explain. When I get depressed these things stick with me the most. I was reading that people ask the most questions when your 4 years old, and then you kind of figure the world out. I know stupid people exist but when your trying to be just one of the guys and then humiliated it’s hard to figure. I recently heard one person I thought was a friend say to another friend of mine that he only hung out with me to impress girls. I guess because hanging out with a blind guy gets some sympathy award. It really makes me be-careful who I hang around and what the motive seems to be. I know for anyone a true friend is hard to find, but I really can’t think of how I want to end that.


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